Growing up on the farm with only one channel every Sunday was spent watching Disney cartoons, Then the Disney Movie and if you were lucky Dallas. Mom would always pop popcorn and dad would make iced tea and no matter what we were doing with our day we knew that as soon as 5:30 hit that it was time to head on inside. Mom and Dad had their seperate arm chairs, two of us would be on the couch and the third would be on the loveseat. Sometimes it was just better to sprawl out on the floor. It was a great life. It went far to fast. Feels like yesterday I had that full family feeling that one can only explain when it comes from the place of purest love. Things happen. Life changes. People grow and we are forced to learn how to adapt. Somehow waiting till I was almost 40 I thought my growing phase would be next to being over. I always feared the ticking of the clock. I really had nothing to show for my life until now. I wake with a passion in my heart and a strong desire to try and make a difference. There’s people who don’t believe in me, I can hear it in their voice. Sometimes after enough people ask why a knot begins to grow. Once that pit begins to take place I know I just need to take some deep cleansing breaths, they really do cleanse and offer the best clarity. In circumstances where I normally would have given up I keep trying new ways, well born again new ideas. I want to be involved and want people to know that everything I do is to try and make the world just a bit better. My ideas that I come up with are meant to inspire and get people to come out of the house again. I want to feel that real hometown feel and I am going to keep chipping away at whatever that may be one day at a time.
In the spirit of Family Sunday I thought I would make Sunday’s my time when I share on a more deeper level the dynamics of my family. I asked my husband today if I could share is storey. At first he said no but I explained to him that I thought it would be important as I truly am wanting to reach as many of you to show you that we are not alone. We can come out of the ashes and live our lives in any manner we can dream of. In order to do that you have to be humble, you have to be real and you fully have to submit yourself to everything that you are and everything you will be. Hiding any piece of you will prevent you from truly shining and becoming who you are. My husband finally agreed (I told him that I will ever use his name and if there was anything he wanted me to leave out to do so).
Here is the very beginning:
It was about 10 am on Oct 31, 2016. How do I know this…it was my first day of work at Sephora. I started at noon. Feeling pretty excited about the direction my life was going in I decided that I was going to take one more swipe at Tinder. Going through the profiles I decided to try something different and swipe right at the profiles that I normally would just passover. I remember the first time I saw him, he wasn’t my normal type looked a lil dorky and was that a tractor behind him? Intrigued I swiped right and almost immediately we started messaging. About 5 min into our text messaging he said that he’s done with that could we talk on the phone. Here we go I know this type but I will keep entertaining this. I have two hours before work so why not kill some time. I have been on WAY worse dates anyways lately. Giving him my number I waited for him to call. Within the first 5 min he told me he had a criminal background, he was an ex addict and his girlfriend just died 6 months ago. Pretty sure that this guy has fallen off his rocker divulging all this information in one go. My mother told me to start holding information back because maybe that’s what was scaring these guys off (no mom that’s not what it is it’s half of these guys are junkies who just use drugs and woman to get what they want). You know opening with hey there nice to meet you I have declared bankruptcy, am an ex alcoholic and come with a TON of a baggage.
He must have been able to hear my hesitation (I at first thought he was lying) as he just followed up with I like to get it all out there and not waste time. So many times we talk for weeks and then they find out something and they stop talking to me. Ya I know that feeling happens to me alot too. The girlfriend dying…probably just a lie for sympathy. What blew my mind was after talking for 10 minutes he asked if I wanted to meet up. He said he had a good feeling about me and wanted to know sooner than later. After explaining that I was going to work till 6 we decided to meet up for a coffee.
I guess some of you are wondering why I would ever meet up with somebody who just told me all that. My answer was simple. I met up with guys that told me alot less and they ended up being losers!! Spoiler alert if you keep blaming your ex about her meth problem and thats why you lost your house but your front teeth are black…pretty sure that makes you a liar. Here I had a guy who right in front of me admitted all of his faults. Laid everything on the line to see if I was going to walk away. In that moment he was honest. He has always been honest about who he was, is and will be. Where he irritates me is the lack of attention and time spent together. Somehow complaning about a man at home safe and sound getting his sleep for the exhausting work week ahead seems so trivial. When you consider where he has come from and all that he has endured he is a pretty good catch. Maybe we both have some soul searching to do to keep blossoming into the people that we are born to be. Maybe there is a reason we came together that day in that moment. Why no one else has ever worked but somehow we find a way to hang on. Maybe it’s time to watch our Sunday night movie and rest up for the week ahead. I am ready to keep on this journey and to hopefully inspire and invoke something in you. Tune in next Sunday when we talk more about my hubby and how it is he has become the man he is today.