Learning to Live Uniquely

“Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Anytime I have ever strayed from my true authentic self nothing good ever came out of it. It’s hard though. It is a very hard journey to find the strength to want to shed your outside exterior and embrace the being within. The decision of who we are, what we do, what we look like or even who or how we love should only be ours to make. Even the orange tree will eventually find a way to produce lemons in order to ensure the survival of their species. That’s Darwinism at it’s finest. We evolve to revolve at least for another day in this crazy journey in life?

It truly a shame that we find new creative ways to hurt those around us. Bully’s for example. We used to get our threats passed to us in notes. The best thing about being bullied in the 90’s. It didn’t creep into your dreams and haunt your nightmares like it does now. Once you left school the taunting usually stopped. You were safe at home surrounded by four walls that would protect you until you had to face another day. In today’s World the tormenting never stops. There’s onslaughts of insults, threats, ultimatums. You name it our youth are growing up in a terrible time. Their role models that they look up to our both hard at work. Maybe together, maybe separated but the time for family interaction is few and far between so what is a youth to do.

I remember playing sports and it being fun. There was only ONE league usually then the All-Stars surfaced after that. There is so many leagues and so much going on I have no idea why kids sports are so complicated. And rarely much fun. We are so eager to make our kids into the next star we fail to see if they are actually enjoying it or not. I get it we all want o be successful but what does that even mean. To me it means something entirely different than most. Success to me is when I get up in the morning with a smile on my face and feeling good. Success means that I am going to project my best self image, the image that helps go to bed at night and the one most appealing to me. I want to be a good mom and a good wife and good friend. Oh ya and a philanthropist. I love making new friends and I love travelling to new and different places. My success is also determined by my ability to feel at peace with the person I am and was born to be. It’s not about my waist size or my figure. I am happy eating healthy wholesome foods (with some chocolates or two) and minimizing my impact on this great Earth. I just really want to spread love in my own unique way. That’s all.

So yes an orange tree wants to only produces oranges. That is who they are and they have a strong self of self. It is not so much dying because they don’t want to produce lemons. They are just so strong on their convictions that they are an orange tree they have no desire to stray from that. We as humans can live our whole lives for somebody else. We are content living in the shadows till their is only discontent. Then there is no stopping the tidal wave of emotion that is coming quick to your crop. People can be happy with you their whole life then all of a sudden for no reason they stop. Now what? What do you do? It would be like investing 35 years with somebody convinced that you would grow and die old together and now one day they are gone. Either through death or just having enough there will be a day when you are all alone. Then what? When somebody you love dies the one who gave you purpose it is extremely difficult to see your life as having any more value left to give. My Grandma. Passed one week after her diagnosis. Hardest loss of my whole life. When I think about the day I found out my heart grows cold. I know that there will be a time that is far worse than that. If I am not lucky enough to go first then that means something has happened to my husband or son. That pain or heartbreak I am not sure if I could ever endure. When I think about the possibility of it being me making my way up (or down) I think I couldn’t do that to them. What a sick twisted concept of life eh? In the end somebody is always left shattered. Two complete opposite ends of the spectrum. We have birth the creation of love being so joyous and great. Then we have death when life ceases exist super dark, bleak and lonely. Then there is all the stuff in the middle.

Knowing all that we still want to steal somebody else’s dreams. We still raced against the clock. Somehow we keep convincing ourselves that what we have in this life is all that matters and not what we do. We don’t want to stick out when it is far easier to blend in. Isn’t it easier to do what everybody else is doing. The World must be a big giant hamster wheel and we keep going round and round never making progress always kind of landing in one spot. Maybe that is why I love to be colorful and stand out. At times I think all I want to do is blend in and let the sand in the hourglass pass. There is far too much at stake though to succumb to life and just give in. Hey nobody knows the pain, the anguish, the heartbreak that it took in making you. Everybody has lived through something that we have no idea of. Instead of knowing every incestuous detail about each other why not love just for the sake of loving. You know because it feels a lot better than hating and wishing each other harm.  Living for something would mean so much more than dying for nothing. So many of us expire before coming into our full being. Let’s try and help each other find the way instead of purposely trying to guide them off course. Celebrate each other’s victories for the simple reason it feels good to rejoice with each other. I chose a life where I get to do just that. Celebrate each other for what makes us unique and stand out. Live for a purpose and love like there’s no tomorrow. We got to find a way to make living less scary and make the World a safe joyous place for everybody.

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