Free to BE!

Today was the day that I have been planning for since I started this crazy idea that I could fundraise on my own. It started as a dream to name something at AARC’s after my poor sweet Herbert. To have been able to spend any time with him at all was a true blessing. His love for life was apparent and everything that he did. He would stare for hours out the window. It was almost like he was trying to soak it all in because he knew his time on Earth was short. I thought after today and being able to do something good would fill the void in my heart but it seems just for awhile it re-opened the wound. The idea that we all are destined to have the same fate makes the mystery of life that much more confusing. We are told to live each day to the fullest because tomorrow is never promised. I wonder just how many people are doing that? In order to know the answer to that we would need to know how people define living life to the fullest.
We all have the ability and capability to make choices. One would hope that these choices are made on their own free will but we can clearly see most of the way we think is being dictated to us. What a world we live in when we can sit back and barely notice the suffering that is now more common place in society. To often we are quick to throw stones because it is easier to do so than take a hard look at ourselves in the mirror. Living superficial lives we herd ourselves around like sheep to scared to stick out and try something new. I have been guilty of this on more than one occasion. I have ridiculed and made fun of people I called my friends. Not because I honestly believed what was being said but because when amongst a crowd of people we usually always side on majority. I know saying this out loud doesn’t change how poorly I behaved. Even apologizing will never fix some of it but I am hoping that the acknowledgement will release the chains and set me free.
Over the last year we have lost some incredibly great people. People who were destined to impact their world. You can feel the tension that their absence creates. Almost like you can hear the ticking of the clock wondering who it will take next. There is no escaping death just like the saying goes, “There are no guarantess but death and taxes.” I know if given the chance there is always something in your life that you would change. Why live with those regrets. Why not try to make the necessary changes now. It is alot easier said then done. There are so many road blocks, hurdles and detours. I am always wondering how the choice I make might impact my future.
You know so I was reading in our local paper that a young man from Australia and a young woman from the States were murdered in a Northern town here in BC. To me the first thing I think about is drugs. Why else could a young, promising couple be taken out like that. How horrific for the parents. The world is getting more cruel.. Probably a direct correaltion to the fact that the world is more desensitized. Take our video games for example. They are so real and vulgar. How can we expect our children not to be affected by all this violence. My desire to be a positive impact in the world is a direct response to this. I fear for the safety of all of our children. We have over populated the world, depleted all of our resources and for what? How can this be the divine plan for any of us.
I try to imagine a time when the world first started. The idea is I like to try and understand how the world turned into this. We went from having the freedom to care for ourselves by gardening, farming, raising our children and then greed took over. How did all this greed start? Why all of a sudden did we divide up the world and engage in war amongst each other. I am having trouble understanding how one culture is any more entitled to the next. The only concept which makes sense at all is the presence of pure evil. Evil is what takes us away from our friends and families and controls us through addictions, wants, desires. We are so clouded in everything that we do that the only thing that makes sense is to keep acquiring goods and utilizing all of our resources. I guess I shouldn’t generalize as there is alot of good out there as well. Just what is available to us on social media and the world wide web. Even this morning Facebook is no longer a resource for us to reconnect with old friends and to allow us the capabilities to stay in touch. What I see is millions of trolls lying in wait to pounce on any idea, thought, or status to try and upset as many people as possible. That is why the world has come to this. With the blinders on it doesn’t seem that bad. Unfortunately though we do have to take them off every once in awhile in order to better prepare ourselves for the onslaught of free thinking that tries to tear us apart.
My path of self discovery is one that I hope to inspire others to make. I have taken a look at myself from all angles and yes there have been alot of moments that I have not been proud of. I can’t even blame social media or the net for most of it as I grew up in a time where both were pretty much obsolete. In high school it could take months, maybe even years before you knew how others truly felt. You know maybe it all comes to a head on graduation. Liquid courage mixed with leaving to University of course you can just let it all out. Even in high school I remember if there was a problem or issue that needed to be dealt with it just was. You wouldn’t believe the amount of fights I have seen (this includes even women) that have ended with the two hugging it out. That is what happens when you go directly to the person. Never do I remember there being a beaten with weapons or one so bad that it took a life. Now it seems when one person is angry the one with the most “friends” wins. You got egged on by social media and the person being victimized is left feeling like only a shell. Some of these teenagers now a days do need a good spanking. Teen suicide has never been higher. Did you know teen suicide is the third leading cause of death between youths aged 15 – 24 years old. Why at that age are they being diagnosed with depression and then turn to substance to numb the pain? Speaking from experience my drinking came from feeling sad. I did feel like I had nobody in my corner and that was just all made up in my head. The pity party I threw lasted for almost 2 decades in some form of another. I can relate to the youth of today in the struggles they have to just fit in. Times have changed though so I don’t know that pain of getting up in the morning to see what all these internet trolls have been saying while you slept. The sad reality is this is only becoming an even bigger problem.
I want to create an environment that is free from ridicule and the feeling of inadequacy. We should all feel free to express ourselves in the way that we see fit as this is the only life that we got (that we know of). With so many dictators of the world pulling on the strings like we are puppets it is hard to try and evolve into a culture that first sees the human side of what we are fighting for instead of the end goal. No country, no race, no period of time should be wealthier than another. We talk about freedom all the time but do we even know what that world is supposed to mean. Our veterans fought for us to live in a World free of persecution and torture. Torture is more than the physcial. The emotional and mental abuse that most of us take on a daily basis is climbing. I mean how emotionally balanced can you be when you struggle to put food on the table for your family? What about making the decision of what bills need to be paid? Wrap your head around this number…did you know that almost 40 million American fall below the poverty line? What do we do to try and fight this problem. It is commonly believed that one person can’t change the world, yet we are letting one person destroy it. I want to find a way to help reduce this number. I know I am fighting an extreme uphill battle but at least I know that I have tried. Maybe it is guilt for the way I have treated others, maybe it is more of strong desire to leave a good impression on the World. Whatever the reason for all of it I know that my passion is definetly in helping all of the less fortunate. This means our pets, our children and even our elderly. My days are filled with so much purpose when I look at it that way. Maybe my scope is a little to large. My son has always been at the front of my mind when I started this journey. If only I could find a way to find peace and harmony in my marriage life would be amazing. Knowing what I do and seeing how I have maybe cut myself off from my husband I think it is worth exploring how I can narrow that great divide that has seem to overtaken our marriage. I spend alot of time reading about society, communities, feminism etc I think it is time for me to get to know the in and outs of human thinking and the nature of relationships.
With all that said I think it is a natural progression for me to try and reach as many people in our communities as I can. Once again Sweet Ruby Bluez continues to evolve as I move forward onto the next chapter. I decided to encompass everything that I am passionate about and expand my title to, The Prairie’s Passionate Pin-Up. I want to learn everything I can about where I live and the people in it. I want to take the time to get to know my neighbors and the members of my community. The journey will always be worth it but even more so if we can live it in harmony. Until that day I will continue to be an open and safe palce for all. I also will always be a constant place of positivity. My smile is always genuine just like my love is always pure. I have been granted the greatest gift of all. A second chance at life and a beautiful son. My thanks to the Universe is to try and make the world a better place. I know there will always be roller coasters in this amusement park called life. Sometimes I will laugh, sometimes I will cry, and other times I will feel so empty that I will not know how to go on. What I do know is that I will survive, I will inspire and I will always find a way to thrive.

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