How Will you Measure Your Life?

I finished reading the book, “How will you measure your life?” by Clayton Christensen. Written entirely (pretty much) from a business point of view some points were just not that interesting to me. The underlying message though really highlights a growing concern I think we should all have. What is the purpose of your life? Do you know? If I were to ask you what it is you think you were meant to achieve in this life would you even have a clue? I say this life because nowhere (as there been indicated to me) do we know anything different. We are just this one very small very minute fraction of space not to mention time. I too used to think that my purpose was just to work in a job I really hated doing things I hated. Life sucked. I stopped believing in myself. I can’t tell you when it happened but I had zero self esteem none. People used to tell me that I could get any guy I wanted. I would laugh. I never saw anything special in me. I was a small town farm girl who loved her daddy and her animals and of course even her mamma. I grew up with my cousins and grandparents and Aunts and Uncles. On both sides too. Summers were spent on the lake and chasing boys. The perfect cocktail in my eyes. We had so much fun in those days. Until all of a sudden we were haunted by too many ghosts of the past. Life got way to hard. There was divorce, sickness, even a scandal or two.The only person I ever wanted to become was a mother. I wanted the family that I had growing up. The closeness laughs, the memories. With that though of course came the husband. I have a very hard working one that provides for us but as pointed out in this book sometimes there’s a miscommunication. You know when you think that what will make the other happy is helping out around the house. Let me paint you a scenario. I clean all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. I take breaks as required to stimulate my brain. I play violin, read, blog, You know the drill. Heaven forbid the man has a day off and wants to help around the house. I thought my cleaning was up to par but then I find out where I am lacking. The book suggests that when one is taken care of the house and has basically been talking to a wall all day that maybe they need some stimulating conversation. I don’t know if you have ever talked to me before but I go squirrelly with nobody to talk to. So I read the lil exert to the husband so he can see that it is not just me suggesting the same. One of my pet peeves is when people can’t put their phone down. One second. This is important. This will only take a second. How is it over the space of what 20 years we have become so busy that we can’t stop looking at our phones. I PROMISE you this….The next man I am with will not for one second think of picking up his phone when I am in the room.Right what was supposed to turn the light on in his brain was the fact that it isn’t the chores that are important but the quality time. When I asked him if he heard he said, “Good thing we only have 1 kid.” I am just going to let that comment sit there for a bit so you can see the problem with that. We have an infinite amount of breathing lil beings that depend on me ALL DAY!! I mean there’s cuddles and feedings, and playing and walking. I am kinda busy. I remember when I started my journey my credo was “Be the person you were born to be before the world took away your smile.” There it was right there on page 198 a whole passage titled, “The person I want to become.” I live and breathed that mantra so hard. I just always wanted to be a warm safe place for others. All others. It never really minded to me your background or your journey I just needed to know that you had a desire to share and to not feel alone. There are always circumstances where this won’t ring true. For example to those that left a knife in my back we are all good. There is no hate just no desire to have closeness. My energy doesn’t go that low anymore.My purpose now is no longer to be used or abused for anybody else’s ulterior motives. In fact I have developed a pretty thick skin. Yes I still cry but that is just a part of it. You can’t expect to heal somebody’s else pain without at least absorbing some of it. In those desperate moments though I only have to hold my lil boy. I remember burning candles when I first moved to Calgary. They were soul candles. i was so lonely I was hoping that if I asked the Universe he would send me a true love. I love the bond that grows everyday that I get to be his mom. I know that every second I spend with him is on borrowed time. Both of our lifelines are burning and there is no possible way of knowing which one is burning faster. In those insane desperate moments when I think I can’t go on he grabs my cheeks in his lil hands and plants a big one on my face. The Universe does give you exactly what you need when you ask for it. Sometimes we choose to ignore the simplest of signs. My son is my gift from the Universe to sustain me. That I can survive any and all hardships that come my way as long as he is a part of the journey.“The only way to avoid the consequences of uncomfortable moral concessions in your life is to never start making them in the first place. When the first step down that path presents itself, turn around and walk the other way.” Pg 192. What an incredibly bold yet accurate statement to make. We all have these lil indiscretions that we indulge in. Sooner or late though that moral line that we vow never to cross well we tiptoe back and forth. Once you start in indulging in bad habits they would almost b impossible to stop. Positivity breeds positivity. That I can attest to. There will always be those days that can cripple us in an instant. But like any instant that pain will begin to fade. We only get out what we put into it so I vow to make it count. So in answer to “How will I measure my life?” Well it’s very simple I want to take away as much heart ache from the rest of the World as I can. I can absorb so much pain without it affecting me that I just feel my purpose is to let it all shine. I know that love is the greatest feeling we can hope for. I also know that some souls are destined to walk their time without their other half. I don’t want you to have to bare the weight of the World. I have broad shoulders let me help you. I know truly what it feels like to think all is lost. I also know what it feels like when a piece of you is found. Our journeys our stories are forever intertwined as they coincide parallel with each other in this space of time. Knowing all this now do you have any idea how you will measure yours?

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