Well here it is. Almost 1 year to the day when my heart got ripped out of my chest. The wind was removed from my sails and I had to find a way to just get up in the morning. Endless showers were spent with my head in my hands as I let the tears flow freely because I knew that it was the only place that noone could see. I held my son a little tighter trying to make all the broken pieces melt together. Smiling became one of the hardest things I had to do in this time but I had to persevere. It was at this time that I finally understood when people talked about your heart beating outside of your chest. I knew I had to find a way to be strong, positive and nurturing for my family. We were all mourning the loss of our lil angel.
It was at this time I became consummed with music. Listening to the words I would let the music gently soothe me and rock my soul ever so gently. I knew the only thing I could do was “fake it to I make it” and carried on. I submerged myself into motherhood into wifehood and searched for the answers that would make me feel whole. The only thing that made sense was I needed to help animals. I had this longing to make a difference in their livez but wasnt too sure how to do that.
As I began to look into fostering it was like the Universe was saying, “Hey Lady, this is the way come this way….”. Having no idea what layed ahead I decided to jump, more like plunge.
As my application for fostering got approved so did us buying a house. You have no idea how much easier it is to foster when you own a house. In what seems like a tumultuous series of events it really was the kick off to whats in store. My son turned 1 Oct 16, we moved into our first house 24th and had our first foster (and later fail) on the 25th.
Accepting a position of volunteer dog bio co-ordinator I was finally realizing my true potential. I joined a community charity and was starting to feel real good about my path. There have been some incredible heartbreaks along the way. I lost my foster Koda and just recently learned that they didnt honour my request to have his remains returned. That was the pivotal moment when it became very clear that the organization I was with really didnt give a damn about me as a volunteer. That relationship is now severed.
Being one that needs to help I volunteer at another shelter and fundraise for many. The Prairie Passion for Pets Foundation is a very real thing. I even formed a committee, “One Passionate Pinup” as I needed to be licensed with the AGLC to hold raffles and 50/50’s etc. I also have many amazing things on the horizon. I am determined and focused and have so much drive. I will help these animals in one way or another.
So what’s the problem? Here I sit waiting to be whisked away to vancouver where I will be meeting with the President of the Ovarian Cancer Insitute and then off to my photoshoot I won at the Grease, Gears, and Grooves 2018 contest. Reflecting on that moment when I was crowned queen is a very emotional moment. I have never won anything before but more than that why me? I stood with some of the Islands most incredible ladies. I was in awe of their courage, strength and energy. Now I wonder did I do enough? Am I ready for this shoot. I want to capture the energy and the love that I felt amongst my new beautiful friends. At times I am not convinced that I am worthy of all this. Sometimes I wonder if maybe my path is to fly into obscurity and others I wonder if this is my life purpose. Time will only tell. I know there is an eminent change in the horizon. Things have to change. I am not ready to talk about it yet but I will. Anyways I have to go in a mere 24 hrs my life is once again going to change. Anyways I better run, I hear my boarding call.