With the billions of people out there how does one even go to look for a new potential partner in crime. Looking deep inside oneself you can find out what sort of qualities will stimulate your soul and challenge you. To formulate a list of qualities that will proove to be beneficial in the long run at least helps bear some of the weight of narrowing down your search. Part of the fun is getting out and being seen so on your journey of self discovery look for someone who will be your Betty to your Veronica paving the way for a life time of bliss.
All great friendships come from a place of mutual understanding. Take Betty and Veronica for example. Both are complete opposites and like to tease and ridicule each other but when push comes to shove they usually end up having each other’s backs. That is the test of true friendship. You want a friend that is going to help guide you back into the light when you are suffering from prolonged darkness but will also be your confidant when it appears the rest of the world has turned its back. With my love of reading and my desire to find a connection that reenergizes my outlook on life. It is necessary to dissect the nature of your friendships one by one to ensure that you have found one that encompasses all the dynamics that you are looking for. Just like a neutral toned blazer the right friend will activate your senses. Having the right supppot network in place the hardships that life throws at you will feel not so harsh when you aren’t suffering through them alone. I have narrowed down the qualities of a good friend to these 7. This is just a starting point on which to springboard off of. Obviously a great friend will possess way more than 7 but without at least these 7 your friendship will never stand the test of time.
1. Honesty. With phrases like “honesty is the best policy” and “honest people don’t hide their deeds” it is important that we start with what is probably the most challenging characteristic out there. I true friend should make you want to be honest with each other and more importantly with yourself. It is hard to live an honest existence with the way socail media is these days. Individuals would rather rake somebody over the coals for words that are taking at of context. The torches and pitchforks of long ago have been replaced by the trolls of the internet. Not a day goes by when the internet is flooded with these great honest opinions that are only posted to stir up problems. It is hard to put forth your true authentic self when we see so many people doing just that. We live in a time of filters, ghosting and even where people portray to be something they are not by hiding within the depth of the world wide web. If you can not be your true self within the company you keep you are not being honest with yourself. Honesty is a two way street that when fed properly will connect the two of you in a way that can never be broken.
2. Accepting. We are all destined to walk on our own paths in the way that we see fit for us at that time. I friend that accepts and embraces ou for all that you are is worth it’s weight in gold. A true friend will accept the choices you make even though at the time they might not agree. It is a very hard skill to acquire especially if your friend is in an abusive situation. Taking a minute to see her circumstances from her point of view the last thing she needs is somebody else preaching to her about what to do. It is hard in those circumstances but to full accept this challending time in her life to build her up and try to get her away from that circumstance is the best thing. If you truly love your friend you will value her decisions even the incredibly hard ones that don’t make sense. She will need you when you are feeling confident enough to leave. I true friend will always weather the storms with you.
3. Low maintenance. In the ever changing hectic world that we are all apart of the only way to achieve balance is to come from a place of mutual understanding. We are all pressed for time so factoring in a friend that maybe doesn’t understand the work load that comes with having a husband and kids it is best to venture into waters where you have something in common. This is not a hard and fixed rule it is just easier for Mom friends to understand the demands on each other opposed to somebody who is 100% independant and free from obligations. Having a friendship that can withstand periods of inactivity but once together feel like no time has passed out all are the best. Being able to pick up right where you left off relieves yourself of any negative pressures or uncomfortable feelings when it feels like you are in the presence of a stranger.
4. Non judgemental. What we need most in our lives is somebody who can build us up in the times that we are not feeling our best. A friend should never try and get you to doubt yourself and your abilities but bring out those qualities you might not be able to see for yourself. A friend who is constantly pushing you into conforming to them in some sort of way is what we in nature call a bully. A friend would never cut you down or impose some radical way of thinking or handling a situation. The end goal is always the same. When in the presence of good company you are always in a safe and free judgment place. If that is not the feeling that resonates inside of you then it is best to move along. You will find yourself in the most uncomfortable situations. You are only as good as the company you keep so just standing around idle while your friends judge others is also not good. Be the person that the people who love you already think that you are. There is no shame in being the one to stand up to those that are judging others. This is your time and your voice don’t stand in the shade to allow others to bask in the light.
