I have to talk about it. Although at the time I didn’t think I was going to. After some sleep though it just burns a hole in my brain. Last night I watched the Aaron Hernandez storey on Netflix. I wasn’t entirely sure of all the details. I just knew that at 27 he committed suicide when they were investigating him for murder. Correction he was already tried and found guilty but he had written an appeal. In his mind he was far more valuable dead then alive…or so he thought. He ended his life in the hopes that in doing so the Patriots would honour his contract therefore giving his 40 million to his wife and daughter. Things never work out as you hope. He was hoping that his conviction would be overturned by “”abatement ab initio.” Going out in a blaze of glory he thought he would be remembered as a hero in his families eyes. Instead his conviction remained and he was always be remembered for his crimes and not for his natural born talent.
They wanted to blame CTE for his random acts of violence like he wasn’t engaging in them long before the fateful night that caused him to murder his own friend. It is all here say and I am hopping on the wagon but it just seems that a guilty man would take the easy way out. Let’s talk about Rubin Carter fighting for 20 years claiming his innocence. I think that is what an innocent man does. Especially one who has a family to go home too. His life seemed like a recipe for disaster from the get go. And the reality of it all is it’s not too far fetched from the reality of every other teen out there. Unrealistic pressures and expectations. Abusive or absent parents. Struggling to identify with his sexuality and his identity. It seems it was a lot easier to say his rage was from being hit in the head too many times and struggling to come out of the closet. These are some very bold statements that should no way be associated with these murders. Him being gay wasn’t why he killed. Him being hit in the head too many times wasn’t why he was killed. He was a creature of habit who didn’t have an outlet. Look at the people he trusted. Only one person in his life kept all of his secrets his cousin. That would be an incredible weight to bare for anyone.
I am not trying to excuse his behaviour. Innocent people have paid the ultimate price for his deprave nature and what he thought he could never be touched for. Every time he smiled during his trial I didn’t know whether to smile back or get filled with rage. He is exactly the way evil should look when reincarnated. Good looking, charming, confident. But there was that streak inside of him that needed to feel bigger than life and only could be managed with an outburst. We can’t be responsible for every human being out there. We can however take a more conscience effort to those we inhabitant the Earth with. Think of this. He was never alone when he accomplished these crimes. He always had at least one other person around to make him feel like a big shot. Who created that imagery. We did. I hate to say it but in his downtown what did he do. Sit in his man cave, played video games and smoked weed. Is that what every killer does? Play video games and desensitize themselves from the real World? Are we having troubles interacting in real life replacing it for who we are on-line.
Again let’s touch on the fact that. They loved to say that Hernandez was gay. Not bi. Gay. To that I say…uhmmm if this is the reason why he murdered at least one person in cold bold then we need to turn that finger back onto us. If our World is still so toxic that the only way we feel justified is by taking somebody’s sexual orientation and preference and saying that is the reason why he killed then we made it so. We create a World where we need to feel ashamed for who we are. We bottle up all these feelings and emotions out of fear. That amount of negative energy in anybody would bubble over. The World will never be safe until we diffuse this age old thinking of Adam and Eve. Look at what happened when she outed him on the radio. Two days later…. She and others like here are the reason why we have shadows to walk in in the first place. Forget for one second that he was on trial for murder (I know it is hard) but after the dust settles the true crime now comes from the mouth of McPhee. We shouldn’t allow somebody the power to pollute the airwaves with that kind of conversation. Some topics just come off in poor taste when joked about and to me this is one of them.
Let’s talk about the Patriots 40 million. He definitely didn’t deserve the money in the end. He didn’t complete his contractual obligations plus he died at his own hands. My argument is this. If they did in fact took a young man and throw him to the wolves there should be some compensation in that. Not because of who is was but because of who they made him be. They threw him on the field to get hit and to get hit hard. He was young, he had issues they knew all of this. He was never really given a far chance. But neither have so many of us. Look at what success does. He wanted to be the best and he became the best. It’s like he sold his soul for the devil and in the end he paid the ultimate price. Who knows who pulled the trigger. What I do believe though is we all had a hand in creating the man who did. We make life so impossible to live in your own true image. True friends are few and far between. The reality is a majority of us will spend our whole lives waiting to find the one who can bare the weight of our souls. Hopefully though more of us will feel safety in being who we were born to be instead of becoming the monster society creates.