Making My Way Back Home

We all want to feel something. Feel something that is going to hold us in time like nothing else has ever mattered or existed before that miniscule moment in time. We try to forget most everything that brought us joy. Sooner or later it will fill us with such immense pain that it will leave us crippled for time to come. We will never be the same as we were when we so desperately wanted to feel in the first place. Do you know what I am saying? We try so hard to recreate these moments or even feelings that when it is all said and done they too disappear like none of it even mattered to begin with.

The idea behind that what brings us so much happiness can one day bring us to our knees. Think of family. Think of friends. Think of anybody you have ever believed yourself to love. Where are those feelings now. Are they still alive and thriving into a parallel existence that will transform your beliefs into new realms of being. Or do they remind you of something that once was. Something that can never possibly be. Just like the possibility of two interwoven souls. Does that exist? Can that happen? With loyalty a thing of the past and greed a self gratification at the center how can we ever believe that once was something held so dear is a reminder of what should have been but never was?

Is there an existence beyond what we have come to believe or is this just the stepping stone of what is to become. If this time that we are descendant upon all that there is or can we prepare ourselves for things to come? What if all of this was just smoke and mirrors. Preparing us for a minimal existence free of all those constraints that like to bind us to here on Earth. What if we can’t become all that we are destined to be because we have allowed the pollution of the outside mind tell us that our dreams can never be. What is myth and what is reality. Who really has the answers? It seems that a lot of people have an opinion of what makes life worth living but to me it seems dangerously skewed. Skewed in their favour where the rest of us just become mere reflections of who we once were. You can feel the bloodline course through your veins as you engage in activities or places that to you once were.

Reflections in time are like song of the future. You are never to sure of their existence. You want to believe in all that there is. All that is possible and all that can be. That is the beauty and mystery of life isn’t it? To go to your natural limitations then try to push through. Don’t you want to exceed on the person you were from yesterday or do you just want to do what some have before you and just let the natural course of life slide through your fingers. There is no time like the present. You will never be younger more youthful then you are in this moment. I want to say I remember what it felt like being in my twenties thinking I wasted time. But I don’t recall that at all. I do remember though being 30 wishing I was 25 and nearing 40 and thinking that now all the promise of who I was going to be as a person was now over.

It doesn’t help though when you surrounded yourself with those people who refuse to see and at least acknowledge that somewhere deep inside of you is potential. There is something you can unleash inside of you to make your life feel a little bit better. To make life seem not so painful and like it was only designed to serve as a kick to the teeth and nothing more. I remember some moments from when I was younger. The highlight reel. You know good memories. Smiles. Maybe even bad memories. You remember those you love and those you hated. IT is unrealistic to think that you could possibly love all that you meet. Sympathetic yes but love…maybe. There will always be those few select few that are unworthy of love. They have shunned it so much and spit in it’s face that even the cupid’s bow couldn’t penetrate the fortress that they have built. It is not our life’s purpose to save them all. Even the holiest know that this is an impossible task. We don’t have to save their souls. We only have to save ours.

Living your own life filled with integrity, honesty, hope. What more could you want from life? You can’t expect those around you to conform to your own existence. You don’t even have to conform to theirs. What you need to do is find a way to live and release your limitless potential. We all have the capabilities. It is born inside each one of us as we grow and learn and become or own little humans. We learn from those we surround ourselves by. We become those that we most admire and adore. If you knew that somebody else was looking up to you and using you as their beacon of hope would that change the way you behaved? If you knew that how you behave and conduct yourself now will form the next generation that is to be? We become who we emulate, who we hold most dear. The greatest way to honour the lives of those that I have lost is to live my life in the way that they believe and know that I am capable of. I don’t ever want to forget those that played a hand in me becoming me. I have long been teased for the amount I cry. I don’t cry in excess in my own mind. There is something comforting though of feeling that single tear roll down your cheek and hit the ground. When it wells up behind your eye as the memory of somebody swells through your mind, then slowly begins to roll as your clench your eyes so tight to keep them alive for one more second. Remembering their life and the impact their existence had on your being as the sweet heat of the tear begins it’s journey to the ground. I can’t forget those that I love and I refuse to believe that I am weaker because of them. I like to think that I am stronger because of their current presence in my life and they serve as a reminder to always make my way back home.

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