I know for some of us the constant battle of what the meaning of life is and what exactly does all this mean. We see horrific events unfold before our very eyes what appears to be minute by minute. In a world that has stopped evolving and now sits every so slight teetering back and forth. There is fear in my heart that is hard to ignore. My fear is that people will continue to do bad things. That hurting people will become common almost like how it is now. Really bad things happen to real bad people and here we are turning our backs. I decided a long time ago to be the change that I wanted to see in the world. You know it wasn’t until I watched a T.V. movie that I knew these were the words of Gandhi. I must have heard them in passing but these days that is what consummes me. It is my drive behind everything. I know that I am nothing close to who I used to be. When I think about those times it is hard for me to believe. It’s not that I feel ashamed, I know everything that I came across along the way defines me today. Inside of me is this storey that burns to get out. Every time I see or hear about something else that has happened to somebody younger than me I can’t believe it. Why have I had the grace to be so lucky. I was free to make these ridiculous choices with little or no consequences. Why is it that others don’t get these chances but somehow I have been spared?
Ever since my dance with destiny my whole way of being has changed. I absolutely love the conversations with my Auntie as I can feel these deep super connections and I know that she understands where I am coming from. Sometimes we don’t see eye to eye but she keeps me centered, she keeps me focused. It is so nice to have at least one person that understands, presents opposing thoughts and loves me unconditionally to give me the strength that I so need on some days. There have been some difficult days that have passed. I felt myself slipping like maybe just maybe my best would never be enough. When I see these shelters that are maxed and need help my heart breaks as I try to generate the interest to get our community to help out. It’s a constant battle in my own head to tell myself I did I good job. I know that every step I take in the right direction to be a positive change will be rewarded. It might not be in the way that I originally expected but you do feel the warmth that helping out a great being brings into your heart.
Yesterday was my birthday and I was just lucky to be alive. At 5am in the morning I started to toss and turn so I reached for my phone. Just wanting to waste time and fall back to sleep this morning I needed a nudge in the right direction. A sign from somewhere to have the courage to keep going. Something was telling me it was all going to be worth it and that’s when I read this:
““I always felt like the Robin to your Batman and I know I will never be able to fill this gaping hole in my heart or fill the shoes you have left behind. Your family loves you dearly as do your friends,” her husband Justin Grunewald wrote on his Instagram page the day she died.”
It was a scroll that I couldn’t move past I had to know more about this storey. Who she was, what had happened to her and why. I found myself reading about U.S long distance runner Gabriele Grunewald who just passed away of a 10 year battle with cancer. Her husband had wrote that letter when she was first diagnosed in 2009. She had a rare salivary gland cancer and then thyroid. She passed away on Tuesday at 32. Sadness overcame as I thought of the loss of her life. At least that was my natural reaction to the storey. I decided to look up the original post that her husband posted. I guess that is just the way some of us are wired…the desire to be nosey. What I saw was a beautiful young woman who loved her husband, her life and her friends. After the hand of cards she was dealt she chose to embrace her life and live it with passion. She continued to race even while she was undergoing treatment and surgeries. She posted about her journey and even showed pictures of what could only be perceived as her weakness. I was captivated by her smile and I was humbled by her existence. Why would something happen to somebody so kind, so beautiful, so sweet and so fast. She had written that because of how she was feeling she would be unable to run in her Brave Like Gabe foundations which raises money for rare cancers. How devestatingly sad that she was not well enough to attend and now this beautiful being has moved on to a better place.
One of my favourite teaching from Plato was that the creation of life is when soul and matter combine. So when soul and matter break apart where does the soul go. That is the answer that I know we will never be privy to for as long as we are here. So for as long as I am here I will use my body as a vessel to relay these messages of hope. We have so much to live for but some of us do so little. That can’t be the way that I live out my days. I have lived far too many of them being a selfish brat. I could say that now with confidence. I wish I listened to my elders when they gave me their advice. They were so right in saying they new what they were talking about. Not much has changed over the years. Life is life we have just started teaching ourselves to be stimulated in other ways than the mind. This leads to poor uneducated decisions. So not only do we not listen to our elders we have decided that we know all. What a recipe for disaster.
We all live similiar life paths but some of predetermined durations. Remember that movie Final Destination? Totally not a fan but it did teach me when its your time its your time. How does this all come together? I guess the best way to live is to be happy, take risks and let yourself love and be loved. If Gabriele could live 10 more years living life to the fullest after all the crap that got tossed her way then I too will take risks. I didn’t know her at all until this morning. Just hearing her storey and having her family share the impact her existence had on their lives makes me determined to be a better person. There is nobody undeserving that I won’t help. We share this planet together and it sure is never going to be easy. It seems we are destined to be lead by some of the most…interesting characters in history so it is up to us to help live our lives with as little of interruption as possible. Humans live better when surrounded with the right company. I wanted to be everybody’s right company but I know that this will be a far out dream. Most beings need other beings to get through the days hence why I love my animals. I connect with them on this level of just pure love and acceptance. They have always been the first to comfort me when I have had a long stress day. They all take turns coming in for the snuggles to absorb away some of my grief.
Being selfless is the only true way my heart finally feels full. Like as long as I keep striving to find new ways to help and make the world a better place the more my world begins to feel like that place. I love to chat and tell my storeys as they are meant to deliver a message. My Aunt will tell you it’s impossible but I will tell you that you do control your own destiny. You control your own thoughts so you can manifest certain energies into being. If I am having a down day my whole house seems to shut down. Overall though this is where my heart calls home. My community is my home and we are all welcome in it. You can always count on me for a warm friendly smile or some positive encouragement. I know what it feels like to think that you are all alone. Now think about what I just said I am all alone…Alone where? In my house? On my street? In my town? Impossible! I only feel alone because that is where I have decided to reside. It is my choice if I wanted to burrow myself deeper down in or if I wanted to take a chance to see what is going on out there. I love the people I get to interact with her in my town. I have a lot of pride in the community I meet and the company I keep. My batteries were feeling low but it is amazing how a little bit of event planning can take the edge off. I can’t wait to meet and get to know some new girls. Not to mention that we are taking an impromptu road trip before my hubby starts his new job. Yes that’s right a new job making $5 more an hour with immediate benefits. Did you read the part where the medium said that there was more money coming our way in July….well that is also 100% true too so I totally must be on the right path.
Every day is worth it all. The toddler tantrums, the eye rolls, even the conversations that you walk into that are about you and ya even the ones where you get let down by the people you love. It is all irrelevant at the end of the day because none of those feelings go with you anywas so why hold any contempt in your heart. If you get rid of that negative space and thoughts you make room for even better ones to take up residancy. This is something you are going to want because it is it’s own natural high. It is so easy to remember. Just keep the positive coming in and stop any negative from going out. I have no time for people these days that want to sit around a campfire and talk trash. Trash belongs all in the same place at the city dump long forgotten and eventually baried so that it is no longer seen. All I have to do is think of Gabriele and I know I can be brave like she was. I owe it to her existence to honour her in this way. I didn’t know her at all but it’s her storey that moves me. And that smile. I am telling you check out her instagram. It is full of beautiful photos one right after another of a beautiful soul that was taken far too soon and the impact it had on those that loved her. The world has become a better place because of her existence. I will be strong. In moments of my weakness I will remember her strength and I will remind myself to be brave like Gabe because my life has been lucky and I will push through when the world told her to give up she fought back. What an amazing being who will live on forever through these stories of her bravery and her virtue. She was a modern day warrior who now more than ever deserves to finally be at peace.