I wonder if becoming powerless is the same as exposing your weaknesses. It would have to be don’t you think. Become powerless to the things we could not change, right? Not to lose freedom or free will but to allow the natural order and flow of things happen. For example, when I have a new idea or thought that I always want to pursue I always ask my husband what he thinks. I know sounds ridiculous but depending on what he says will determine my next course of action. I let my day flow naturallly with minimal emotional attachment as possible. I am still human…and female so like a roller coaster set on auto pilot sometimes I am up and sometimes I am down. Never sidetracked always stuck on the same course. I shouldn’t use the word stuck but the more m life begins to unfold the more my life becomes to make sense.
There are alot of things that will try to detract you away from doing the true deeds of your soul. A constant distraction weaseling its way into your mind to remind you that maybe you aren’t good enough and that what you are trying to do is a complete and utter waste of time. White noise. Toxic thoughts is what poisoned the World and is destroying the Earth in ways we will never understand fully. Maybe as we all going shooting out of orbit as the Earth finally combusts out of sheer terror out of what humans have in store. You can’t tell me that Earth isn’t a living breathing thing. She’s alive and she’s hurting and our exertion of power aand greed will be our demise. News flash..in the last month the last Black Rhino has died of cancer and the Koala bear population decreased by 80% because of wildfires. That is all on us and not these animals that we are driving into oblivion. Our constant need for power has destroyed this beauitful planet and it is incredulous to think that there will be no consequences for that. Examples of such societal collapse are: the Hittite Empire, the Mycenaean civilization, the Western Roman Empire, the Mauryan and Gupta Empires in India, the Mayas, the Angkor in Cambodia, the Han and Tang dynasties in China and the Mali Empire. (14 Ancient Civilizations that collapsed). I wonder what makes us think that we are any different or worthy of prolonging our existence.
The only way to make it through the existence that has now been thrust apon me is by extinguishing any future thougths. To let the natural order of my life unfold. To not sweat the little things or the big things either. That if i have to take any thing away from the past that maybe what everybody has been telling me is true. Maybe I am not as weak as I think I am. Maybe my experiences have made me strong and impervious to the outside pollution that is fastly taking over us. Maybe that is the secret to truly being able to help others. As a young girl it was natural and easy for me to make friends. We would run we would chase we would play. Sleepovers every weekend. And the best one being at Grandmas house with our cousins. TV was only watched from 6am to 11am then we got pushed outside to play. And that was only on Saturdays. There was no electronics back them. Just imagination and fun and friends and living. I guess that is what has been missing all this time is the simple act of living. I had been caught up to some degree with the outside competition of who was truly living happier. I gave all that up though when my son was born. Him happening into our lives in the manner and way that he did shows me that sometimes you just have to exist and nothing more. The day is going to happen wheather you get out of bed or not.
Our biggest obstacle our biggest power in our way from truly living in the image we desire is truly our own poisoned thoughts. Your mind will do anything it takes to keep you in a deepressed comatose state. It is far easier to control a body that is overcome with such grief that it doesn’t even get the basic joy from the simplest things anymore. Trust me if I listened to my thoughts I wouldn’t leave the house either. We all have these moments of self doubt. It is just a natural occurrence that happens in today times. In a World that is constantly judging, mocking, ridiculing each other from what we wear to what we do. You can’t deny this fact because there’s columns in magazines that are dedicated to just who wore it best. It is a who wore it best but it really boils down to who wore it worse. Then you have celebs doing “real people” which is just them in ugly poses because that is what us commoners look like. Ya no. No thank you. How can anybody live or want to live in a World that is so quick to attack say a breast feeding momma in public. Or a victim of rape comes forward and we are like oh well your skirt was above your knee and you have had sex before and nobody has ever heard you say no ever so ya you are guilty. This is the World that we are so proud to live in. We must be proud if we are still just doing absolutely nothing.
So now with the more pain and suffering I am exposed to the more I want to help. Help even just one person from feeling sad and defeated. Like my friends mom. LIke anybody who has ever lost and loved an addict. We still are powerless to our own poison that lieks to tell us if only…There are no if only’s. Only a matter of time. The more time that goes by and the realization and reality that sinks in that the people we have lost over the past year are never coming back in the physical sense that we are familiar with. I am looking to bridge the gap between the suffering addict and the survivors of an addicts unfortunate end. I feel that the best way for theset two parties to heal is through their mutual pain of loss. My path has lead me here. There isn’t a crossroad because there is not even a path to where my journey is going to take me next. Like I have always said it takes hardwork and determination and at least a commitment of 20 years. I am heading into year 4. The dreams are evolving put the desire and passion is still the same. I want to make the World a better place for my son to grow up in. What we have done so far is not working for anybody. I need my son to see that we can live happy meaningful lives surrounded by our loved ones with minimal impact to the Earth and our surroundings. That kindness will far outweigh any fear of failure. That our success is determined by the lives we live amongst each other. For it is only when we truly begin to love ourselves that we gain true personal power. That the more powerless we become to our life storey and our journey the more powerful we truly become.