Time sure flies. I have been so caught up in my head that I totally forgot what day it is even. There is so much going on that I just wish it would slow but it is the slow periods that get me thinking most that just paralyzes my day. It is so hard to imagine life and how it is I got here. The paths I should have taken and didn’t. The ones that I did take and somehow managed to make it out on the other side. I think about my life and what I have been through and just the feeling of despair, heartbreak and overwhelming sadness that envelopes me when I think of what if my son lived a fraction of the life that I did. I think about my family and friends whom I love dearly and how much pain my poor decisions have caused them. To say my heart hurts is an understatement. Trying to make right all my wrongs creates so much stress and even panic within me. What if I run out of time? What if I can’t heal the hearts of those I hurt before this game we call life is over. I run through my mind the thought of my mom not being here as each and every phone call begins to mimic those of my grandmother before she was gone. Hearing how much my mom loves and misses me makes my heart hurt because I know each and every day brings us one more day closer till that final time we say goodbye. I look at my father in law and see the pain and tiredness that comes from age. My blood runs cold as once again I am reminded of how short time is.
I try to surround myself doing things that I love, making myself happy. They say we are all born and created from love so to try and focus on love and happiness. So here I am trying to focus on what I love and what makes me happy and not so much on the negative ❤