Alright so here it goes…***deep breath***. In my pregnancy I gained over a 100 pounds. I feel so much shame and guilt for letting myself go. I didn’t always eat healthy, I ate out of fear. Being so sick I just ate what I could, when I could trying to gain weight. I had the misguided idea in my head that if I gained weight so would he . Well that’s not how it works just my really weird belief.
I have felt alot of shame gaining so much. I have been meeting all my goals I have set for myself as far as being active I just need to clean up my bad eating habits. The fear I have about possibly never being able to fully embrace the body I used to have dissappeared this weekend. My goal for this past weekend was to dress up and get out of my comfort zone, I wanted to proove to myself that I am great being me. So in one sense I wasn’t photographed alot this weekend (I believe my size played a huge part in this) I did have one of the best times in my life.
This event was my first time out since all the work and realization of who I was and becoming and wanting to be. My weekend couldn’t have been better. I reconnected with some amazing ladies and met some wonderful dolls. These ladies made me laugh, smile and truly embrace who I am. I haven’t felt this amazing in my own skin and I haven’t felt this excited in a very long time. I am so excited that these ladies accepted me for me. Just thinking of how wonderful they were to be around brings the biggest smile to my face.
As fas as my weight goes I know I have to keep making changes and keep trying on the levels I am that are good for. Me and the hubby discussed the importance of adopting healthier habits and not just for me, but for us and for our future. We do want to try for one more so it is very important for me to become the healthiest version of myself to provide the healthiest living environment I can for our potential newest addition. Let’s see what happens these next two months. There’s another pinup contest coming up in Didsbury in May so maybe its a good goal for me. I have always worked better with a goal in mind. My number one goal is always my son thats why for now Im getting my fitness in with him at home and when the weather is nicer walking all over Calgary.
In even bigger news I cut off all my hair on Friday! I now have a short bob I have to figure out how to style. And my skirt and scarf all made by yours truly. So many changes this weekend, all amazing, all exciting and all with limitless potential. #limitlesspotential