I think about evolution and how we all have this thirst to uncover who we were or who were are going to be. I consider the way that my grandparents lived there lives at a time where luxury had a totally different meaning then the way we use it now. Imagingin a simpler life by candle light surrounded by family and those that you cherish most. I wonder how it seems most important now to live thousands of miles apart from those that know you best. The farther apart we come the worse it seems to get. Families were never meant to live so far apart. We were never meant to live alone. To the magnitude that we do now. The biggest tragedy to me is the way we hold this high symbolic meaning to anything grotesque and evil. We don’t react the same way to goodness as we do to those that lash out in these horrific ways. We are becoming more and more violent in order to up the shock factor. The World we live in may be further advanced technologically but as a race we have taking leaps and bounds backwards.

I mean one only has to look at the headlines to know that evil is really what is winning and running the World. For example a man who lives in my community who was home alone with his daughter witnessed two prowlers breaking into their vehicles. Imagine! Watching your own personal property being violated. And what next? Come into the house? Not on his watch. He fired a warning shot that ricocheted off of the ground and hit one of the assaultors. The final verdict. The homeowner is being sued for $100,000 by the probably junkie prowler! Can you imagine. Give this man $100,000 and he will probably be dead in a week. It is a common occurenence here as fentanyl claims as many victims as it can.

Now that we are on the topic of fentanyl have you ever heard this myth. Some believe fentanyl was introduced into the drug ring in order to take down the big guys. If you think about it there has been more and more fentanyl busts lately. Let’s say an undercover cop worked up the ranks and filtered the drug into the stream. It was supposed to end up like a road map to circle around those that were dealing it.  They love putting the overdose victims on a grid and released to the media. It is true. Those that become the latest victim usually got it from the same people. What doesn’t make sense is why they would want their clientele to drop. I guess it doesn’t matter if your end goal wasn’t money…right? To be even more grotesque on the matter what if this was the governments way of “culling” the population. Making the common assumption that the homeless, down trodden, prostitutues you name it would be the ones buying. Little did they know that with recreational drugs the reach is massive. Our children indulge, even our parents so to try and have the control of who gets this drug has gone out of their hands. Why do you think they back peddled with these safe injection sites. There is no consciounce like a clear one right?

I wonder why we aren’t satified with love and comedy anymore. There is no such thing as romance and in it’s place this horror phenomenom has appeared. The idea here is that we have no interest in saving our eternal soul. We have decided that no such thing exists anymore. We have lost loved ones, had our hearts broken and have become these fragments of who we once aspired to be. Look at what we are doing to our youths. It is so much more than climate control. Yes it is all a part of it. What worries me the most is the mental stability of these youth growing up isolated, surrounded by evil, knowing that the only way to be accepted and liked is at the expense of another. Is it just my heart that breaks when I think of that poor sweet boy who overdosed in BC. He thought he was amongst friends. They mocked him and laughed at him even recorded him live for social media. Imagine that fear, that desperation, that hope that maybe somebody would take pity on him. Take pity on him…we have to hope that these evil spawn decide that what they are doing is wrong. These children? people still walk amongst us. One of them wearing the deceased boys shoes. If you don’t think that this type of behaviour is disgusting then surely you are just one of the many effected by this increased desensitization. It should bother you that a child is not in his bed safe with his parents. It should bother you that his death came at the expense of other children’s entertainment.

With more headlines being more disturbing then the next I couldn’t help but see the next one. A poor sweet teen from Denmark had taken her own life.  The reasons for it are heartwrenching. She was sexually abused at 11. Somehow, somewhere we as humans failed her as we allowed her innocence to be robbed in this way. She wasn’t entirely broken at that point. Imagine her horror though as she was violently raped in public at 14 by not one man but 2. Her sense of security shattered. Her ability to see any good in any person gone. She felt dirty and ashamed like the only purpose of her existence was for men to engage in these deplorable acts. She never knew the goodness that awaited for her. She never knew the warm embrace of pure love. Just the bonds that tie you to evil when your inner sanctity has been destroyed. In Denmark a teen can decided to end their own life based on emotionally scaring that they can’t move passed. Her parents knew her suffering but asked that she only waited for her brain to mature in order to make such a decision. Agreeing she thought that maybe she could hold on long enough but just to be sure she said her final goodbye to her parents and her loved ones in carefully written letters that she kept by her bed. Not knowing how to live from day to day she did go to the suicide assisted clinic to get some much needed guidance. It was then that she stopped eating and drinking. She has since passed on. What a tragedy. I do not understand where such evil comes from. How can two grown man rape a poor sweet child. They must have felt they one the jackpot as she laid in terror. This is our world that we are living in. Violence is so common that is destroys our youth without even given them a chance to truly live.

I wonder why it is we don’t celebrate the good side of the puzzle. We are so eager to embrace hell and all it entails. With the fire and blood and hate and death we fear nothing when it comes to evil. We laugh at those we are good thinking they must be slow or simple minded. Only the simple minded could believe in a beauitful life free of prejudice and hate. No wonder the World is utter turmoil. There are very few of us that want to embrace in the simplistic beauty of just being. We don’t want to imagine a life after death full of beauty and light because that thought scares us. Why do we repel the good in individuals. We see it every day with the taunting, mocking and hate. You have to be a real strong individual to not conform to these idealogies. There are so many people who walk on the other side of the ethical line. What others don’t know won’t hurt them right? Wrong!! It only hurts you. I can’t sit here and pretend I have walked down this virtuous path my whole life. I haven’t. I have stolen, shoplifted, smoked, drank, teased, bullied, lied. Maybe this is a path that most of us walk down in order to distinguish ourselves and our identity. I am ashamed of some of the things that I did in my teens and my twenties. The thing is I don’t know if I would have changed much of anything if I knew then what I knew now. My wish is that I would have engaged in these things with minimal impact with those around me. I know that that idea is virtually impossible. So in an attempt to make up for all my wrongs I am determined to live a different life. To live a different way. To be as honest and upfront as possible. To always wear my heart on my sleeve. To have no more enemies only acquantances and to solidy my friendships but always letting them know that their existence is important to me. I have been so very lucky to have some wonderful friends in my life. These ladies have only just came into my life but to me I value them just as I would a treasured family heirlom. I remember feeling sadness that I didn’t have any close friends. I know now that I had to become my own friend first. I had to try and remind myself that I to hold value. That the words that have been spoken about me only hold weight to their validity. That just because words are spoken does not make the words true. What I have realized that you don’t have to have this tightly knit circle of friends in your backyard (if you do I am envious of you). What you do need is a committment to honour them and speak their praises until you are lucky enough to find yourself in the same space at the same time. This will happen if you send out positive vibes into the World. I think I do need to be more careful and kind to myself. I have set these incredible expectations in order to offset the evil in the world. I am now coming to realize that maybe I can not offset the evil of the whole world but maybe just in mine. There is so much to be learned in this space of time that I hope we turn to a learning of peace and light instead of this glorification of evil and war.