It All Begins When you Believe

Sitting her watching NetFlix, and ya I am feeling kindof chill.  Sipping on some coffee, scrolling through faceback and listening to the rain hit the window.  It is another gloomy day here in AB but I can’t help to smile.  It not because of the cat on my pillow, the doggy at my feet or my baby by my side, although at any other given moment all those things would make me feel blessed.  It’s because I took the chance to believe in myself when not alot of people would.  I mean I was shooting for the stars with every thought I had.  There was no obstacle that you couldn’t overcome with the right mindset.  I had alot of fun fundraising for shelters and overall I think I raised close to $3,000 doing what I love nurturing for the people I love and the world that we live in.

Oh my gosh!! Reading! Being able to committ a certain amount of time to broaden your horizons is the best experience in the World.  In a World where we are all so busy these days I love to learn about the people who lived in it before me.  Maybe that’s why I love the 1950’s so much.  It’s an era where being fabulous was adored.  Movie stars were glamorous and fancy and women you could look up to.  Have we ever seen the poise, glamour and grace since the days of Marily, Audrey and Elizabeth. Oh what have we done to society.  I guess living in my World I can just radiate to those that care to be exposed to it.  Maybe, just maybe we can turn back the hands of time and enjoy being in the company of each other before the master of time makes it all fade away.

All these reasons and more have inspired me to “Be the Change that I want to See in the World.” I have a son now. I need to do better for the world in general.  When I think the life I lived before this, it has to be for a reason.  Everything is for a reason and my pain and my struggle is valid and that is why I have always said no matter who you are where you are I am here to listen.  You never have to go through anything alone nobody should.  Why do you think I have so many pets? I feel I can see the good in anybody that everybody deserves at least one chance.  What if they were truly genuine and just having a run of bad luck.  I have been there. I know that feeling.  My hand will always be open but bite that hand and it becomes something completely different.  A woman scorned…

I joined a local Fundraising Committee for It Takes A Village and got to meet some incredible ladies.  We moved into town just recently and after reading the 7 Virtues of a Philosoper’s Queen I decided to implement what Barb was saying and let me tell you my life has really began to take off. One of the things she encourages you to do is read and to get involved in your community. After getting such positive energy from being on the fundraising committee I interviewed for a position on the Board of Directors for the Rowan House here.  If I get to sit on a BOARD how amazing would that be I mean I would be so humbled to take on such a huge responsibility as looking out for our women and children in need in such a crucial time in their lives.

Oh ya and before all this I decided to submit my photo to Retro Lovely Magazine and they want to publish them!! I know I just challenged myself as a things to do before your 40 and it payed off I got in.  That new attitude is from reading the book “How to Hepburn” I did a review on the book and it talks about believing in yourself, thinking that you are pretty cool and interesting (lol I know that what Sweet Ruby Bluez is for.  When I think about who I am a stay at home housewife who is obsessed with rollers, her baby, furbabies, the 50s, who reads plays the violin, fundraises etc sounds kinda boring right but people think I am pretty cool! At least it’s on record for when my boy tells him Im not…no sorry kid its right there and google don’t lie!) and having a life credo! What’s yours? Mine is “Being the Person I was Born to Be Before the World Took Away My Smile”.  We all have baggage but its letting that baggage drop by the wayside and step forward.  I used to carry this obscene amount of weight on my shoulders but lately I have come to terms with the fact that no matter how hard I try I can’t change the past.  What I can change is what I do going forward.  I literally changed everything about myself and not beause I had to because I wanted to.  I had made all the mistakes in the past so why not throw it all out the window.  I smile alot more now and it’s from a genuine place.  Maybe it’s because of the seizures because at times my brain just works slower at times.  That has alot to do with it too I guess.  My memories are very faded like they never happened to me.  Maybe did I die that day and a different energy took it’s place.  At times I don’t feel like I recognize the Doll in the mirror.  So much happier and carefree and loving.  For whatever reason I am in a good space and I just want to radiate that to others because the World needs alot more of that these days.

