You know the craziest thing happens when you live being your true authentic self. Life gets better, colours are brighter, there is more laughter and smiles to go around and life is trulyg great. We get together to celebrate each other’s victories because we know the feeling of the other side. Because we love our friends so much we want to celebrate when they shine. It is the most incredible feeling in the world when this begins to happen. The dream of finding a group of women who finally accept me has finally come true. It is true 1000%, live your life with purpose and happiness and the rest falls into place.
Long before I was the exact opposite. I was constantly chasing these unobtainable beings that were just going to chew me up and spit me out whole. I think somewhere inside I was always on this path of self destruction. It was alot easier believing that you know were no good to anybody and that was your destiny. There was no real one thing that pushed me in the right direction but a continuous and persausive nudge. I always wanted to believe in myself but never truly understood what that meant. I think it finally came to me when I started looking through the eyes of others. The pain that one feels when they draw from those that are in serious amount of inner turmoil is something that even I turn my head at at first. The special gift that encompasses all that we are is this light that we get to share with the world. That light can only be seen when you truly allow yourself to shine. To shine with zero inhibition or care is truly a divine feeling. It is only when everything starts to work in sync that the journey becomes all that more interesting.
I have been very busy this weekend. Planning for yet another Pin-Up contest. My goal this time around was to improve on how I did last time. It wasn’t so much as you better crack the top 3 (of course I wanted to). But it truly was just focusing on letting that light shine from within. I decided almost immediatley that I needed a theme and almost immediately I decided that the theme had to be Honeybee’s. Any picnic that I have ever been to I have always seen bee’s. My favourite being those big fluffy bumblebees. I haven’t see one of those big guys around since I was a little girl. I sure hope it is just the climate that keeps them away. I am always wanting to be unique, creative and different so I found a lady from the UK who makes these short rompers. I of course picked a yellow gingham with black accents to be symbolic of the bee. You know when you start getting excited about something it takes on a life of it’s own. That was me when it came to the Vernon Cruise-In. I wrote out pages of poses I wanted to showcase along with the timing that my speech was read. I made sure to read and practice the whole thing twice. With and without shoes. It got to the point where my son was actually caught giving his Nannie some of his best moves. I planned everything just so right down to the honey bribe gift and bee accents on my outfit.
It was through all this planning, balancing, and day to day stuff that one has to do that I feel in love with Pin-Up all over again. More so I began watching what I was consumming. No refined sugar or deep fried foods. I know that should be a given but it is crazy the way things happened. My husband hates eating vegetables, fruit, my cooking. I don’t think I am a bad cook just the whole slaving away on a huge meal just for me and my son gets tiring. I know it is incredibly important for the both of us to be getting great nutrition so I am going to move our eating habits in the direction that I want them to go in. To me getting dressed, planning, primping, the overall getting ready to face your day is the most rewarding part of it all. When I am fully done up not only does it give people the courage to approach me, it also gives me the opportunity to approach them as well. Now more than ever there is a strong need for positive human interaction. It helps us rejuvenated and see the world for what it truly is. The right mindset and encouragement can help us move mountains and truly see ourselves in the light that others see us.
I have so many blessings in my life that I feel like I have no right to keep asking and hoping for any more. I don’t want to ever come across as selfsih as greedy as I truly do want to see my friends succeed. This past weekend when I heard my name being announced as second I couldn’t have been more shocked, flustered and honoured. I did work very hard but I never expected that I would be rewarded. My excitement grew even more when I heard the name of a woman who truly embodies everything that inspired me to be a Pin-Up in the first place. Watching her glide gracefully across the stage took me back to a time when the elegance of a woman was celebrated. Poise, manners, posture…even if a time capsule fell out of the sky nobody could have come close to the beauty that was displayed that day. It truly was an incredible honour to be called Dame to this beautiful Queen.
