I haven’t written in awhile because I have been overcome with emotion. It is not post partum I am very thankful for the blessings I have in my life. My husband came into my life just when I needed him most. He gave me the most beautiful son and overall a very amazing life. My sister and her husband have been a great support. It is the constant hurdles that I am always being faced with that at times make it hard to see the silver lining.
What alot of you dont know is come 3am on Monday I become the sole provider for our son until 3pm on Friday. I love being a mom, finding our routine and getting through the days together ***bliss***
Lately though our 3 legged cat has been very sick. He has been to the vet 3 times this past month. Even now I am watching him sleep wondering how on earth I am going to administer his IV twice a day his anti-depressants, anti-inflammatories and his pain pills. It is only Wednesday…I can’t help but see the similarities in our own lifes path. You see before Herbert was a 3 legged soul he was also thrown away with nobody to love and nurture him no path. He was born a hermaphrodite and when his owners went to neuter him they found out they needed to spay him as well. Instead of loving him they threw him away. We see this all the time being thrown away for who you are. I cry because I dont want to give up on him. I want to find a way to remind him of the good that is out there even for animals who are worthy of love. As a kitten being outside he chased a plastic bag, that plastic bag wrapped around his leg, cut off his circulation and died. The disease spread up to his shoulder before he was found. For anything any being going through this I cant tell you the pain that resonates within me. I watch him sleep because I would give anything to give him a peaceful life to watch him grow old for him to know he is loved. We have given everything we could, financially, physically, mentally….
My heart hurts so much. I am so thankful for the one friend who reached out to help me administer his IV tonight and fingers crossed tomorrow and then hubby will be home for at least the weekend. Even though I have been crying since I brought him home the tears only fall when my son is sound asleep. I know the negative vibrations will affect my household but for now I hold my pain in and only let it out when its just me. I need to find a way to make sure Herbert gets to be a part of this amazing life. I need him to feel that unconditional love that comes with being a part of being a family. I need him to feel so much love that his life is worth something to me to all of us. For now I need to get myself together, reach out to those amazing people in my life and know it is ok to cry. You just cant stay there permanently.