What Pin-Up Means to Me? (and a detour down the rabbit hole)

Circulating around social media these days is a picture of beautiful dolls explaining what Pin-Up means to them. I always want to particpate and grow our community so I wanted to have just the right picture with just the right words. The more I thought about that the more I obsessed. What does it mean to me? Besides the obvious it has opened me up to limitless possibilities. I used to be scared of the World. I mean living in my own little bubble seemed to much at times. How did I go from being so shy to wanting to conquer the World? It is not so much wanting to conquer the World but make the World I brighter place. I remember when I was thinking about the defintion of Pin-Up I realized that it is something that really has no defintion. My defintion of Pin-Up is something personal it is my journey, my storey, who I am and who I want to share myself with. My eyes now seemed like they were wide open after forever being closed tightly shut. My anxiety made it so. I was a grab on and hold on tight kind of gal with my eyes closes. At times I was holding my breath to scared to open them. Before I discovered Pin-Up I was failing at life. Nothing like being a 35 year old homeless person making minimum wage…but damn that Swiss Chalet sauce you have me hooked.

I never cursed my life our the unfortunate events that seemed to follow me. I was growing tired of the results…same old losers different pile different province. The only thing they don’t tell you about dating in your mid thirties is it is like SLIM PICKINGS!!! There is nothing like a nice kick in the gut then never being married, no kids, no drama, no BS. These people don’t exist. They all have baggage ALL OF THEM!! The single 35 year old with no strings…he has the biggest STRING of all **momma’s boy** **cough, cough**. Don’t get me wrong depeneding on the severity of this bond these guys are idea. I learned long ago always take into consideration how they treat their momma’s. VERY IMPORTANT!! If he doesn’t appreciate his momma he sure ain’t going to appreciate you. You just got to watch out for the momma Grizzly. She will protect her cub at any costs. Even if you are the sweet eye doe she ain’t gonna let nothing happen between the two. NEXT Move one!!

Kids are negotiable because they are pretty great but if he treats his ex like crap…gross. Even if he treats his ex good kindof gross. It depends on what evil you want. If he is malicious and vindictive and talks horrible about his ex that isn’t good. If he gushes about how great she is I would be concerned about maybe the only reason why they aren’t together is because of her. Either way until those kids are raised they need they dad so no sense in taking away from the little bit of time they have. They only really get their parent for 18 years cut that in half in the event of divorce….maybe. Best to stay clear of all that kid drama anyways.

Then there’s the guys with allergies. I will NEVER get rid of my cats for nobody. I had a guy that needed to go to emergency because I refused to get rid of them. He was just a free loader anyways. Literally stayed with me until he got his severance work check then left me. Thanks for spending my paltry waitress salary on your food and storage fees while you got yourself sorted. Hope your life worked out for you after I tried to give you a hand. NEVER EVER compromise you for anybody EVER!!! I landed me an admitted cat hoarder. We have side stories for all of our animal. They have jobs and relationships and we are by far the craziest cat couple ever.

This could be a whole new post in itself. Haha So why Pin-Up. After a whole bunch of dead end relationships I found myself starting over in Calgary. I stayed with a girl I just met. I talked to my sister every once and awhile but it was just me and Lucy. Oh ya I got kicked out because her friend had convinced her that she saw her bpyfriend wearing only his boxers under a blanket and me looking suspiciously on the other seat under a blanket. Here’s the truth: I was working at Swiss Chalet and got back around 10. He was always just sitting there playing video games. I had no friends he felts bad for me so we would blaze and just zone out. He always played video games and I was on a dating app called Farmers Only. I still had my uniform on. I remember trying to “sleep” while they talked about what they were going to do. I don’t blame them. I would’ve been drunk and mad but the  truth is I was just greatful for a place I never would have done that. That’s how I ended up sleeping on a floor in a basement suite rite of the Red Mile. I was close enough to everything. My job was a commutte but I could find something closer. Looking at Lucy I knew our nightmares were going to soon be behind us.

To me Pin-Up saved my life. After everything that I was going through I found the only thing that made me smile was all the trinkets and vintage dresses from the lil shop across the street. I remember going over during on of their sales and fell in love with this 1950’s Pin-Up Dress. At the time I needed to lose 10 pounds but I bought it anyways. Now I am pushing about 30 extra pounds. Its not that I desire to be skinnier. I would just love for one days be able to wear that dress. I go through days where I think I want to exercise and eat super healthy but I have so many other things I want to be doing. I couldn’t imagine investing more time. I want to be healthy and I do try. It’s just super hard when my husband hates anything and everything that could be healthy. I will get there. I am alreay working on sugar. No more pops only kombucha and coffee with cream. I laugh as I write this I am no saint. My sweet tooth is aching. I  need to get these root canals dealt with…and stop eating candy and cakes…..***DAMN YOU SUGAR**

All I began to do was go to the Vintage Store after work. I would put things on lay away and submersed myself with everything I could. I bought a record player and started collecting different antiques. I started to read lil tips and tricks here and there. You know the ones red lips, defined brows, wing liner, hair tutorials (?). There was this HUGE subculture I had no idea existed. That is when I found my first Pin-Up Contest. I had no idea what I was getting into but I as hooked!!! I spent years just going to different charity events attending car shows meeting the girls. But then baby and marriage happened and moving out of Calgary kind of switched gears for me.

I dress Pin-Up everyday. I love the style. I love the way I feel. It has been my armour like a look at me World I am doing ok. Being in the hospital for a month with just me and my son and the nurses. Waking up hooked up to all those tubes. I had a diaper on, a catheter…My favourite nightie had been cut off my body. I couldn’t move from the pain. It took 3 days to see my son laying in his lil crib. He was this reddish/purpley color. They told me to hold him but I was so scared. I was on morphine and fentanyl. And he was so little. I couldn’t. I never want a day without make-up before this. I was literally at work just hours before all this. I was scheduled to go back. And now this.

For all those mothers who have ever had to leave their babies behind you helped build me. Through the incredible pain of leaving my son behind every day I got strength from all of you. I knew that I was lucky. Some of us don’t get this chance. There is no pain than what is felt when a mother is seperated from their child. This connection is always felt. My desire, after I was discharged, was to come to to the hospital dressed up as that Pin-Up I loved. I was going to smile even though it felt like my World was over. I was going to lend a shoulder, my arms to help another family or baby. I was present in those hours when nobody else was there. My husband dropped me off at 4pm everyday and got me  at 4am. It was then that I felt the real reason why Pin-Up.

To me when I become Sweet Ruby Bluez I become a beacon for anybody who needs me. My smile and the fact that I am a hugger not a shaker makes me want to always be that. I have combined my love for travel with the ability that I can reach so many more. When you are dressed up the World opens itself for you. You wear something nice and have yourself all dolled up people always say something. And if they aren’t saying something they are expecting you to. Your personality becomes loud but modest. I consider it to be me playing up to my audience. If you need to talk to me and you see me out and around I am always available. So that is why Pin-Up. Pin-up to me is a sisterhood. We can protect our families and friends when they are out and about in this big ol World. The Pin-Up community allows me to make our World safer and smaller all at the same. We are free to adventure out into the World knowing that if something were to happen there is always a friendly face at your local car show, event, fundraiser etc.

Pin-Up opened my World to a life I never even dreamed possible. I have fully embraced my role as a wife and mother and know that I have a gift that not many have. Our family dynamic is such that it allows me to embrace the love and culture that I adore. I feel it is the least I cnan do for this wonderful family and community I have stumbled myself on.

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