5. Loyal. Having the one person on this earth that will always have your back no matter what the pressures of the outside world are imposing is one of the highly sought after qualities out there. We live in a world where we have become obsessed with ourselves and the idea of stardom. At times it seems that we have these blinders on that only allow us to want to succeed. What we need to look for is the type of friendship that is all encompassing. That no matter what the universe is throwing at us we have somebody we can depend on. They are the ones that will help in times of financial strain, love strains, mental health and all things in between. The hardest thing to come out of these friendships is the realization that maybe they are one sided. These are the ones that only show up when times are good and want to bask in your glory. These fair weather friends were also the first to hit the high roads when times were tough for you. When contrasting the two it is easy to see who your loyal friends are. When times are at the darkest your true friends are the ones that always have your back. You will see what I mean when you experience your next down dip in this roller coaster ride of life. You may have hundreds of friends now but given a personal emergency you will see that number dwindle down until your next upward swing. There is a reason why some people choose to remain anonymous after winning the lotto. I think we all know what I mean by that. Growing up and being the only one with a job at 15 I actually had what I like to call pay check friends. They were the first to show up when I got paid but they were also the first to leave when they money was all gone. At the time I felt pretty loved and super cool but fast forward to where I am now I wish I took the time to nurture the friendships that would have standed the test of time instead of trying to have short time fame in my incredibly small town.
6.Respectful. A true friend is conscious of the time and energy that you are putting forth into the relationship and handles themselves accordingly in the relationship. They value your time and your secrets and would never talk behind your back. Some friends will use your secrets as conversational currency to try and get a leg up with other friends. In a world where there is so many evils lurking in the shadows it is imperative to enter into a mutually respectable friendship. We all love to dish and dare I saw gossip but as long as it is in good company and not meant maliciously or for alternate reason friendly banter can serve it’s purpose. Sometimes we need an outlet to divulge our secrets we just need to make sure it is being done in good company. We have all slipped into that vortex when we desire to be at the center of attention. When our words are being valued and we have captivated the attention of our audience it fills an immediate void. The problem is if it is done at the expense of another the chances of it coming back to haunt you intensifies as you wait on anxious breath to see if your secrets have been revealed.
7. Trust. The basice quality that we should all demand in our relationships. Without trust who do we become? The friend who can steal anything both of tangible or intangible descent is the furthest thing from the truth. Think about the friend who steals another friends boyfriend or husband. Not only did you not respect the boundaries and nature of your friendship. They went off and divulged in their senses that only benefited them. It can be argued that they believed your partner was their soul mate and that if they were your true friend you would understand. I suggest garbaging both your mate and the friendship. No good will ever come out of somebody who can so outwardly rip your family, future, and well being apart. If you have ever been cheated on you can intensify it by a million if your best friend is the one that has fallen into your mates arms. I am telling you this from a place where it has happened. I will never forget the feeling as my friend kept me out of the house while my boyfriend at the time moved out of our place and into hers. I even remember the phone call as she was driving us too lunch. It seems he was able to move all of his junk to his house and she was free to drop me off. Entering my now empty apartment I was left to faced this enormous severity alone. Sitting on the floor of my now furnitureless appartment I was forced to call my mom and beg to be allowed to come back home. He didn’t even leave me with enough gas in the car to get home. Trust is the basis for all relationships because with out that comforting feeling it is hard to have the strength required to feel free and to be yourself.
The right friendship is meant to enhance and challenge you. They become your silver lining when the rest of the world is grey. One thing that I have learned over the many years that it is ok to be your own best company. I have struggled for years with self serving, one sided friendships. For now I do keep alot of acquantances because life is not meant to be lived alone. What I am desiring is a friendship that satisfies these 7 qualites and in time I hope for more.