In the Shadows of My Haters

There are no denying facts. Somewhere out there we all have one person who hates us. You can’t please every one. How easy it would be if we could eh? Life would be porch swings and lemonaides on balmy afternoons as us hens unwind from a say well spent. I am sure if you close your eyes you can hear the bluebirds. Feel the sun warm your skin. There is laughter, there is togetherness, there is everything you need for a perfect afternoon. At least my perfect afternoon.

I am not to sure what happened. How we came to the conclusion that family was no longer something that was important. Women fought for these careers and pretty much sacrificed that whole ideaology of being a stay at home. Well you could be a stay at home mom but you sacrifice your relationship, your career and pretty much in doing so. At least that is what it is here. My husband works so hard to provide for us. Long hours, long commute. Working evenings, weekends trying to get ahead. He is sacrificing alot physically to give us a life.

Yes I am capable of working too. We would have to find a sitter so we just made the mutual decision that it would be best if I stayed home. To me with that decision becomes a huge weight. The whole responsibility of molding this young mind falls right onto me. His hopes, his dreams even the person he becomes all rests on me. To me that means I have to keep reaching for the stars. Redefining my definition of failure. Failing to me only happens when I don’t try. My goal has always tried to lead by example. Be the person I believed myself to be no matter what was being said.

Sounds simple right? It’s crazy to think though how many people seem to get satisfaction out of other peoples suffering. Post something happy on-line and nobody cares. Be sad and defeated though and everybody perks up. We ourselves are actually our own worst haters. All that negative self talk. The things we say to ourselves both out loud and in our heads we would never say to anybody else. I wonder why we do it to ourselves. Shouldn’t we love ourselves first. That is what I am trying to tell myself anyways and to my son. That all you have to do is love yourself to ignore what all the haters are saying. Have enough self love to know their opinion doesn’t matters. If you can lay your head down at the end of the night and feel happiness on your lips and peace in your heart you must be doing something right…right? I play my violin, read, write, live, laugh, love with my family isn’t that success. Add in if I can make a difference in just one person’s life than that is the real win. That is in fact why I travel and explore something new. What if I made a connection that stimulates my spirit, my soul. Like a long lost old friend. A confidante. Nothing sexual as I am married and thats not what I am looking for. I am looking for a true connection that can never be broken.

You never truly forget what it feels like for being hated for being you. There’s a lump in your throat and a whole in your heart every time you dare to dream. I live in the shadows every time I think of those that hate me. Well they must hate me right? I saw on film the way your eyes rolled when you looked at me. I also no the things that have been said. Instead of celebrating in each others victories I have to live in fear of you too. No matter how dark the shadow you cast though it will never dull my light. You weren’t there the night the fire was lite in me. I was reborn. Given a second chance to live a life that was worthy enough to be given a chance.

My second chance gave me my son. There is no greater accomplishment in my eyes than getting to hear him call me mom. There is no such thing as failing just missed opportunities. Those that hate me will always hate but this fire is burning bright. I want to get to know as many of you as possible because so far this journey has been amazing. We all deserve that chance to have our fire burn bright. I write about mine to help shine a light on yours. Have confidence in yourself and what you can achieve. You don’t need to throw shade to shine bright. You and you alone should be all you need!

One Comment Add yours

  1. ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ

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