Our Toxic Thoughts

We are always going to be somebody’s else’s nightmare. Or maybe it is we are just going to be our own. Our constant struggle for power just to make ends meet is a horrific cyclone of despair that we just can’t seem to get away from. Our whole beings are spent working. If we aren’t working then we are miserable wondering why it is that we got dealt this hand of cards.  Some of us our content in our misery just letting each day slip on by. Doing the same things as the day before. Never reaching, never dreaming just existing. To scared to live before all of a sudden we no longer have the ability to do so. Time and life this crazy concept that we will never understand. It kind of feels like that drop of doom ride. You keep edging closer and closer to the top then all of a sudden the ride is over and you are wondering just exactly what happened.

That negative self talk that runs through our heads like an energizer bunny constantly wants to derail us from our end goals. Why? Why would we want to sabotage our own existence? I don’t know if it is the fear of trying or the fear of being publicly humiliated that tends to leave us sitting at home. So many people want to reflect their negative energies back onto us.  Like we aren’t all trying to struggle with our own identities we need to be poisoned with your thoughts as well. We are our own worst enemies. Worse yet though we are the enemies of those that inhabit this great Earth with. Don’t you think living is hard enough.  That streak though is bred into all living beings. You can see it in the way animals interact with each other. They taunt. They tease. They play. They don’t always get along but you can see that maybe they have found a way to co-exist. It’s not a perfect example as my own tabby will always terrorize my calico but you can see that he gets great satisfaction out of tormenting her. Maybe he is doing it out of sheer boredom. Maybe it is the reaction that he gets that he likes. For whatever the reason we are all guilty of harbouring ill will to the company we keep.

Our thoughts will want us to keep our guards up. How many times have you told somebody something in confidence only to have them steal and distort the truth. I say steal because so many people lack originality. In their quest for fame they have lit the match and burned their bridges on their way. The worst feeling in the World is watching what others are capable of doing and watching the lives and families they try to destroy in the process. The reality is the majority of us will never be rich. The majority of us will never be famous. What we can control is how we treat each other. If we can learn to co-exist with each other just imagine how much better living would be.

I have a busy mind. A very busy mind. It likes to twist and contort facts so that it plays in perfectly with my storey. That is only in my brain though. I would never engage in unwarranted confrontation unless it was absolutely necessary. My bloodline doesn’t allow for minor slips to happen. To stand up to a group of bullies (there is no better word than that) is the most terrifying feeling in the World. I mean when there is a group with torches and pitch forks it would be far easier to conform to their way of thinking then to do what is right. I am not perfect but I am getting better. I used to think that sitting silent would eliminate my guilt towards having to be a witness to friends turning on friends. I know now it is better to stand up and speak out then to turn a blind eye. Those people who are toxic and celebrating on somebody else’s weaknesses or failures, well there is no need for them in my life. If they do that in your presence you can only imagine what they say behind your back.

I wonder why our physical appearance bares so much weight. How did that all start? There was a time when men wore the make-up and women were heavyset. The wider the hips the more appealing a woman. Now our women have no features our resemblance to wear we came from. The only noise we hear is people singing their own praises and celebrating their friends and families failures. I have my own toxic thoughts that I need to attend to no sense in adding yours. Like we don’t know if we have wrinkles, acne, grey hairs or a few extra pounds (or 10). Some people act like we haven’t looked in the mirror in 20 years. Once we begin to accept the reflection back at us then maybe it will become easier to accept each other for all that we are. You don’t need to include the toxic and you can keep your immediate circle small but you have to find a way to make it so that your armour remains intact until you are back in the safety of your own domain.

What happens to our toxic thoughts is after time we begin to believe them like gospel. Our negative energy attracts more negativity and all of a sudden you are like a scene out of “Mean Girls” ripping each other apart. Remember when the insults weren’t mean enough and they took it as a sign of vanity? So we have too options accept the fact that we are destined to be nothing or be confident that our life has a reason and be called vain. That seems like a lose lose situation to me. It’s time that we take some sort of control on this ride we called life. We are all heading in the same direction. I think that is why I like to read history books so much. I am trying to understand what life was like for them and if it mirrors our existence in any way. It seems though that even the passage of time has no impact on our own poisonous thoughts. Jealousy and greed will always run rampant. If given the choice most of us will sell our souls to the devil with no further thought of eternal damnation. This World like our thoughts are on a constant spin downwards. All you have to do is take a deep breath in and feel the weight of it resonate throughout your soul. We are no further to figuring it all out then when we first began. And I don’t mean us personally. I mean humans. Be kind to yourself first. With enough practice you will see how easy it will be become to be a ray of sunshine in your life and the life of others then the torrential downpour. I am far from perfect but I have learn to forgive myself. I try to remind myself to be kind as many times as a find a new grey hair (trust me that is a lot). Let’s replace our own toxic thoughts with a harmony that will be remembered throughout time. It doesn’t have to reach the masses of epic proportions. It only needs to reach and touch you.

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