My name is…

My name is Sweet Ruby Bluez. I started this journey almost 2 years ago. Restarting the journey to my life that I wish I had started long ago. Nobody can ever really be sure when they are heading the right way. I know what it feels like when you are going the wrong way down a one way road. The nervous anxious feeling of uncertainty. Blindly praying that nobody sees you as you desperately search for the first left or right to once again get yourself facing in the right direction. Wanting to take advice but uncertain on who to trust the only thing you can do is leave the bright lights in the distance in order to truly find your way.
Sweet Ruby Bluez was always apart of me. She was the best parts of me. She kept that little girl safe and only let her come back out when it was ok to do so. Finding oneself on the verge of creating new life brings an unbearable amount of pressure and strain. Not having deep enough roots it really did become a journey of self discovery. I learnt from what I thought was a young age the value of not letting anyone close. I see it was now just a way to protect myself. Being able to truly understand and forgive yourself not only for the wrongs that you have caused but the wrongs that were done onto you is truly one of the best gifts. Before I was never able to take a deep breath to understand and fully comprehend what was being laid out before me. I was also never able to process a large amount of pain and stress. When having to deal with bad news it was alot easier to push people away and drown the white noise with the contents of a bottle then to trust somebody enough to let them in.
Maybe this is what it truly feels like to be an adult. No longer do I have that selfish desire to want to be the best. I was extremely competitive in every sense of the word before. Now the only person I compete with is myself. Every skill I have ever acquired both in my personal and work life I use every day. I constantly push myself to make a difference because without that drive life really doesn’t make sense. Life really has never made sense. The loss of a loved one the idea that no matter how hard we try there just is no more. The only thing that numbs that sting is the desire to make a difference in this life. My love for animals is deep within my core. I grew up on a farm, with Doukobour roots. My grandparents were pacifists who saw the beauty and peacefulness within all living things. They left Russia to escape the violence and the transcripts of war. I owe my gentle nature and respect for all things to them. More than a decade has past since they left us and in times when I need them most I feel them with me. They still help me everyday want to be better, to make them proud. Somehow it feels that if I make better choices and try my hardest that maybe somehow I am not so alone. Living with heartache is something we all must do. Sweet Ruby Bluez has become a master at it. There is no better feeling that a nice big bear hug. The kind that says….Hi Friend, I Missed You, It will be OK.
No matter how desperate my moods have become over this last year I have always had the snuggles and cuddles from my son and my furbabies. When everyone else is alseep in the world and it’s nothing more than just me and one of my kitties I am so thankful for the opportunities presented to me. My husband works hard to provide for our family so I can try and help out in my community as much as I can. The sadness that fills my heart when I see what we as humans do to each other makes it more urgent for me to be successful. I am using all of my resources to be as creative as possible. I am getting out and getting known plus I am reading, reading, reading. All I need is to look at my family and I feel that drive to keep going. I am a one woman army loaded up with baking, raffles and a smile. Everything I do today is one more thing that I wasn’t doing yesterday so it has to make a difference tomorrow.
My name is Sweet Ruby and I am committed to making my community a better place, a more involved place. A place where we come together free of judgement, hate and ridicule. Within my walls you are family, you are safe, you matter and you are loved. I will never turn my head to an animal or human who is injured or who is suffering. I believe that when wrapped around in positivity that anything is possible. Dreams are possible and reality is just a state of mind. My name is Sweet Ruby and I am committed to making my world a better place.