The Beauty Within or a Disaster Without

Did you ever have the thought when you look at pictures, “I hate that picture.” “I thought I looked better.” Maybe it is because the reflection in the mirror is your true essence of how you see yourself. Just because the image in the mirror and what you see in film doesn’t reflect your inner beauty there is no need for alarm. Part of the problem is the essence inside can only be reflected in the way that you embrace life. It would be impossible to capture that energy. Your presence. What truly makes you radiate with beauty. I mean I have caught myself saying I used to be so photogenic. That is just me hating on myself for aging. When I was younger I gave no mind to the past or future. Only the present. It’s not because I was enlightened I just didn’t want to be bothered with polluting my mind with too much. True beauty is something that can never be captured.  Yes we tell ourselves that these are beautiful photos but they will always be so one dimensional. No depth. No meaning. Just a pretty girl caught in a timeless photo that can no longer hide from the World.

I know I have seen pictures circulating on my Facebook feed of different friends doing different things. It always amazes the difference that appears in the photos. Who I see in front of me is a reflection of their true beauty on the inside. There is a glow that happens naturally when you find yourself in great company. You can’t see their imperfections because basking in their presence there is none. Just the pureness of radiating from within instead of that obnoxious toxic outer core. You know what I mean. Those people who are mean and cruel just naturally look ugly, look older, just have no glow, no life. When you let the mind control your human interactions it is easy to see in person. Not so much in a photograph. Photographs do capture natural beauty it is in the knowing of the persons personality what lens you are seeing them through.

I wonder why most of our conversations are so negative (hence my previous post). We are not so much our minds as we are these beautiful spirits underneath. Permantly subjected to do these intense feeling of pain and fear. Fear of failing. The pain of losing. We are in this constant competition state with each other instead of embracing one another for the beautiful disasters we have all come to be.  The most common mistake we make is when we fail to identify with the being that lies underneath. We will persecute somebody on their looks. I have been guilty of this. I have laughed at a unibrow. Wondered what the heck was she thinking when she left the house. I let this negative dialogue consume my being till I can’t even recognize myself anymore. How simplier and easier would the world be if we could accept each other for who we are on the outside and focus on their presence within.

The easiest way for me to explain this is by a living an example. Almost a year ago a dog came into our lives. He had a big ol meatloaf head and the saddest eyes. He sat in a small kennel watching the outside world go by. His owner relinquished him because he had a “bite” history. Aparently there was even charges pressed against the owner. This to me seems bizarre. If this was the case wouldn’t he automatically go on death row for doggies? Anyways when asked who we could foster they mentioned this big ol guy. Nobody wanted to take a risk on him. He was missing most of his teeth but yet they predetermined that this guy was a bad guy just by site alone. They gave no time to get to know him. How much can you really know about a strange dog right? I am going to say alot. If you sit alone with an animal where all is calm you can actually feel the energy moving between the two. My husband ended up sleeping outside with him in the garage. During the night my husband noticed he had quills still underneath his skin. His ears had pieces missing and he had a scar that ran from his eye to his top lip straight through. This means in one time in his life his whole face hung from his skeleton. Still he had these sad eyes that he just wanted a chance. You could tell that he spent his whole life outside. If you ever have a chance to see a 150 pound dog tiptoe around the house scared of everything it will break your heart. It will tell you that as living beings we fail time and time again with the most simplistic of species. A dog wants nothing more to be loved for his whole life. They want to share as much love as they can. The dog was removed from our care when a picture surfaced of him standing next to our son.

When you connect with a being on a non verbal level it is more heartbreaking when it comes to an end. You learn how to communicate with sounds and the heart begins to swell because there is nothing but positivity between the two. I remember having to go back to the kennel and I saw him crammed into the corner with his head in his paws. He was defeated. He was sad. He was this beautiful soul that didn’t have much time left and here we were once again failing him. I remember that desperate feeling inside of me. I didn’t want to say hi because my heart was already broken. To me I wanted him to know that I didn’t think these awful things about him. I wanted him to know that I knew how beautiful and kind he was underneath. My husband suspected that maybe he was a fighter dog. We will never know the exat storey nor does it matter. He sat in that kennel till he was put on “sale”. A last desperate attempt to get rid of him. Luck for us one of our friends who lived on an acreage decided he wanted a friend and he remembered him. Now the best case scenario is we still get to see him. He is still part of our life and he knows that it wasn’t us that failed him. Just so you understand what I meant by pictures. At Easter time i took him to a fundraiser and it included a picture. When I got the picture back I saw this old dog staring back at me. It wasn’t him. The dog I saw was this adorable lil puppy. I could see his inner essence pouring into my vision. No lens could every capture the true beauty that lies within him.

Imagine how many others we fail to recognize because of what we see on the outside. The outside truly is not a true reflection with who lays beneath. Maybe its our definition of beauty that needs to be retaught. Maybe it’s jst mine being too vague. There is something so beautiful about just being alive. I guess how can you not see beauty in a whole bunch of fuzzy creatures right? Each have their complicated personalities that don’t always come together but they all have these times of calm tranquility when the beauty from within just radiates and an inner peace is born.

I wonder if we can every go back to a time where we didn’t focus so much on the physical appearance. Who we appear to be on the outside is nowhere near a reflection of our truth. Is there any sort of way to get the two to match? Am I contributing to the problem by my love of dressing up and embracing my feminity? In a carbon form we are finally able to express ourselves outwardly that maybe we were unable to do before we were born. Trapped inside our own beings we are finally coming into our own. On top of that confusing time we have people on the outside making it impossible for us to truly feel free. Does it so much matter what we wear or should it matter more on who we are? When people engage in ugly acts they just look ugly. You will never shake that look out of your head once you see somebody lash out in anger. There is something about seeing them at their worse that just makes you cringe. When somebody is violent or angry, especially when you are the target, you just always see them as a monster. Then out of fear you stay around. We are all so whipped to believe that having somebody in our life is better than nobody. With that one quick belief you have just determined your own worth. You have decided that you are not worth positivity and love. In this moment you have become your own worse enemy. Your negative self talk has eroded who you truly are.  It is hard to imagine an existence alone but sometimes you need to. When you are stuck in a negative mindset all you attract is more negativity. You will keep attracting all that tense feelings until one day it all explodes. Maybe you are into drugs or alcohol to numb the senses. You will never fully destroy that energy till you hit it head on. You and you alone control what you do in each and every second of the day. I am leaning more towards a timeless existence. Yes I have appointments that I have to keep and I am mindful of the clock but I am no longer consummed with time. I have goals I set each and every day for myself but I tie no time to them. It is just something that needs to get down before my head hits the pillow. My desire to engage in mindless interactions is slim. What I found helps recharge my batteries is connecting with the being that lies beaneath all of us. That scared lil being that we have supressed inside of us out of fear of being critisized. What I can promise you is I have the time to get to know you for that true being that you are. Every being is this blessing to the world. Beautiful by their own means. I will never stop seeing that beauty that lies inside of us. I know for the most part we are consummed by our minds and our egos. It’s nothing personal we have just been passing on this disease from generation to generation and so far we are slow to embrace the cure.

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