Sometimes I wonder if me sharing everything that makes me me will push people away. Then I realize how before I started expressing how I was feeling that I already felt alone. Since starting to forgive myself and moving past all the hate and guilt my relationships have become stronger. It is hard for me to be vulnerable but if I am not I could lose everything. I already almost lost me so why not just release this heavy burden I have been carrying. I want to smile and shine and radiate from the inside being true to my authentic self.
I think that’s why I fell in love with Pin-up. I remember when I was 18 and I tried to reach out to an adult I trusted. I was reaching out for help and guidance to move past what had happened. When you confide in somebody their reaction sets the tone for the whole interaction and experience thats about to unfold. Unfortunately for me I trusted the wrong adult do you know what was said to me…You were raped because of the way you were dressed. When you dress like that it is an invitation. Uhmmm hello wait what?!? I was 13 and never wore skirts back then. Ya well thanks for shutting me down and making me feel like I deserved what happened to me. Might as well keep doing what I was doing and that was to drink until I blacked out and that way I could forget the pain, shame and embarrassment.
What I love about being a Pin-up is being able to embrace who I am as a woman without feeling shame. I love evolving into the woman I am meant to be. When you start making all these positive changes amazing things really do happen. I have my handsome hubby who loves and supports me in all my struggles. He has even came to therapy with me the last two times which is really really hard for me to be vulnerable. I am working on my vulnerability, hence me sharing my thoughts. Even if this becomes only a point of reflection for me it makes me so excited. Stripping myself down to the bare bone and relinquishing the power my past has had on me will allow me to rebuild myself on love and on life. My first 38 years may have been ugly but I am doing everything I can to make the next 38 beautiful.