Lovingly Preserving or Deceptively Infecting

Self preservation and self love. In todays we reality we have convinced ourselves that these are one and the same. You can’t have preservation without loving yourself first right? The reality is that these two qualities rarely exist in the same realm. Preservation makes you act out of fear of anniliation and love makes you let down your guard and let your inner being guide you. You can’t love any other being without loving yourself first it is impossible. Any hate or rage that you have towards yourself will automatically reflect onto those that you are aound. There is this fine line between love and hate and we frequently mix the two. Love doesn’t want to control or dictacte how another acts or behaves. You are confident and at ease with the natural flow of their life as it intersects and runs with yours. A great friend allows your inner peace to sync and be in harmony so you can both radiate this divine energy into the World. Love doesn’t critisize or hate. Fear is what drives you to do that. The idea that we need to control anybody else’s actions than ourselves it what leaves most of us struggling with these inner demons amongst ourselves. It is ok to have a little far of the unknown it is natural. It keeps us present to our surroundings and allows for us to know right from wrong.

Preservation runs closely to entitlement. It is the belief that your current situation is all that matters in this World for true happiness. You seek financial freedom in great proportions. Watch any episode of the Kardashians or any well off media family like that and you will see the unhappiness that has riddled their lives. The only true happiness that they believe that they have achieved is large amounts of wealth that they use to make even larger amounts of wealth. it is rare to hear them care about anybody else except for who the media dictates to them. They have a false sense of reality that is lined by their bank accounts. They engage in on-line feuds with each other and the people they are supposed to love. People will say that this is what they get for all that fame and fortune. Fame and fortune really only gets you so far in this realm. Nobody has ever taken their wealth with them. In fact not many get to enjoy their wealth as they get on in years. Yes the matriach of the family will tell you that fame and fortune is all worth it but at what cost. I am not envious of their fame and fortune and collagen lips and vampire implants. There was of course a period of m life when I was interested in all that. All it did was serve as reminder of the life that I would never have. It fueled the preservation inside of me to think that if only I had more money, fame, and power then life would be easier. The truth though is nothing tangible that can be held is what will put your life at ease. It is all those things that you can’t see that make life worth living.

What used to be so foreign to me is now all that I am consummed with. Maybe it was me dying. Maybe it was watching others die. Maybe it has nothing to do with it all. My mind works in this feverish way that even for me it is hard to gain control of. I just think and think and think as all I want is to make this World an easier place to live. I want to say better but I feel like what we have done is already to far gone. No wonder why the Earth has to purge it self every 65 million years and start again. We haven’t learned much over the years. Science has made us obsessed with the physical unknown. Whatis the value of focusing so far in the future when what we have and the time that matters is right now. We work so hard towards a destination that we are not even certain if it exists are not. We have desensitized a whole nation to act out of fear in hate. In face we have a whole new social media platorm to remin us of how obsolete and minimal we really are. What exactly does it mean f you have over 2,000 friends? What does that mean to you? 2,000 friends isn’t even enough to make a dent in this World if they all followed you. 2,000 you don’t know means nothing. Going viral? What does that mean too? Is that going to be remembered tomorrow? Does anybody actually really care. You were a hot fad for maybe half a day and now…well now you are still just you destined to make the same mistakes as you did before because nothing changed. You are still just you running in the same spot as before. Nobody wins on the information super highway. It was never built for that.

The internet and it’s uses are the biggest lie every told. I used to think that Wikipedia was true. I have since learned that not all facts that you find on there are in fact that. Maybe all the information that has happened before us has been bent to fit into somebody else’s master plan. The control of the World is only had by a small few. The rest of us are these puppets that they control and laugh at. We are destined to fail at the hands of our forefathers and there realy ain’t too much we can do or say about that. Look at the loom of the recession about to hit Alberta. It doesn’t affect those that sit comfortably on top of a big pay check. It affects all of those that took the time out to vote. The cuts that are being made are being made to the families that can’t afford these cuts. Where they should have made cuts was to their own paychecks and government spending. What we are seeing is the start of a very dire situation in this province. The individuals getting hit hard are the single parents. The ones who need our support most. I can’t imagine being a single parent in this day and age. Forget the financial constraints imposed on them. What about the impossible task of entrusting a system that fails you in every rich way with your most valuable possession. Remember your children are your most valuable possession. They are the piece of you that lives outside of your body. It is the hope that these pieces will live long after you are gone. In some circumstances tragedies arises that prevent his from occuring but it doesn’t change the fact that for a small period of time a piece of you did exist outside of yourself.

So now in times of financial limitations we have opened a new doorway for the fear of preservation. When times are tight violence rises. How can a nation avoid such circumstances. Negativity breeds more negativity and like a California wildfire it will show no mercy until it is ready to concede. Think about your interactions. If you are short and put off by somebody then they will be short and put off by you. We are complete outer reflections of each other. Likes attract likes and that is why in a room of a thousand people you will see groups starting to form. We feel safe in our groups and rarely do we wade out. Well nothing I have ever done has worked before so I have decided to wade out. I know the people that I can handle in my immediate vicinity and I have exhausted all means to an end here. In order for me to continue on my path to make the world a teensey bit better for me and my family I have decided to explore. Just like any early settler I go off into the World looking for like being individuals to form a connection. We still need each other in order to thrive. The pieces of me missing throughout time feel complete when you meet somebody like spirited for the first time. To me this is true self love. When you go out into the World and find those that best reflect you. That reflection will propel you further in the directional pull of your life. Those desperate feelings of being depressed and alone slip away just knowing that there is somebody out there with a heart that recognizes yours. I have met people I thought possessed this quality. In time the differences shine through as you can see your goals and ideals don’t line up. This is entirely ok. You don’t have to love everybody but you should try and find laway to like everybody. At least be at peace knowing that they exist at the same time as you and they are worthy of feeling love as well. You don’t need to be jealous, evil or spiteful in order to live a long life. Living a long life doesn’t ensure your happiness either. It is hard to derive exactly what a quality of life looks like. To me it looks like happines and love and a coming together in celebration. It should be self love and the preservation of others. The greatest gift I have in m possession is enough self love to let it spill out into the people I meet. If positivity is an infection then love is a drug and I think I may have the cure. I don’t need to know you to know that your existence is worth it. You just might not now exactly what that means yet. Just remember it is ok to love yourself but not at the expense of others. Forget what others think of you. Care about what you think of you. If you can put your head on that pillow and drift off into a deep tranquil sleep then you must be on the right track.

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