Every girl deserves to hear their name called just once. We all crave and deserve to have our essence acknowledge and to be reaffirmed that we are heading down the right path. Life becomes tough and can slip away even faster. It is us to try and keep our heads above water as we begin to navigate through the water. I know what else I need to improve on next time. A more polished, poised front with a just the right hint of quirky and sass. I have done several of these pageants and have been lucky enough to place in two so far. I still have two more pageants to go this summer and I am so excited to keep on growing as a Pin-Up. My personna plays a very important role for not only myself, my community but also for those who are unsure of themselves and wish they had somebody in their corner. I have always said I would never be too busy for anybody and that is always going to be true. Everybody gets one shot in my books as we all need just one person to help get us through. Sometimes though we do come across those that are just in it to take advantage and get ahead. You will know when you are in the company of those kind. The vibe immediately changes in the room. You need to have your energy continuously moving in order to prevent it from growing stangnet or worse yet caught.
There will always be those that will say and do whatever it takes to get under your skin. Those types of people don’t really want to celebrate with you and your accomplishments. They are taking notes. My number one annoyance is those with nothing nice to say probably shouldn’t be saying anything at all. I am no saint and I say things out of pure frustration, anger, isolation. It is up to use to try and rectify those wrongs. I think I have reached out to those I hurt and tried to make things better. I have to question the process though as sometimes I find myself wondering why I ever decided to reach back out. It’s like a re-reminder on why it never worked out the way you wouldn’t it to. I tend to hesitate alot before trying to add somebody back into my life. Everything stems back to my one true north, my son. There is no time on Earth that I enjoy spending time away from him. He truly is the best part of me and I owe it to him to be the best possible version of me that I can be. So far I think I am doing alright. I am pretty driven and focused on our community. I volunteer and fundraise as much as I can and truly do love giving back to my community as much as I can. There world may never be this glorious state of all beings living in harmony but I can minimize the negative energy that I put out.
As the fog from the last two weeks begin to lift I still don’t have much more clarity. It is not that I am confused but more so cautious. I enjoy the leisurely pace of trying to allow all possible outcomes to surface within my conscious brain. No matter the decision that I decide to make I can almost guarantee that it isn’t going to have the desired outcome. Maybe for now I will stay cautious as there is way too much at stake for me to be making any sudden news. As long as their is uncertainty I must refrain from making any life altering decision without further investigating the possible outcomes. The life path that I am currently on shouldn’t pose to be problematic with anybody else other than me. The only solution I can agree with right now is the continuation of embracing my Pin-Up lifestyle, more reading, more music and more feeling empowered by surrounding myself with strong beautiful woman.
You don’t have to march along to the beat of the ol drum you just need to have somebody to dance along beside you in the rain. This weekend taught me that I am definetly on the right path. Right there at the Vernon Cruise-In I had who I desired to become validated on stage for everybody to see. I pushed any concern and worry out of my head ( even the one telling me my feet had had enough…3 painful blisters later) and let myself be free out there. All my reading and exploring who I was came together in one perfect harmony. I finally felt like I was the girl before the World took away my smile. In that moment when I heard my name called for second place every single part of me felt validated. All the planning, dreaming and anxiously waiting all became one of the best moments of my life. I know that I am doing the right things. I hope to hear if I made the Board of Directors for the Rowan House this week. That would just be the icing on the cake. Oooopppsss Ice Cream on the Pie!!! ***Ding!!!***
So take those risks and embrace all those curves!! Don’t worry about what that stranger thinks YOU will probably never see them again! And if you are so lucky they will be seeing your face again but on the cover of a magazine! I kid or do I? I don’t you need to believe in yourself for you. You need to cut out all those toxic people out of your life and start bringing new, better people in. I know practice what you preach and between you and me, it truly is in the works. It’s not as easy as it used to be but at least I have this outlet to help guide me through!
This picture is of me winning second place at the Vernon Cruise-In this weekend. Photo take by Gary Keary. I still can’t believe that all this just happened. I promise to use my new found Pin-Up power for good and never evil!!!