We can’t forget the man who inspired it all.  My sweet Herbert.  Losing him made the World spiral out of control.  Somehow losing him he became my lil guardian buddy.  I saw him in everything that I did.  Sitting in the NICU for 2 months was incredibly taxing.  I mean I got there at 5pm at night and waited until 5am when my husband picked me up.  I held my son for as long as I could because I couldn’t bare the thought of leaving him behind.  It crushed my soul everytime I had to leave. Like that is my son! Praying everyday that he gain even a gram because it is one gram closer to taking him home.  Every morning when we got home Herbert would shriek.  He would rush up to the bed and sleep on my pillow and we even caught him in the bassinette. He kept my heart from leaping out of my chest.

I often think his presence here on Earth was never intended for long. You know sometimes in life when you just meet the kindest, sweetest most gentlest soul your heart longs for their presence but you know for the short time you knew them it was enough to last you your life time.  Anything longer your heart would have exploded.  That was him.  Shortly after we brought our son home he got sick for the first time.  Without knowing we selfishly prolonged his life through unneccessary surgeries.  We had no idea of knowing and the vet advised that in most cases it should have been ok.  There is a small percentage who reclog and when that happens there’s this surgery but with him it was too late.  It was always going to be to late because his presence in my life was far too great. I sunk into a great depression.  Luckily for me my son was so small he was content just rocking in the chair with one of those baby pillows.  I would sit there and cry while he slept.  I would wipe my tears long enough while he was awake but he was a preemie newborn he loved to sleep.  My husband worked out of town during the week.  So it was just me.  It was very hard, I became borderline obsessive so my husband encouraged me to get involved with the Pin-Up girls on the West Coast.

I was very self concious being a new mom and not getting out much that I oddly got strangely excited when I let the rainbow shine in a little bit.  One of my friends who lived done the street came over and helped me plan for a Betty and Veronica inspired pageant.  I had never did a themed pageant so this WAS going to be a ton of fun.  We planned for weeks and days getting everything so-so.  I mean I sewed lil cupcake buttons on this cute lil Pop’s Shoppe Dinner girl costume.  I was toying with the idea of rolling out on my skates but I would go right off the stage lol Travelling to BC and over to the Island was the BEST thing I ever did.  I decided to get out of my shell and see what the world had to offer and it WAS AWESOME!! I WON! But more to that I met THE most amazing bunch of ladies ever.  I have flown out a few times to attend different events.  Their West Coast Pin-up Academy was amazing it is how I got some of these great pics and how I now use their tips and techniques for my hair and makeup and pretty much how I live my day to day lie. I love those girls so much and owe them so much for being so positive. Thank you for making this my life. And Pinup Perfection Photography, Brook Thompson and Gary!! I love all my new photos.  Talk about getting me out of my shell Va Va Voom.

Lastly let’s talk about why you should always believe in yourself and be your own #1 fan is because of this.  In the Winter when I was thinking of putting on a Pin-Up contest I fell into contact with the High River Car Club.  We ran with the idea of doing a Pin-Up Calendar Pin-up Search and let me you tell you it is about to EVOLVE! I mean we all have a dream way of how we hope something happens and this is pretty much how it is happening for me.  You know when the all the right stars align and you meet all the right people and things are happening!! I am telling you we should all be excited about what is happening here in the High River community.  Some truly great people are making some truly positive things happen and it’s becoming the World I truly dreamed it could be for my son.

Oh YA!!!! I am also doing the Vernon Pin-Up in the Park Pin-Up Contest in 10 days so that is going to be so AMAZING!!! I can’t wait to get in some girl time and dress up in my new UK Picnic Outfit and my custom hair piece from a very dear friend. This summer is pretty amazing.  Throw in a Pin-Up contest in Toronto in August and The Sweet Cherry Pie Contest in September and it seems like can’t get much better than that.  Oh wait it can!! I am going to be on a talkshow called “Under the Dryer” to cap off my Pin-Up Tour. It’s going to be a super awesome time. The best part of all this is the people I get to meet when I am doing all this.  I am bringing my Polaroid so if you see me out and about and want a pic I am just a click, click, shimmy, shake, shake away!

Photos by: Pinup Perfection

Photos by: Brook Thompson

Photos by: Gary Keay

Oh and for those of you offended or who takes my derrierre a little to seriously let me tell you this,

“This body doesn’t belong to me

One day it will be returned to the earth,

What I get to keep forever is what I nurture inside of me.

And to me truly there is no greater gift”

 

 

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