So I can’t help but be a little bit curious to know what the best part of your day is. Do you have something that you like to do or get done that makes you feel like getting out of bed today was totally worth it? I have alot of time to self reflect on the day and trying to define my own happiness. So far I have learned that you can’t control any outcome that includes being responsible for other peoples feelings. The best we can hope for is an understanding but to be honest that seems to be few and far between these days. There is no right or wrong way to live. We all have our interests, likes and dislikes and we try to live our lives according to all of those things.
Last night was really hard for me. I couldn’t stop thinking about sweet lil Poppy. She was the tiniest of little terriers and oh so cute. She had the sweetest lil black face that when you petted that soft spot between the eyes you could see her smile and lean into you. This for me was love at first site. I didn’t even notice her deformities at the time. The representative at the shelter had to point it out. Her little back legs were bowed in and she had an incredible time trying to walk. I asked the rep her storey as I always do when I meet a new animal. She was the dog who came in completely neglected and terribly matted. It wasn’t until she had a haircut that they noticed her deformities. They discovered that her last 4 vertebrae were fused and she had no control of her bowels or urine. Her tail also looked deformed and maybe even burned from maybe her fur being dose in heavy urine. After all that she only wants to be loved. The treatment for her therapy would run up to $800 a month. That is some peoples rent. The very idea that this sweet soul might never now the feeling of falling asleep in somebodys arms truly breaks my heart. My husband once again said I can’t save them all. If you would have seen this sweet lil lady you would want her to experience all that and more too.
I knew I had to really make my mood a positive one. Not for me but for my family. The mood of all of us in the house is deteremined by me. It is a wonderful feeling having so many people look up to you for care and love. This is my heaven on Earth. I am surrounded by so much love that I really am trying to be better just for them. If they look up to me then I need to keep looking up to myself too. Every day I have these goals I like to accomplish. I really should start writing in my agenda again but…it’s summer I just feel like some R and R is in order. With that said I am getting a new foster pup on Tuesday!!! That is super exciting (at least for me). My husband with his new job is working 7 days a week 12 hour days (which means he is away for about 13-14) then he sleeps. Normally this would be my breaking point. It must be hard to watch your family thrive as you are at work trying to make ends meet. He likes to say if only I would stop shopping. In all honesty I would if I thought it would make a difference but he is just a workaholic. This is how he feels validated so I need to acknowledge that part in him. He might not even make it to my next Pin-Up contest in July. The way I see it I have to be involved in something and what I am doing has really helped lift me up in ways that are hard to explain.
I try to keep myself busy with mini goals. I always tends to add more on as the days get easier. Today I was almost done everything by 3 PM. Oh ya and I challenge myself too. I try to see how quick I can get everything done. My reward is just to relax lol Today was super frustrating but the right attitude can change everything. I had a whole bunch of errands to do and I thought I was using the SUV. That is preferred as not only does it have the better car seat in it but it is way easier to get our son in and out of compared to the car. I didn’t get to everything I wanted to but I did get this super cool 7 piece waterpark for Peanut to play in. Getting up and out of the house early can be misleading especially in Alberta. Let’s just say by the time I got home and the waterpark set up it was way too cold. Things worked out though because he had fallen asleep to Dora (why couldn’t there have been Diego!) and I was able to practice all my violin songs plus get in some reading. I have about 60 or so pages left and I can’t wait to share this storey with you!! I had no idea anything like this existed. Talk about being nieve. That is what made me want to start reading more in the first place. They say ignorance is bliss but knowledge truly is power. I don’t want power in as much as I want to know where we came from, how did we evolve and why the heck do we keep doing what we do. Hopefully in time my reading will become faster because sometimes it gets hard to polish off a book. Partly it’s because I have taken my role as housewife and mother pretty seriously. I love this part of life.
There have been times when I am out walking about or driving down the street where I am thrown back to my younger days. I can’t say that I miss partying because at this point I feel very blessed to have made it out alive and to add that I made it out of there thriving and surviving. I never could have guessed this would be my life. Today though as I was walking down the street with the boys there was a street that just reminded me of being a kid. The hot dusty street, lawn mowers going, ladies screaming at their kids and dogs. I could smell the BBQ and even hear the laughter of neighbors and kids combined. My whole walk in fact reminded me of who I used to be. I saw flowers that used to surround our cabins at Brownie Camp and even this patch of long grass with what looked like wheat on top just blowing in the wind. That grass reminded me of the hay fields right before my Uncles would cut the grass and get ready to bail. At the end of a long day us kids would anxiously await for the Fried Chicken to arrive and all was well with the world. Having these memories so often throughout the day help me bring life into my son’s days. I try my best to talk him out and for walks as much as I can. The next stop is swimming lessons and play groups. He’s the greatest little boy and he deserves to have a mom that makes him proud.
All mom’s will try and explain the feeling of motherhood but there is nothing that can be compared to or said that would ever bring those feelings to justice. The fact that both of us are here makes those feelings very intense for me. My days now I try to slow so I can take them all in. I know that time is so precious and I don’t want to waste anymore. Not for anything in this world. I want my days to stimulate the depths of my soul as I learn how to to communicate with the world around me. I know that everything comes in due time and to have any kind of good fortune these days seems like a miracle. When my son looks at me with his inquisitive face and that adorable little smile my whole heart melts. I know when he cries the only thing in this world I want to do is hold him and wipe away his tears. I hug and kiss him as much as I can fit into a day. There will be a time when it is no longer cool or acceptable so I have to make enough count.
With everything we all want to feel like we have a purpose. That is what makes a choose our educational path and career. For me nothing ever felt right. I did what I had to do to make ends meet and that is all I worked for. I never succeeded in the ways that I wanted or felt fulfilled like I do now. Now that I am in this role I could never imagine doing anything else. I am prepared, however to do what is best for my family and that includes going back to work. For now we have both agreed that it is the best thing for our son and our pocket book to have me stay at home. The most important development happens in the first 5 years. Social interaction is also very important but becomes more so after 3 years of age. Maybe in 5 years I hope to get into politics. All this reading has really got me into thinking and I know I could do a better job than some of those politicians out there. Sometimes it seems like they are all a bunch of sheep leadings each other to the next disaster. I know you can’t always lead with your heart but I hope to lead by experience and knowledge. It’s not everyday you find people with alot to say or find somebody who actually wants to stand up and be noticed. The only thing I can say to that is I feel like life now has a purpose. Yes I am emotional but I can be extremely level headed when need be. I want to lead with passion and compassion where every being feels like they matter because every being in fact matters to me. That is how everyday is spent. Finding new ways to reach more people so together we can make a difference. Every day is designed to help my learn the skills I need to help get my storey told. There is committment on my part because along the way I have lost some that have meant the world to me. Without our paths crossing I would have no idea who I am or where I would be. There is peace in knowing that it was because of us meeting that the direction of my life has changed for the good.
So the best part of my day like anyday is when it is spent getting to know myself better and helping out those that I care about. Consistency is key to accomplishing anything. Dedication is second. We also couldn’t forget about the power of believing in yourself. You have to at least start there if you are expecting others to follow suit. I dare to go where no others have dared before me but I also am prepared to take calculated risks to get there. Every step in the right direction is one less down the wrong path. Me and my family will always be worth the investment just like yours is to you. There is safety in numbers and you are free to voice anything in your heart. I guess that’s why I asked what the best part of your day was. I just want to reach out and stimulate your mind.