“Don’t Confuse Self-Improvement with Self-Remodeling.”

There is nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself. Making yourself better than what you were the day before. In a time before social media consummed our every thought Kathryn recognized the importance of improving oneself…not changing. Every where around us we believe that we are too tall, too short, overweight, underweight, too old, too young. We can go on forever about all the ways we think we aren’t perfect. Obsessing over what is natural. Fearing who we are. Never comfortable in our skin as the Universe never designed us to think that way. Well the Universe did in fact design us to be forgiving. We have just become so blindly ignorant that we would rather be superficial and shallow because we in fact think that will protect us. Protect us from the hate that spills from the outside World. Without even recognizing we allow the poison to saturate our being and kill our soul. Our strive towards perfection actually pushes in the opposite way of our intentions.

To try and reperfect the mold that you were already born into will only bring on much pain and suffering. Just ask anybody who feels stuck in their own skin. There are times when the reflection that you see is not who you truly. That is the most soul wrenching catastrophe that can happen onto anybody. In one sense our physical bodies should need no fine tuning in order for our to live in our best light. In this special circumstances there will be a need for remodelling to some degree. The idea though is who we are on the inside is what matters. What we wear and how we choose to wear it should be entirely up to us. Yes we have these preconceived notions at what we believe to be an ideal life but you have to remember that or outward image has been constantly polluted by others fears and insecurities. What we have to strive for is being comfortable in our own skin. No matter how we design to wrap the outside package we need to focus on improving we are from within.

I remember being told that the best way to improve yourself is to make your weakness into your strength. For example if you were a gymnast and your weakest tumbling move was your front hand spring, practice that move everyday until it is your srength. You will become unstoppable. My weakness has always been my ability to cry at the drop of a hat. I used to get called so many names. Even my family would roll their eyes and make fun of me as being too emotional and my favourite is when I was being told to grow up. I was always apologizing for feeling things. Like feelings are invalid. I learned to cry behind closed doors. That is if I could wait that long. Being called a baby when you feel sad that soembody else’s heart hurts is the worst feeling. Your heart swells for whomever is feeling pain. Be it a movie, a commerical, a book and the worst the sad eyes of a puppy or kitty. Just ask my dog. Everytime he looks at me with those sad eyes I just melt. Life confuses me. It hurts so bad but not to just me. To everybody. I question those that seem genuinely happy because I know the World as a whole isn’t such. Friends true friends are hard to come by. Most people just want to get something from you then they move on. They wait until you are at your weakest to drop the bomb.

We only get this one finite space in this infinite space of time. Do you want to spend it trying to make other people happy or would you rather do what makes your heart sing? You wouldn’t believe the ridicule that sometimes comes when you love to dress up. For the record. I dress up as much as I can. Even on the days when I don’t go out. I will clean the house in my favourite dress after the most perfect brushout because that is what makes me happy. Spending that hour of what to me is self care sometimes is what I need to give me the strength. It is my armour from the outside World. I don’t dress to amuse you. Although that is an added benefit. I dress because I like looking like a piece of art. To me it is a way to honour the past. To say yes I recognize your struggle. Thank you for working towards the World and leaving your contribution. I am romanticized by the Hollywood starlet. Not the egocenntric fame mongers we have now. But the Liv Taylors, the Kathryn Hebpurns, the Marilyns, the Judy Garlands. All those magically women who did great things in the eye of a World that wasn’t ready for them. This is how I identify a women to be. Take for example the beautiful ladies that were painted on the noses of aircrafts during WW2. “However, despite these iconic symbols in WWI, most of the nose art that appeared did not come around until WWII, and which usually contained symbols of “inspiration” towards friendly units rather than of violence towards the enemies. These symbols most often were of gorgeous pin-up girls, known as the “Memphis Belle”, painted on the fuselage to encourage and remind soldiers what it was that they were fighting for.” (https://aeroflite.com/behind-the-inspiration-of-military-nose-art-of-wwll/).

Yes I understand it is a different time now. Maybe I don’t understand actually. Life was still life and it meant something to everybody. No matter what the living conditions were back then these men and women back in the day fought for us. They fought for us without us even being born yet. So I think I owe it to them to live my best life. NO MATTER what that looks like. They gave their life for my freedom. Can I ask you what is your biggest fear? Is it death? Is it dying without ever realizing your true potential? Imagine being 18 years old on the front lines staring down at the trenches where you know the Germans are in wait. Imagine never knowing the love of a good man or woman and all of a sudden you are gone. Reduced to ashes never to return home. With all that said what is stopping you from getting out their and just trying. They tried. Some only made it home because the guy beside them gave up their life. In a World so selfish don’t you at least you want to be remembered for being one of the ones that tried. I shouldn’t be living in a World where I am scared to embrace who I was born to be. The greatest men and women gave up their life for me. That is all I need to know to continuously strive to improve on who I was. Physically I know I will never be good enough for some. Mentally I know that I am good enough for at least one. That one being me and hopefully maybe in time you. Give up on the constant strive for immediate gratification and look towards the self preservation of ones soul. I believe in you. Do you believe in me?

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