“Mike it is hard to realize how a complete nothing, a zero like that, could kill a man like President Kennedy was.” -Jack Ruby
Yes it takes some time to read the 650+ pages of “The Death of a President.” It’s like a part of you almost believes that if you read slowly you can stop it all from happening. There is also times when it all seems so surreal. How could something like this just happen. To anybody. Why do things like this happen?? There is no part of me that believes that this is who we were meant to be. Any of us. It takes a lifetime to learn all that you can about yourself and more. Even at times a lifetime doesn’t seem like enough and there are moments when it just seems like too much. How come there are some answers we will never know the answer too? If our soul(sole) purpose is to learn or be happy or feel love. Why is there so much pain.
Most of the time when I think about what we have become capable of doing to each other it just makes my whole body hurt. I have been a part of this. If I once was a part of bullying type behaviour and now I feel shame for my past but also super hopeful for the future. If somebody like me can heal and improve on not only myself and my family isn’t it worth exploring. It has to be worth exploring. Reading this book about the Kennedys last few days together it is hard to not just feel greatful. To have to live through what she did in that moment I do no know if I could ever have the strength. I feel these glimmers of pain out of respect for how dignified she was. The whole time she held her late husband in the highest of honours. She maintained as close to his body as she could. She wanted to perserve his image and his legacy. There were too many people who wanted to see the fall of this one man. There are so many times when throughout the book they said life as we knew it was going to forever be changed.
I share my stories with everyone. Well with those that will listen. I love to chat and get the view points of others as I feel it helps expands my mind. I am used to thinking the way that I do so why not ask others their perspectives. So in convesation we started talking about JFK and the book I was reading. Oh right he was from Texas and I was like ohhhhhh!!!! I used to like Texas until I started reading this book and now I am not too sure what to think. I kid you not this is what I say at the Madison airport to a stranger. I think he was floored by what I just said. I was in my cute lil nautical romper and had done a suicide roll in the front so I guess he was not I had anything too inteligent to say. He gave me his opinion on the whole thing and this is what he had to say. JFK was assasinated for his unwillingness to play within the Stone Masons Society. All I know about these guys is its a secret society of entitled individuals who conform laws, policies and our way of living to their every wim. I think the Skullz was loosely based on this idea too. So now my mom brain is spinning! Actually blown right off it’s hinges. So imagine this thought fresh in my mind.
The significance of this book that I am reading is it is the only one that Jackie Kennedy authorized to be written. She knew how much her late husband had respected his written abilities so she thought it would be his wishes to have this book written as well. Other than his life there is one other thing that gets left behind in Dallas. Through only the fault of the individual who had passed it off. Or maybe it was a rouse to get it off the plane in the first place. Right there in the chapter Book One: CHARCOAL Go, Stranger the threads of a mystery begin to unwind. You can see the glaring holes jump out of you through the pages. It almost feels that maybe text has been removed like maybe since after the print. When Johnson was to be sworn in there was no bible to do the swearing on. Agent Ayres knew where he kept his bible. A very unusual handmade copy of the bible with his initials engraved on the cover. The Judge looked at the bible suspicisiously but took the oath anyways and sworn Johnson in. In a furry of events the engine roared up and Sarah leaped of the plane. Sarah was hailed over by a very confident man asking to have the possessions that were in her hands. Not thinking much of anything she handed over the card that the oath was written on and JFK’s bible. So here’s my thoughts who in their right mind would steal a family bible such as that. It never surfaced again ever. 60 years has passed and no mention of either anywhere. Maybe they show up. I am only on page 329 but now I am feeling just a lil bit creeped out at the possibility that maybe it was more like a fraternal order book. Something more sinister that he didn’t want to be a part of. Something that had to dissappear into the darkness just like he did on that day. Something really doesn’t add up here about anything.
Again I ponder the reality of a nothing being able to come even into a close proximity to the leader of the Nation. Where were the security measures in place? Was the CIA agent really Oswald or was it another agent that had the President lined in his sites? Whatever happened in that fraction of a second it ended a life. It took a man who only wanted to live his best life. That sat beside his wife on the way to a convention to inpsire and motivate the people he lived. Yes he came from a wealthy family but his life was far from blessed. His health was always at the forefront and he lived in pain. He had just received yet another surgery to heal his back. Living with pain is not easy. Living in the shadows of others is even worse. He dared to live a life that he thought would benefit everybody inand in the end it was the hope that he had for us all that died that day.
To live a life of complete ignorance where ours is the only life that matters will hurt all of those around us. We will never know the true purpose of our lives but we can try to wade through the wealth of information that we have and use it to help guide our way. I use the knowledge laid out in front of me to help form my own opinion. If I just took for what is being said word for word then we are destined to walk down the same path. If we explore the possible outcomes and not obsess over the facts that maybe just maybe our individual lives will have more meaning. Reading through the pages of someone else’s worse nightmare puts ours into perspective. When Jackie had to bare witness to the most horrific event of her life she was put on public display at a time when we didn’t have the social media firestorm we have now. There are no fabricated stories of the facts are memes to make us shiver. Just the cold hard facts that a woman sat beside as her husband was executed in cold blood in front of the American people and in front of the World. She held his head in her hands and wrapped him carefully with the coat os one of his agents. She remained kept a constant vigil at his bedside even though he had no more life to give. She never shed one tear as she was America’s First Lady and she couldn’t allow the public to see what they had down. Not in this moment. Not at this time. She kneeled in his blood and said a prayer and searched for the right momento to lay to rest with him. This was a tradition they had started together as they barried their son Patrick who passed in mere infancy. She remained by his side even in air transport. She had to bare witness to the new President being sworn in as hers was being returned home in a Reddy Bronze casket. Only as she sat in the tail of the plan with another agent did she allow herself to cry. Her World. Her Dreams. Her life. Her Future was all gone in a blink of an eye. Her clothes were still laid out perfectly beside her late husbands on the bed in the Air Force Cabin that they had shared their last night together. Their biggest fear was now their living reality. In her grief she refused to remove her pale pink outfit as it was the last time she saw her husband, touched his hand, smiled at him and waved to their adoring public. She wanted everybody in the World to see what they had done. She wanted people to acknowedge the nightmare that unfolded. She wanted the American Public to be held accountable for their rage, their hate, their anonymity for the World they had created and their desire to not do a damn thing about it. In one split second her World was over but out of all the carnage a new woman was born. She was strong, stoic in her nature. Although her heart stopped in the same moment that his did, her love for him and his purpose for being started it beating again.
I know we can’t all be like Jackie. And I sure as hell hope that we never have to experience this level of hate again. Their American Dream was murdered that day but ours doesn’t have to be. We don’t have to follow in the footsteps that mitigate hate. We can dare to live a different way and dare to dream for a different tomorrow. I don’t know what my World holds or if I will ever get the chance to reach the masses that they did. In her courage I will keep trying though. I have a family who depends on me to keep on growing and searching for the truth. I have history to explore to learn about all those that have dared to dream before me. I know I am only one but I believe I can be mighty. Although not at the same level I have dared to be born again. I may never have to experience what our First Lady did that day but I can sure learn from her journey. When you have nothing to say it is ok to stay silent. It is ok to stand for your morales and what lies in your heart. Your opinion is the only one that matters but hopefully your opinion is one that inspires and instills hope. You also don’t have to pay your respects to those that have walked before us but it sure does feel good to acknowledge their existence like in their own small way they all give me hope.