I grew up in a time where social media didn’t exist. Where if you wanted to tell somebody how you felt about them you were either passing it in a note or telling them to their face. You can try the ol rumour mill but by the time it gets to where it is going it has left the original intent. My getting “fan mail” at 40 reminds me just how tough it is for these young girls and how important it is to expose these vile creatures for who they are. Those that can’t see the value of the person because of who they are on the outside is ludicrous. If this is the World we are creating then what choice do we have to accept the fact that suicide is always going to be on the rise. We are going to see it affect more and more youth. They aren’t in control of their emotions or hormones so when misguided comment about your looks can send them in a tailspin.
I posted a picture of me wearing vintage lingerie yesterday. I was hot off a Valentine’s shoot and was feeling pretty. I know I have a belly. Me and my son almost died that day we gave birth. My blood pressure was 220/160. My son was already dying and I would have bled out because they didn’t have my blood type. I had 22 stitches from where they ripped me open. The seizures I endured have affected my thoughts and brain. I am on medication for severe anxiety. My whole life changed. It had nothing to do with diet, exercise or health. I spent 15 years inside of a gym. Hours upon hours of cardio. Restricted calories, no carbs, no social life. The gym wasn’t about health it was about vanity. We somehow defined our character by the amount we could bench press and nothing more.
When you almost die your life begins to mean more. It is more than the fasted cardio or circuits I used to endure but those quality moments that reminds us what living is for. Yes I could probably stand to lose 20 pounds. I want to but not at the sacrifice of my family. We run, we play, we go for walks. I have eliminated sugar from my diet as well as meat and now working on diary. It isn’t because I want to look a certain way. It is because I want to feel a certain way. Even at 116 pounds I felt nervous and secure. I am trying to create a World where it doesn’t feel like this. We are all worthy of the same minutes here on Earth. Shouldn’t we surround ourselves with positivity and love. If you don’t like something move on but don’t go out of your way to bring somebody down to where you are. You know when somebody maybe filled with nervous apprehension so why bother.
What the World should realize and hopefully adopt is the ability to feel compassion for another being. We are all perfect in the image we were born with. Those that fail to see your beauty will lead these miserable lives filled with anger and content. It is far easier to cast stones then to try and provide shelters for those in need. I always try to build those around me up because I know this is a significant piece missing in our true happiness. We can’t believe all that is being said about us. The accusation that I am not healthy because of my belly is insane. Because of the lesions in my brain I go regularly. It used to be monthly but now I am able to go for my check up every 6 months. She looks at my blood pressure, height, weight and even my heart beat. She looks at it all. I am sure that if she was concerned with my athletic abilities she would be recommending gym time as well. Isn’t that an educated opinion? Instead of one who just works in construction all the time who goes home to himself and his lil cup of soup. Oh yes!! Tell me again why you think your opinion about your life actually matters because there is some quality you possess that I want. To you I am nothing but an overweight, middle age woman that clearly has no value. To my family though I am the center of their World and to me that is worth more than any feeling you can ever give me.
And now as I sit and wonder what spurred such a hate filled message I think to all those that have opened something similar before they got out of bed. We already know our physical imperfections because we analyze and criticize ourselves on the daily. We don’t need an ignorant man imposing his archaic beliefs into the most gorgeous creatures every created. My fear goes to those that are sitting on the fence wondering if they should just jump and end this misery. Life only becomes miserable when we live in he World they created for us. We don’t have to inhabit that World. We can let the life their days alone in a field of humility and hate. Wasting their days away feeding off the insecurities off others. It is far easier to try and destroy somebody else’s own dreams then to realize that the true loser is the one in front of us. That is in fact who you become. When you begin to engage in conversation and thoughts where you are destroying another being your life has zero meaning. If that is your purpose you have learned nothing about this experience that we have been granted. Your time here on Earth isn’t to destroy. If that is all that you are then your life will be reduced to a solitary confinement where you will only be able to converse with those voices in your head.
So now in a World where we have allowed the definition of beauty to be something of conformity and hate I will take a stand. Out of the shadows like a Phoenix I will rise to stand up for the underdog. I will shelter those that have felt the hand of their tormentors and their abusers. My purpose is to help you find the beauty that lies underneath. The beauty that you have been granted that will be a part of you your whole life. It still exists even if you are 100 pounds or 400. It remembers you well into your golden ages. Yes I too was guilty of wanting a body I thought would attract others. But now knowing the body that I have now I wouldn’t change a thing. I am overweight, I am old to some I may have nothing left to offer the World. But to me I still have everything. I have the ability to embrace those that are hurting and to wipe away their tears. I can brew a pot of coffee or even pour a drink. I am tired of being dictated that we have to look a certain way. I guess I was born to stand out and maybe get a rise out of some. Me and hurt are on a first name basis and pain second. Please, please, for anybody that is getting messages like this know that I know that you are worth something more. Nobody ever should have the power to blow out our candle. Let’s rise together knowing that we are safe amongst friends. Lets diffuse the ignorance of the World and replace it with love. Again sorry my weight offends you may I suggest just looking the other way. I may be nice but I still am feisty and I am feeling a month long of sexy lingerie posts…you know to celebrate Valentine’s Day….you never know.