Trouble in Paradise

I just don’t feel like being sick should be an exscuse to treat each other poorly. When it comes to him sometimes he just gets right under my skin like a burning rash that won’t go away. The smallest little irritance become the hugest deal in the world. For example, I know he’s tired and not feeling well when we got home. I was just tidying up and making chicken noodle soup (none of us felt well at all). As soon as he got home he ATE all of the soup didn’t even offer to us anything. Then he got it in his head that we would go to his mom’s for dinner. Well I haven’t eaten anything at all today (Schmoo has though) and his mom decided that she wasn’t making dinner so strike out again…BOOOOO!
After watching him on his phone for hours I finally started to snap and I told him once again that I was hungry. It took about half an hour before we got out the door and on our way home. Feeding Schmoo is always my #1 priority so I was doing that while preparing a salad for myself when hubby decided he needed to go out in that exact moment. My son started to cry and freak out more so I knew it was bath time. Getting him ready for the bath I waited for my husband to come home so I could finally eat. It’s not like it was 730 or anything oh ya it was. I heard the garage door open and my tummy rumbled. 5, 10, 15 minute go by and he hasn’t even come into the house. Taking my son out of the bass I walk into the garage and what is he doing playing with the puppies and smoking cigarettes. Beyond irritated I walked inside got Schmoo a diaper and put on PJ’s. I was fuming. When he finally came in I just unloaded. I told him I have never witnessed more selfish behaviour in my life. Not only did I not get to eat anything yet he’s telling me that he offered to make me someting and I said no. Uhmmm what you said was we were going to have dinner at your mom’s. I just got so angry. Me saying that I didn’t want you to cook me food means that I am not allowed to eat…..whatever! I took off my rings put them in his hand and said no . This is it this is the final straw you will never put anybody’s needs ahead of your own which includes your son. I can’t pretend anymore that I am ok in this. I can not evolve into the person I was born to be with him by my side. It breaks my heart but I don’t know how much more I have in me.
To top it all off I am finding that one of the shelters that I work with might have some less than savoury practices in place. My heart exploded when I the pieces started connecting. Maybe that’s why the fight got so bad…..My mission on the Earth keeps evolving into this crazy mass. I know if I keep to the course and stay true to my heart that amazing things will happen. I do need to cut all the negativity out and that will happen over time. I am not scared of making changes or go in a different direction if te end result is the same. Right now the end result for me is to stop the mistreatment of animals and to help lower income shelters with their vet bills. We can all admit they need at least that much.

woman and man wearing brown jackets standing near tree
Photo by Vera Arsic on

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