Expanding Our Family

The only thing that I want to do is share this journey with you. I sure do know some of the lowest, darkest lows and if I can find a way to embrace each and everyday. I know that you can too. If we could only live in slow motion it would sure be alot easier to see the signs that are always constantly right in front of us. To know that just maybe you might be heading down the right rabbit hole, you will feel it if the time and universe is just so.
What I am talking about it simply just this. Yesterday I asked my mother in law to take me in for my blood work. I am getting a physical, a once over to determine if maybe just maybe we could consider having a child. As a sat in the busy office this rush of excitment came over me. I had goosebumps running up and down my whole body and I was reminded of that wave of feelings one gets when they are with child. My nerves were at an all time high but only because I needed to hear the words, “All clear you are healthy as a horse.” Normally I am a little aprehensive about needles but this one was a breeze. 8 vial of blood and 2 urine tests later we were back on the move.
My MIL hates the fact that my Dr is in Bridgeland. It was important to go over my blood work with my original Dr and give Slade the once over before we sever our ties to the city and find a local Dr. This is what I explained to my MIL thinking she would say no. Well taking me by surprise she is going to take me for one last Dr visit to hopefully get the all clear, (maybe told to lose a few pounds) I can handle that, get my IUD out and get Slade a check up. When I called in I called it the Unicorn how can one get all these things done at a very busy clinic and to get it done before Friday (My MIL is back at work). Unicorn status achieved we were able to get all three things done at once!!
I know what you are thinking but let me tell you about this idea. You see I was so super sick when me and my hubby got married (and pregnant) that we never did go on a honeymoon. Our 2 year anniversary is coming up May 13 and I thought how fun would it be to go away. When I mentioned it to my hubby he told me to wait until we bought a motor home and all the cats could come with us. Well ya that is not going to work for me. Putting my foot down I went and inquired about our annivery day May 13-15 at a lil cabin in the woods. I am ok with our Schmoo and our dog coming but I am going to have to say no to the 10 cats we have at our house at the moment. What I am trying to do is reconnect with my husband. I want it to be so we have very limited WiFi and cell service. There is a pool and a hot tub and with him working 7 days right now I thought it would be the cutest delayed honeymoon trip ever.
Am I ready for baby #2? You see when I think about the possibility of having another baby my heart flutters. I try to search for the answers within me and to say if I know for sure one way or another I don’t have that answer for certain. What I do know is my world continues to become this incredible place. With every obstacle comes a new, bigger door that is awaiting to be opened. I go from moments of wanting to have a daughter because in my eyes the greatest love is one that comes from a daughter and father (I am now learning that the same can be true between a mother and son) to wanting another son becaue, well, having a child is the most amazing experience any woman can hope for.
To some this may seem like an incredible bold move to make but I know that the Universe will not give me anything that I couldn’t handle. For every twinge of doubt I may feel it is instantly replaced with a surge of energy that lets me know that it is ok to reach out and take what you have always been searching for. It is ok to keep building on what is right in front of you and being a mother could only reinforce all the positive energy you are putting into the world. The fortress you are building is the peak environment for offspring to thrive. You have built this incredible support system full of family, friends and outstanding members of your community. (how was that for a pep talk) Even my MIL expressed concerns over having another child but as she takes me to all these appointments I think she is exciting at the possibility.
Some facts I have been considering leading up to this potential decision:
1) I have a 7% chance of getting HELLP syndrome again
2) My grandmother and great grandmother both had a set of twins at 41
3) To think that me and my husband have not been intimate since we conceived gives a fun play of being “virgins” again. Maybe we can truly use this trip to reconnect, recommit and once again expand on our family.
Part of my fear is the anxiety of having the best moments of my life ripped away from me. I know that there is no sense in living in that state. That as much as you can you have to live as carefree and in the moment as possible. Lots of these moments you can never get back. I just want to share with you all these moments to encourage you to get outside of your comfort box. To hopefully one day see more of us out behind from out laptops, cell phones and other devices. I want to try and create a world where it is ok to be a stay at home mom, to network and fundraise and provide a nurturing environment for which our families to grow. I think we need a small push to where and how it used to be before mainstream took over and we begin to lose our identities. I have alot of exciting projects in the works that I can’t wait to share with you. My drive will always be to create a safe place for us to grow and peacefully be able to live out our lives together.

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