The Unseen Sacrifices

Rolling over on our king size bed I saw the clock was 4am…Tons of time to sleep. I periodically get up at this time and catch up on my reading or cleaning. You know for those incredibly long days when your baby is up all day teething and sick and there was just no time to clean. Even when I turned and saw the clock saying 6 I just leisurely stayed in bed. I looked over on my husbands side and all I saw was a sea of blankets. That was until his head popped up, he saw the time and right away asked me why I didn’t get him up. He was an hour behind his normal schedule and his franctic pace was on track to ruin our weekend (and its only Friday). Yelling from room to room trying to find things he managed to wake up the whole house. Thankfully as quick as he woke up everybody he was gone.
Luckily for me I get to stay home with my son but I couldn’t help think about the couples who both work or the single parents out there. I know I complain alot about my relationship but right now in this moment it was hard to see what is worse. For me I only have to get my chores done sometime throughout the day. I detail clean every other day and maintenance clean as messes arise. First thing in the morning when everybody is awake I vacuum, sweep and steam the floors. usually any mess that arises after that is superficial. It is a little bit harder working when my hubby works 7 days a week 12 hour days but I see the work around the house I do and raising our son as my career. I never rely on my husband to get the work done around the house as its just part of being a family. That saying behind every strong man is a stronger woman and I totally can see why this is now said.
Growing up I watched my Grandmother raise her boys (my Aunt helped her as much as she could without sacrificing her studies) and my mother and Aunties did the same with their children. It was very natural once becoming a mother all these memories began to surface and I just started to fall into a natural routine. It’s definetly not easy but it very rewarding.
So this morning as my hubby franctically relied on me to remind him of where he left his work clothes my mind wondered to all you Single Parents or working Families. How in a span of 24 hours do you ever manage to get anything done? You have to get the kids up and ready, yourself, maybe you drive, maybe you have a car you still wait in traffic, drop your kids off, go to work, pick your kids up, clean, cook, bathe repeat. For a single parent that’s alot. For a couple where is the together time. When you step back and look at the whole picture you can definetly see where the problems lie.
Growing up I was able to see the value of having a parent at home cleaning, cooking, baking supporting the major breadwinner. This should never have been seen as being dominated but in fact as enhancing your family dynamic and growth. In no way is this meant to be public shaming but to take a step back and see exactly how we let society and the media dictate our lives. Yes fancy cars, houses, trips, clothes these are all really nice things to have. The sad reality is these commodity items are what is preventing us from being the happiest and fullest self that we can be. If you think of not only the financial cost but the toll that these demands have on our relationships maybe we wouldn’t be so quick to keep up with the Jones’s.
It makes me sad thinking of all the single parents out there spinning their wheels trying to provide the best lives for not only themselves and but their lils. Alot of them didn’t plan or choose to have their family divided like that. I feel very lucky and blessed that I am able to spend time with my family, enhancing it, nurturing it. Society is so that it makes it hard for any of us to get caught up and heaven forbid want to get ahead. Everybody is so busy just trying to survive that it is a wonder that we are becoming even farther removed from each other and ourselves. We feel selfish when we try and take some time to ourselves to unwind and process.
I have also seen the negative outcome of one spouse working and the other not contributing to the family dynamics. The house was left disgusting, like have some pride not only do you live there but so do your children. I can not explain to you enough the living condition in this house. Just so you can picture it, there were worms in the floor. It is no wonder the relationship failed. The working spouse felt taken advantage of. You don’t need to be pulling in the dough to see how when left doing all of the work the other spouse just sits back and relaxes, well of course it is going to fail. What is worse to all of this is what your children see and this is what they begin to believe is normal. Every family is unique and different but they are all only has strong as the work that each of us is willing to put in. It would be nice if we could support each other to be each others sounding board to help us all thrive. My balance comes when I see my sister, my mother in law or get out in the community to make a difference. To be honest I could never have enough interaction with my peers but not at the expense of my family or self.

photo of woman holding her child
Photo by Ana Francisconi on

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