Dying to Fit In

I remember starting out in the Pin-Up community all nervous energy and excitment. All I knew is I had a passion for old cars, the vintage style and dressing up as did my grandmother. Not so much the hair and make-up thing but she frequently used rollers and never lived a day in pants…in her whole life she never wore a pair of pants. Not even in winter. Her darling lil knee stockings would all bundle around her ankles and every day was cardigan day. She content in her life and never could have imagine how public life would become. She would always encourage us to live a private life. Don’t air secrets. Live with your head high but your nose pointed down. Keep out of others business and you will never live an unhappy day ever. Only during those times when life felt unfair as a new life ended and another one beginning. She was the epitome of role models. At least to me. She was intelligent and loving and always put her family first. I guess that is the chapter I need to refocus on…Family first.There was a time when our family was enough. That age before social media and cell phones. When chance meetings with strangers happened at grocery stores or at the gas station. All before 9 pm and 5 pm on Sundays. We didn’t always work. There was actual time to enjoy the company of others without having to put your head on the pillow to begin it all over again. We have entrusted our well being with such youth that has no idea what it means to truly struggle in a World that nobody recognizes anymore anyways. What exactly are we fighting for anyways? Freedom? maybe focus on your own country? Wealth? well weren’t you ever taught if it doesn’t belong to you give it back. Power? can anybody achieve true power when we can end the World with a push of a button. Forgive me for sounding ignorant but when did we stop caring about the preservation of life. Everything we do is to destroy another being. Nobody is truly at peace with anything these days because there will always be a reason to look over our shoulders.There are so man innocent victims that only desire to live their lives. They live in fear of others misconceived notions of who they once were. Imagine living your life, alone. Dying to fit in. You can easily get swayed to run with the wrong crowd if only because they seem to accept you for who you are. The only problem though is they might not truly know you for who you are because you twisted your own thoughts and beliefs to coincide with theirs. We just engage in these mind numb activities that make us want to believe that we are destined for something more. Maybe in the World’s lack of compassion I have absorbed it all. My heart wretches every time I see some disconnect between how I wish the World to be and how it actually is. I am shy because I LOVE people. I love listening to others stories and sharing in their successes. There is no better feeling in the World than watching another succee in their life. To me there will never be such a thing as failure. To me the failing comes in when you don’t try.The World is so polluted with toxic thoughts that the idea of trying to change the World now is overwhelming. Just like anything we do though all we can do is control who we are and what it is we are thinking. Try to imagine how hard this journey is for some. Some have to bare witness to their children our parents getting sick. Some will wake up one day and realize they are trapped in the wrong body. What if you looked in the mirror and hated the colour of your skin, your eyes, your hair, your body. Everybody in the World will tell you you are not good enough. And why should it matter? We have given so much power and control to those that wouldn’t give us a warm meal if our bellys were empty for weeks. Those in power only do what benefits them while the rest of the population suffers. Yes we lash out in defence. How can you not. If your govenment fails you and pushes you to the unemployment line and out onto the streets of course crime will be on the rise. Desperate times call for desperate measures. In a desperate race around the clock this might be the time that we can’t make it to the fnish line.When we strive to live in the shadows of somebody else’s life the piece of us that makes us unique begins to do. We fail to see how incredible we can be when we truly let our spirit shine. Their is a war looming in the horizon which wants to cloud my vision. It tells me that I should conform and live a miserable future out of fear of what may come. I already know my government is failing us. In fact has anybody heard from Trudeau? I guess we don’t have much to say. Without much to say we began to pull our troops out of Iraq. I agree I hate the loss of innocent loss when it comes to war but why were we there in the first place? To be peace keepers? Then the first sound of trouble we are like get me out of here? Who are we aligning with do we even know? It just seems we will die trying to fit in with whoever is the bigger power for the day. That in itself should scare you. We have no stance, no backbone, nothing. In fact we are so weak when it comes to being on home soil you better believe we are just sitting here waiting. Waiting to see what the next move will be. This is a game of chess with neither side having the brain capacity to play. Have you ever played chicken with the biggest guy in the room? That is what we all get to sit here and do. We get to listen to two grown man complain about what is wrong with the World. Instead of trying to make changes that would not end in millions of life lost they have decided to bomb the crap out of each other. In times of war nobody wins. We all lose. Nobody. Not one of us will come out unaffected.What can we expect I guess. We are taught from a very young age that there is only one way to be. We fear change. In fact we hate it so much we will stone it to death. You are either black or you are white, there is no grey. There is no more compassion for your fellow man because they have been replaced by androids and I-phones. You can have fake pets, a fake girlfriend and a fake life. You never have to live your life on your own merrits because you can just steal or borrow from the one beside you. We are already dead trying to fit into a life that we have long outgrown. How can we journey into the unknown when we have fear just leaving out our front door. The fear of trying to live our own lives leave us more confused as ever. We will always try to do what makes other happy. Like our own happiness is obsolete and never to be found. When we try so hard to fit in we die a little bit on the inside. Any time we ignore who we truly are we will be met with hesitiation and fear. Survival tell us to fit in our true destiny will encourage us to be reborn. Reborn free into a life without constraints. Free of dying trying to fit in.

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