What lays inside Fear

I am a new mother, wife, person. My whole World continues to change on a day to day basis. We all have to learn to adjust to our new normal, whatever that may be. I sat for 30 days at my sons bedside paralyzed by fear. Fear takes over and moves you to become the person that you never dreamed you could be. It can either push you into the direction of greatness or it can surorund you and drown you with so much negativity and self hatred that there will be no chance for you ever to recover. We don’t choose to live a life full of fear. That is what is handed out to us. It usually comes at the hands or expense of another. What kind of joke is that age old saying “love thy neighbour.” More like abuse, ridicule, demean, use any archiac way of thinking to get your point across to harm another. Instead of enjoying a morning cup of coffee watching cartoons with my son I sit here paralyzed with me. The World that I so tirelessly want to save seems to not even want to be saved. This is our World that we adore so much. What have we done to it. We have hurt and destroyed the essence of every living being so they only feel safe in the shadows never truly realizing their full potential.

I look at the bright lights that we have been blessed with.  All taken too soon. We all know Legends never die but where do they go. We need them now more than ever. Just like in the days of the war in Vietnam we can not recognize those that prey on us. This year alone I have read stories of children watching one overdose on drugs and do nothing. Wait they did something. They took pictures, laughed and stole his shoes. They didn’t call for help. They just left for another party where they left their “friend” to die. And just this morning another teen fell victim to four others while his mom watched in horror. So now I sit here in this World that I have no clue on how to help. If it needs help or if this is our destiny. We have long decided that the advancement of technology is so much more beneficial then the advancement of oneself. Why did we need to live forever? What is it that we are trying to prolong? The horrific ways in which we treat each other in every sense of the Word? The only thing that technology has done for us is molded us into this insensitive entity with no real shot of prolonging the enivitable. Isn’t it funny. The one thing we do require in order to ensure the safety of the next generation is a World filled with fresh water, green trees and loving beings. In our new concrete jungle of super highways this will never be obtained.

My thoughts are numb. I can’t leave this World in the hands of the next generation knowing the mentality that we are leaving behind. Our concern is only to be faster, longer, more advanced than our neighbours in order for us to have World domination. That is the concern of all  of our leaders, World domination. They  can say all that they want that they care about us and our planet but the egotistical minds of the men in charge only care about their puffed out chests. Not about the animals, nature, life and minds they push into extinction while reaching this common goal. You can’t look anybody in the eyes anymore. Try looking in somebody’s eyes and giving them a smile. They would think you are crazy and up to something. We are the farthest thing from loving beings and that makes me scared. If you have a thought worth repeating then the onslaught of abuse takes over.  It seems nobody cares about having a healthy debate anymore. We preach that we are the land of the free but are we really? Yes come into our country that makes us free but after that. Ha!!! No way!! Nobody should have to live in fear or feel repressed for who they are. I am a White Canadian and I am not allowed to live free in my own country. I can not say Merry Christmas at Christmas time because it is offensive. I have to be careful of what I wear or what I say because it is offensive. I am not allowed to appreciate the culture of another by wearing something traditional because it is offensive. I am not trying to be ignorant. I want to learn. Whether the same blood courses through their veins they are still my family. I want to love all beings but can’t because it is offensive.

My fear is that the idea I have inside of my head doesn’t exist. When I start thinking about that paralyzing idea that kids at any age have the propensity to do bad things I just ant the World to stop. I don’t t want to be that mother watching her child get murdered in front of her. And that is here in Canada. I also don’t want to be that mom to learn that my child’s school friends watched him overdose on extasy and did nothing.  What about the general fear of going to another country and having my child stolen away from me to be a part of that horrific sex ring. Somebody somewhere has all the answers yet they sit there and laugh at all of our pain and fear. What kind of human being robs our children of our innoence and have the audocity to walk amongst us like it is no big deal. Look at Jared the Subway. If you ever watched any documentary on this guy you would become sick to your stomach knowing that for years just by us buying a sandwhich we helped in this guys being able to hurt our children. How many other companies do we buy from on a day to day basis where their CEO engages in this activity as well. There are people in positions of power that we look up to that are nothing more than that wolf in sheeps clothing. Every fairytale ever told to us was preparing us for this type of evil. The only difference between now and when I was told the storey is that I was told by a loving family member. Now 99% of all children are in daycare probably with little or no interaction with a loving adult.

Even daycare scares me. How many horror stories have we read about children being abused in daycare. Not only daycare but our retirement homes. There are certain evils that walk amongst us that should never get the chance again. I don’t care who knows it but I feel a killer can never be rehabilitated. Sorry to all of you that believe in the opposite but something drove them to be who they are. There is no fixing that. No going back. You are either evil or you are good yes you can have traces of both but once you finally crossover that line you can’t cross back. How can you? You watched and felt the life of another slip through your hands. You didn’t call for help. You didn’t cry. You laughed at your victory of having finite control over another being. There is no way that you ever come back from that. Why do we live in a nation where we let these people out. You serve 8 years for murder at the most here in Canada. We have a revolving door system here. That terrifies me. The idea that a child can carry a knife and brutally stab another child….please tell me why we care so much in prolonging human life when we should be looking at preserving it. Our minds our literally mush with violence yet we still hold on to….

In my heart I know who I am and where I most comfortable at. I am that woman who would love and nurture and provide for that sick baby snake only to have it grow and eventually eat me. The idea that I may have to see people for who they truly are breaks my heart. I would rather try over and over again and suffer the most intense heart break then not reach my hand out in somebody in need. I have been taknen advantage of before. And I know I most certainly will be used again. But only once. Everybody gets one shot as I feel that is all one needs. If there isn’t a glimmer of compassion from that person then my interest in that being will fade. What I know is that the best chance I have of preventing my son from becoming this beast or falling prey to one is to educate my son the best way I know how. The only chance I have is for him to get to know himself. To have value in himself to desire a better life a better future. If I lead by example then I have done the best that I can with the resources that I have. The best tool we have is to lead the life and participate in the World in the way we desire it to be. I guess inside my fear is motivation and desire. The motivation to change the World and the desire to see it come into fruition.

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