Realization of Self

I don’t know how one does it in this day and age. To realize your true potential without driving yourself mad is a true talent. From the time we are born our destiny is imposed on us. All parents have thoughts, hopes and dreams of their childs future. Mostly it is just that they have a better life then the one they did but sometimes there is alot more pressure that comes with it. Self realization becomes almost impossible when you are striving to bring into fruition somebody’s elses dreams for you. When you start resisting the outlined course then of course problems begin to arise. You feel like a failure for not loving the idea of your future as your parents do. Being forced into sports or activities that no longer apply to you also disheartens your spirit. Instead of asking for some guidance in the direction your heart desires you succomb to the pushing from the outside world and find yourself down a deeper, darker path then you can imagine. Not to mention when you stray off course it usually results in an argument or misunderstanding so when you really needed love and support you find yourself off in a corner alone.

I used to have this very open heart where I was easily swayed. I would do what I thought necessary to fit in. Not because I necessarily enjoyed what I was doing but because I thought that I wasn’t worthy of anything better. Living out our destiny is hard. There are no manuals and sometimes no help along the way. Even worse when you begin to reach out you end up feeling worse off then you already did in the first place. I was working in a bar and the guy I was seeing came in with a giant hickey. Not from me. And my co-workers knew it. Why he came in looking like that after the night he had I still really have no idea why. Maybe to just kind of shove it in my face. You know the I don’t ever see a future with you so I hooked up with somebody else. It was soul crushing having to serve him while he smiled at me with that montrosity on his neck. After he left one of the girls that I worked came up to me and asked how I didn’t feel angry. I felt so angry and I felt so hurt but what could I have done in that situation. We talked briefly in small chit chat and dating and relationships. All of a sudden she chirped up, “Well if that happened to me I would have killed myself.” Floored I just kinda stared back and told her that no guy was ever worth that…ever. I asked her if she ever thought that was an option and she laughed it off and skipped away.

It’s so crazy to me to think that this is the option. The way out for most of our youth. This was about 15 years ago and to my knowledge I think this pattern of ending ones life is even more mainstream.  When youth as young as 10 feel this is their only option then as a civilization we have already failed. Life is meant to be this thing of beauty. Something that we are all privvy to but usually from sources outside of our control the weight comes crashing down on us like a ton of bricks. People have become disposable. There are so many people that can easily replace you that it seems easier to take control of at least something in your life. The reality and the one that I have been coming into realizing is we can’t replace each other. That once a light is no longer burning we will never get it back. Even if we mimic and study those that we once loved it will never be the same. Inside of each and every one of us is the continuity of life. A never ending cycle until the day is no longer. Like a treasure waiting to be discovered is our life that we should value. I get it. Life is incredibly hard and it is natural for us to have the thought of what if I was just no longer here. Depending ont he nature of the thought it can just be a curious observation trying to explain our existence. It truly doesn’t make any sense. We are born to work hard, pay taxes, live in poverty and die.  This would seem a little crazy but this is how it has been since the dawn of time.

Your existence doesn’t have to be so fast.  You don’t have to become a doctor or a lawyer or a martyr of your time. Your main purpose is to save a life. That life being your own. Once you have the confidence to live out your life in your true image then that is when you can truly begin to look at others and ask the question why. Why are they here? What is their storey? What can I learn from them and use to make my life better. To help other peoples lives better.  We are all in this together. We can learn from each other’s successes just as much as we can learn from their failures. To judge anybody other than yourself is truly a misconceived notion that will only stir up trouble in the long run. In a world filled with so many outside stimulants and gratifications of course it makes sense that something gets pushed to the side. Usually it is that realization of self that we ignore. WE want to fit in and we want to belong. Some of us will even sell our souls to the devil if we thought it would make life easier. But life doesn’t become easier. At least in the way that you had hope. Greed festers in and takes a hold as you entertain other emotions you normally wouldn’t. Jealousy, hate, ignorance. Without truly knowing who you are in the inside you won’t be able to deter all the outside garbage. Like a savage you would hoard any and all emotions directed your way, including the negative. It’s human nature to want more instead of wanting less. We are always competiting with others. When in actuality the only person we can compete with is ourself. To take an inward look and say this is what I need to improve or this is how I can help. Yes it has always been about the journey. But what if our journey could make it easier on somebody else. What if by coming into a realization of self we also were able to identify our own strength and courage. The road can be very bumpy at times and sometimes it is down a road less travelled. If you only keep your eyes focused on the outcome though you would fail to recognize the beauty that is all around you.

The beauty that is around you is the beings that want to share their lives with you. Human are not every being is capable of this unrequited love that makes getting out of bed easier everyday. Take my furbabies. All were abandoned by humans at some point. The way they love unconditionally can mend even the most shattered of hearts. All my babies know when I am sad. Even my two year old will grab my face and give me a kiss and then a hug. And when you are truly sad it is like a line up waiting for their chance to make you feel like everything is going to be ok. We all have these dark periods where we think that there will never be any light. It is scarey but it is natural. Living is tough. But so is death. That has become my own self realization. I have walked through the fire and I have come out on the other side. In that realization I know that I have what it takes to help others in this transition. I am slowly working towards the person I want to be. I have taken the first steps in identifying when somebody is in pain. Not physical pain. The pain that nobody wants to talk about until it’s too late.  Everything I have been working towards is to help those that need it most. I will hug a stranger (with permission of course), I will brush away their tears if need be. My self realization has brought me to a place where I am ready, willing and able to help all those I meet. It is time when we begin to live a life all together instead of divided apart. Your sex, race, nationality means nothing to me. You are human and that is all the realization I need to know.

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