Just Because I am Nice

Just because I am nice it isn’t an open invitation to treat me any differently then you would treat anybody else. It seems like most of my problems over time have simply been because of that fact. You open your heart people take advantage. Liars love you!! Liars gravitate towards you like bees on honey. My whole life I just wanted to be loved. That love that brings you that relief and sense of peace. That no matter what happens now you have that armour around you. Taunting you to get off from the sidelines and live your life. Being nice isn’t all it is cut up to be though. Everybody likes to poke at your buttons just to see how far they can push you and like a tea kettle about to boil over there is only so much heat one can take.How about factor in that not only are you nice but you but you love to be more feminine so much so that you fully embrace your 1950 housewife personna. Dreses are made to be worn, make-up is there to be used. Who could ever use that much perfume in a lifetime? It doesn’t matter from my Desert Rose infused fumes. To me if I had one day left this is how I would love to live it. In a beautiful smoke surrounded by all these animals that I love. Dressing up makes me feel good. What’s the sense of having all these dresses and skirts if they aren’t made to be worn. I think that is why I have such a strong pull towards my Grandmother. Even on the farm she was in her heels and dress. Just a bump of a heel but it was enough. I want to say man how much I miss that woman. But that is not the word. Neither is God so I am at a loss. There is no word on Earth I can think of to describe her. She was one of a kind and within her whole presence here she carried a part of me with her. She helped my heart beat a new rhythm, she breathed me new life and has given me so much clarity. So just because I am nice isn’t anything more than me simply being a caring being. My role will always be mother, wife, friend.When I think about how misconstrued that being nice can bring I am haunted by memories of my past. I was always shy and ackward in certain social situations. I think that is why I drank so much in excess. I don’t have alot of memories. It is almost better that way because the ones I do aren’t very nice at all. Thank fully though I found a way to utilize it all. You have to do something with all that energy. So although I want to forget it all it is hard when so many people out there still think so narrow mindedly. Like if you are being nice to a guy it must mean you want to go to bed with him Heaven forbid it just means you were being nice. Thankfully my husband understands this. Yes I want to connect with as many as you as possible. In a spiritual way though. In a way that I want to make your existence and life easier because I know how much it can suck. As far as the physical well that is left for just my husband. I couldn’t imagine ever breaking that special bond we have created when we said “I Do”. We have created this life together that not many would ever understand. It is chaotic but it is lovely all the same. Me being nice is just being that. I am not looking for anything more. We are all equal and we are all one. I can be nice to you without it meaning anything sexual…can it?I think back to what my teacher in college said that if I dressed in skirts and dresses I warrant unwanted advances. Basically saying you can’t fault a man’s libido if things get out of hand. So now I am left to wonde. If I over drank because I was too shy and if I was naturally coming across nice would that automatically mean that I welcomed such advances. This confuses me a bit. I remember being 19 and I went out to this bar with my mom’s co-workers son who was from out of town. We drank (alot). I remember him buying me drinks. There was alot of fun going on between the two. I was going through a tough break up so it felt good just to not have to worry about that. He convinced me to stay at his house and silly ol me thinking nothing of it said yes. I remember getting woken up by this guy on me. He tried to convince me that I was too drunk too drive. Like hell I said. I would rather die than do anything with you. I am that DUMB!! Imagine what our poor girls are up against right now. There is no way to stop that insanity from taking you over. Let me tell you. I couldn’t imagine being a teen girl in todays World.I hope that I can help anybody take control back of their lives. The World is seriously all sorts of messed up. I want to empower each other to live your own DEFINITION of your life. Whatever that may look like or sound like I am here beside you. Our time here is so so so so short. Manifest your future baby! Release all those inhibitions that were holding you back. I know I just went a little bit haywire on you but I am telling you. Being nice should be the norm and not an invitation to treat each other so awful. When people who don’t even know you want to chant your insecurities well you know what…F that!!! I have had my being nice used against me in the most horrendous of ways. No matter what though. Through it all. I am always going to pick my chin up. That being nie far outweighs having a sh*tty disposition. I can’t to manifest my OWN destiny and form the future in my own image. It didn’t take anybody but myself to get me to where I am going. Even if I got lost I still can find my way. So ya just because I am nice it isn’t an open invitation to be mean. I have and will always stand by my convictions. That being my son is the most important person in m World. Anything and everything I do is to make his World better. I am not here to harm or take away from any of you. In fact I want to empower and sing your praises just as I hope you would do the same for me.

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