It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don’t make you a better person…you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens..you’ll always love them. (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Soulmate)
Through out this journey of self discovery not only am I uncovering things about myself I never knew existed, but I can see these little tiny holes that have long been forgotten. There is no knowing for sure just how many mates that are out there that speaks to us on a spirital subconscious level. I am sure that through the passage of time these individuals have graced me with their presence in one form or another. The more I expand my mind and nurture my soul the more these holes expand and form a longing in my heart. I know I have been lucky enough to have the raw depths of my soul stimulated but I was to immature and inexperienced to realize the value of the friendship that I was beginning to form.
Life partner both sharing love, happiness, joy and sadness together, standing for other whenever required. Life goes smooth whenever your life partner is together & adjustable. (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=life+partner)
Maybe a life partner is just that. It is your safe place where you raise and nurture a family. Together with your parnter you face the hardships of the world without fear or ridicule that you will fail. Your life partner will always be that constant in your life. Your safe place. It is within these safe walls that you can, without hesitation, look deep within yourself and feed the child within to help ease the pain of what has been laid out before you. The demons of your past don’t define you here nor will they tempt you away from what you know is good and just. Together in life you will face the hardships like a unified front in order to come out on the other side. When you are with the right person who accepts you for who you are then you are finally free.
There is no doubt in my mind that in my husband I have found my life partner in my husband. We have formed a unified front and family that together we are more powerful than alone. In our relationship I am free to continue looking within myself to see what else I have to offer the world. I may not be connecting with my husband on a spiritual or mental level but what we have is a deep love that has formed during a mutual desire to see our family succeed. Where my moral dilemma lies is in that deep, stimulating rock you to your core kind of relationship. As I explored the possibility of having this type of connection in my life there was something that was very clear. My life wouldn’t have the same rich experience that it would have if I had a friend that stimulated my soul I use the term friendship as that is what I am longing for in my life. I have no desire to engage in a sexual relationship outside of my marriage. It is not who I want to be or to have my son experience. I was lucky in the sense that all through school my parents managed to stay together. My sister, on the other hand, became the ticking time bomb. Once she graduated and moved on to school my parents seperated. Staying together for the children is a terrible idea if it is done for the wrong reasons. Again I feel like I must resay this part but I do love my husband. I love our family and the life that we have built. I love that I am free to raise my son, raise funds and start my own profit, get out in the community, have the love of so many animals…what I am missing is a friend. Somebody I can connect with on a deep level. You know that friendship where nothing needs to be said because with one look and a smile you have all you need to know.
Alot of people believe that what happened in your past must stay in your past. I simply ask the question what if something from your past you were too immature to handle then but now after taking some time to mature you are able to connect on an emotional level. It is rather absurd to think that one person can fit all of your needs into one giant basket. I know that idea seems as far fetched as snow in June (oh wait that’s a real thing here in Alberta). Sometimes when the boys are asleep and all my chores are done I reflect on those that have crossed my path over my lifetime. You never know the significance of a chance encounter over and over again. Maybe in those moments in time you weren’t ready for that friendship. Maybe with enough time that fire you originally thought you shared between a person is just your souls recognzing each other. B taking the time to reflect and absorb the energy around you you can feel just how real the moment has become and will mean to the both of you. Nobody can have everything in common because life would be boring. The same could be said for expecting your mate to tick off all of lifes expectations.
For me myself in this direction of life I am looking to find somebody who stimulates my soul. It is not about sex but a deeper connection. I want somebody I can share witty banter with, ideas on life and even somebody who expresses themself creatively just like I do. Somebody who enjoys fundraising and getting out in the community is a major big bonus. I am looking for the type of friend where time both speeds and slows when they are in the room. I am want to find somebody who is an active participant in their life and who isn’t scared to impose the necessary changes that life demands out of us.
I miss those calls at 2 in the morning when the rest of the world is asleep. Lately I have felt my energy shift as I make room for this special person to enter my life. The idea that maybe in just a very short time I am going to have that type of friend that dreams are made out of. Just like in a rush to find a boyfirend I fear that maybe I disregarded some of the best potential friendships of my life. I am so open to this idea.
I don’t want you think that I don’t have friends because I do. What I am missing is that deep friendship where it’s like tell me all your secrets and you tell me mine. No matter how connected me and my husband are there is a definite difference between the best friends that me and him are compared to what I am looking for. I think that maybe this is the key to getting balanced. The more I think about the idea of being able to share conversations of philosophy, women in power, our marriage and of course those lil skeletons in the closet that we all have and try to keep locked up away from everything.
I must mention that it is not like I am hiding a whole bunch of stuff from him. It’s just I know that there are certain things he would rather not be engaged in. Hopefully by me stopping trying to fit him into this perfect husband mold I can just tweak the design a little bit better. While out on a playdate today with our lil I told my friend that I was now ready for a soul mate. Quickly she jumped to the conclusion that I was looking for something physical. Maybe there is something wrong but for right now I am loving the time that I have dedicated to myself. I have uncovered this passion for knowledge and music that I spent the last 40 years ignoring. As long as my husband is happy with the dynamics of our relationship I guess there is nothing to complain of. Hopefully by exploring this new avenue of friendship I can unburden my husband from being able to stimulate me mentally. He’s super exhausted from his physcially demanding work day that I am sure he will probably enjoy my lack of trying to stimulate his mind into deeper thinking.
A group of people, usually of the same blood (but do not have to be), who genuinely love, trust, care about, and look out for each other. Not to be mistaken with relatives sharing the same household who hate eachother. REAL family is a bondage that cannot be broken by any means. (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=family)
The life that we have built together has united us as family. Not only has he saved my life he has made my life. There was a time when it felt that everybody had turned their back on me. Feeling defeated and alone it was hard to not to want to turn to anything that will help numb the pain. In those moments you can’t be exposed. It is human instinct to want to survive so going into survival mode you either gravitate towards your next nightmare or you find yourself being pulled out of it all by what can only be explained by my destiny. My husband is my nurturer and protector. He was able to see past all the armour I had protected myself with to get to the child that was underneath. When I felt weak he gave me his strenght to draw from. He wasn’t scared to put me in my place nor was he scared to let me go and fly. He believed that I could be something when nobody else wanted to give me the time of day. It was that belief that got me to where I am now. Yes we fight but most people who love each other do. We do not have to share everything. We just have to share enough that we both feel safe from the harms of the outside world and to have the faith required to keep going. Even when the rest of the world begins to question you and your intentions it is the faith that you have in each other that becomes your beacon home. If you are always uprooting who your life partner is how can you say that that person was your life? Don’t you have to span over a lifetime (over your lifetime) to be able to use that title? There is a great peace that comes over when you no longer have to keep looking and waiting for the axe to drop. You will no when you get there. To forever keep striving for greatness is lifes greatest gift. The ability to keep on going when the rest of the world would have stopped long ago is the sign of a great leader. To persevere when others have failed will speak volumes. This is your life your one shot to life it in the way that will make your soul sing. That is what I am looking for now. A Conneciton with somebody who stimulates my soul. Who understands me before I understand myself. That is lifes greatest gift and now after 40 years I am now at a place where I can fully embrace this opportunity with open arms. I am excited for this next time in my life. Just like all that has come before the best is yet to come.