Remorse?

Yesterday as I was holding my son and watching the news when a flash from my past hit the news screen.

As a girl you never forget your first crush. It’s even more exciting when as a young girl you get to date your crush. Dating to me back then was just dating. I wasn’t one to steal away kisses or even hold hands. I was shy, young and frigid to say the least. Even though I landed my crush we only “dated” for 3 weeks.

Fast forward to when I was 19. I ran into my crush at a house party where we all consummed a large amount of alcohol. I didn’t think too much when he invited me back to his place to hot tub. I told him I didn’t have a swimsuit and he said not to worry. We walked the distance to his house in middle of winter so when we got back to his place I was excited to get into the hot tub.

He poured me a drink and we got into the tub. It was nice and relaxing and it began to snow. We kissed and it was magically. I started not to feel to well from the heat and alcohol so we went into his room. I wanted to leave but it was cold, dark and late. Against my better judgement I thought I could stay with no incidence. When he got on top of me and forced himself to touch me I was terrified. Luckily for me the doorbell rang. And there at 2 in the morning was my friends mom. Some of my friends watched me leave with him so my friends mom came and got me.

His dad answered the door and told her I wasn’t there. I felt his hand go over my mouth as his dad called down asking him if I was down there. Seeing this has my opportunity to get out I pushed him off and yelled back that I was and ran up the stairs. I never thought about it again just a horny teenage guy trying to get off…right?

Absolutely not. Imagine my horror when I found out that in 2010 he forcibly confined a young girl after he followed her home with a machete.

He tortured and brutalized her for hours. He was convicted and sentenced case closed. I wish it was that simple. Apon his release he reoffended and just last night I saw his mugshot on my tv telling me he entered a guilty plea.

Could I have prevented this? Was he starting to show aggresive tendencies when we were 19? To say I dodged a bullet is an underststement. I pondered coming forward to tell my storey so here I am. In one sense I feel so incredibly lucky that I wasnt one of his victims but in another sense I cant help but feel guilty that I didnt say anything all those years ago. Just another one of those events that help shape me into the woman I was becoming but didn’t want to be.

xoxo

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