As some of you know I just met my husband November 13, 2016, married on May 13, 2017 and had our son on October 16, 2017.
I wanted a different type of relationship. Normally I gravitate towards men who were verbally abusive, attached to other women or for every purpose not marriage material. It was hard dating in a world that just didn’t feel right to me. I will tell you more about the colorful dating history that I have but time for something more pressing. Because I was trying to to do things differently I found myself dating a guy I would normally not date. He was a perfect gentleman. He was kind, polite and completly attentive. He never pressured me to have sex ( I think I can count the number of times we were intimate on one hand). With that I could tell you the exact date that we conceived back in March, the night before I left for NYC. That is the last time we were intimate, not even on our wedding day. Its not because theres no love or desire but its because of the complications that came on early on. I had severe morning sickness, bleeding and mood swings.
Why is this important…well tomorrow I get my IUD put in (I also just read a really bad review about the Mirena so now I am scared). So I am one step closer to the “BIG DAY” with my husband. Can you believe that!! No more exscuses so my nerves are crazy. I am trying to get used to my postpartum body but it seems time has not been kind. I guess the plus side is I do have some time to get the mani, pedi and facial done so I do feel at least more like a woman. Also when I told my therapist how awful I felt about how much weight I gained she challenged myself to be kinder to myself…so there’s the ultimate challenge kinder to myself while being naked perfect lol
Further to this whole married life, I know how lucky I am. These last few months as challenging as they were I would change any of it. I know that my life has been nothing but a joyous blessing. I have my husband, son, sisters and mom all in my life plus my in laws and a few close friends. I have my 6 amazing cats, a roof over my head and food in my fridge. I saw in the news somebody had jumped in front of a train. I could never imagine that feeling of despair where that becomes the only option. I have had some serious ups and downs that really try my patience but its the love I share with others that have me reach for that silver lining. I guess maybe it’s time I really start sharing my storey. If I can find hope I know so can all of you.