Negative Noise or Beautiful Tranquility (becoming the you you were born to be)

The beautiful tranquility of the simplicity of life gets distorted with all the negative emotions that surround everything we do. From the time our alarm goes off we are constantly being bombarded with problems. Frustration is at the tip of every word we speak as we swear at the Universe for the anguish that fills our heart. We forget that since the time we entered this World we spent many years in silence. In silence I mean we just absorbed out surroundings. Taking it all in like a sponge we start to form the very basis of who we are going to be in this life. Most of who we become has a direct impact on our surroundings and emotions that enter our orbit during that time. How can we learn the vastness of nothingness unless we beging to experience it at a young age. Anything else becomes a struggle to make others happy. We learn that from a very young age. If we do this other people laugh, smile, coo. We all the World as it has become shape us into who we are.

Here’s a thought. We spend on the average creating something for 9 months. We watch what we eat, we get more rest, we take bette care of ourselves then we would normally. We fail to realize that the creation of a child is one of the greatest gifts bestowed apon us. It is given to us not created hardship but to show us much more we can love. Not everybody gets an opportunity for the once in a life time bond. The sad reality so many children that were created from love (or lust it really doesn’t matter babies are beautiful). There are some mothers who actually don’t want their children. That is a tragedy. Instead of giving this new life an opportunity to blossom and grow they pollute him or her from the inside. Such a terrible life for anybody to have lived. You don’t need money or power. Yes in today’s World it does help and you just can’t just go on blind fate that everything is going to work out. Nothing ever does it seems these days. I just see things differently now that I am a mother. I want to create a life for my son that he can be proud of. That in my absense he will have enough of my love to last a life time. That love only comes from the outpouring of all those that we leave behind. You don’t have to be immediate family to feel love. The level so of intesity varies by all those that you surround yourself by. I really do want to be the reason why somebody smiles today. And more to that think of this….I want to be the reason why everybody I come into contact with smiles today. How powerful is that. Truly you have to find yourself truly at peace to be able to undertake that.

Have you noticed that truly all you have to do to feel at one with the world is to find that true divine peace. That peace that comes when you realize with absolute certainty that this it is this is the moment. Every moment from here on out are the only ones that matter. And that is the way it should. Nevermind the people we once were. We were that way or not that way and we don’t need to be reminded of that. Unless in a fond memory of something that will lift your heart instead of sink it like dead weight. What good does feeling like that get you anyways. I will use my husband. He is such a whirlwhind of frenzy emotional insanity. I mean I have learned to appreciate when he is sleeping and when he is at work. Every waking moment in between is utter chaos. Not in a harmful or abusive way but in a way of absent mindedness or forgetfullness. He is incredibly busy and tired these days providing for us. I learned to appreciate the quiet mornings getting his lunch together and playing with our son. The sacrific he makes is quality time with us so why not try and minimize the ripple effect of his day right. It’s not that I want to change him in any way but I do want to help him in his frenzy. There is no good coming out of a hard working man getting even more stressed. I do what I can and appreciate the small things. My husband was right I don’t have it bad. My life is getting more at peace. At peace at who I am. Who I was and the road I hope to find myself on. I am also learning to take things as it goes. I am not one for planning. Outside of pageants! I love planning those!

I think that is why I am found tending to myself these days. I feel like every time I try to come out of my shell (shell being the metaphor I know I am outgoing but there was always something something just holding me back) something snaps me back. WELL let me tell you. The time away from all the white lies and noise has brougth me to this great space of clarity. I have been in the presence of so many amazing people in the last few years it just goes to show you that with the right mindest. The right head space. The right vibes going in attract the right vibes going out in vice versa. How can you gage if you are there. If you are in the space of people you want to be infected by or do you want to get out in run. Here is what I learn. The right people, your people will feel like a long last friend after decades of seperation. They will feel like long lost cousines of your fathers twice removed. Whatever it is there is this cosmic pull between those you need in your life and those that you are better off without. My family. My cats, dogs, husband, son and everything in between. That is my life right now. That is the core of everything that lays in my soul. It is where I find the most strength and courage to deal with the World. What I have been noticing is the continuous blind ignorance to things that really matter. Child suicide. Ya who cares, Kids murdering Kids. Don’t care. Oh there’s a President seperating families. K so here’s the deal if the argument is they are criminals because they entered the country illegally then keep the kids with their parents. Are we that barbaric that we don’t care what we do to other human beings.

So here’s what I notice just talking it all in. Life our life. The only one who know. The only one we got. It is so precious. There is alot of shitty things that happen in the course of our lives that we hold on to for far too long. I get it. Life hurts. It sucks so bad sometimes. There are people we long for with everything piece of our being but guess what. Close your eyes and take those deep breaths. Focus on that person you miss so much. Right between the center of your eyes. Remember their being remember their presence. Whatever it is you wish you could ask them do. Whatever it is that you are holding on to tell them. That moment when you are talking to yourself in the silence and you hear your friend answer you back. You know what I am talking about. Why not lead with that. The only truth we know for sure is what is going on inside of us. We get goosebumps to tell us to go ahead, we get goosebumps to tell us to back off. We have this incredible instinct that guides us in the direction we need to go. The storey unfolds like magic as you melt into it’s buttery existence. In that tranquil space that you go to when all is just at a loss. You can go there anytime you really want. That is why they say to go out to nature. The fresh air, water, the moutains. The combination of every living thing coming to a crash in one glorious moments as the sun hits your face. That is life. It is simple. It is peaceful. Yet we surround ourselves with this negative inner turmoil. You hate your job. Well how are you ever going to add anything but hate into your life. I know you have to make a living somehow but how is that the only solution. Your ex takes your children and moves away. Well what is your priority. I know it seems like a lot but if you don’t make some sort of moves towards the life that you want you will never ever get there.

You have to completely draw yourself in. Not forever but just for a period of time. A time period long enough to give you strength in who you are and faith to know where you are going. At least that is the clarity that I have been blessed with these days. I had no idea the direction I was going in. I just somehow found myself letting go along the way. I used to live my life trying to please others. But the reality is I don’t have to worry so much about who I please. I also though have to take into consideration the person that I will leave behind. Right before we transcend from this Earth and move on to the next chapter we have to have caution for the memory of the person that we leave behind. There are secrets to be learned while awake in the moment. There are also hanting imagery from the past that sparks feelings from long ago.  When we dream who is to say that what we see isn’t some other reality. The faces the places of things that we don’t recongnize. Maybe it is what we don’t remember from past lives. There is something pretty unique about coming into a place of living in the moment. You never truly now the power of living for today until you have had the peaceful reminder of what is to come. At least in some weird reality that is what becoming a mother did for me. I hungered to be somebody better, somebody to make others proud. Then I realized we can just live in the image of whomever it is we aspire to be because it is that aspiration that brings it all to life. So what I may never be the Queen of any kingdom but who is to say that I am not already. I try to bring smiles to as many people as I can for as long as I can and isn’t that truly what life should be. That would make every aspect of my life truly something to proud about. If not for me than those who live around me. I just want to make this life mean something special for as long as I can.

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