The value of a moment. What could that possibly even mean. Can a moment resonate so deep inside us that we could carry it with us for all time. Is that a possibility? Could that be in the realm of possibility that we can feel something so strong that it does permeate our core guiding us through this lifetime. Some consider it instinct that guides us through these monumental moments that will forever alter us for all time. We were never meant to stay in the same image. We are also evolving, changing, Evolving in such a way to prolong the inevitable but also in essence remaining the same. When we engage in catastrophic activities that can alter the course of our life path, it is in these pivotal moments that our true colours will begin to fly.
Under pressure. Which one of us is a saint in moments of great despair. I mean those moments when you feel like your heart just got ripped out of your chest and fed to the sharks. That feeling of insecurity and self doubt that threatens to capsize and pull you deep into the abys where nobody else can reach you. Everything else around you is white noise. All you can hear and feel is your transgressions of failures as you failed to live up to your truest potential. You engaged in witless banter to hurt another. You ridiculed your nephew out of good fun. You are constantly taunting the boundaries that make you a legend or forever a martyr. Our image. Our true image only means the most to each one of us. We can’t control the habits and wishes of anybody else so tying our happiness to theirs will only lead us to infinite heartbreak. It is our heartbreak that we need to shelter ourselves from.
The idea that we find our true love in another being is something kind of alarming to me. There are so many of us walking this great Earth that it would seem that there should be more than one that can make our heart sings. Of course there will always be others that make our heart feel full. What the great search is for is the one that makes your heart feel complete. There are so many types of love but the one that I consider the holy grail is that once in a lifetime love. That if you are lucky enough to even feel it once in your life then all that pain and suffering was worth it. Hard to believe that is even a possibility. If I didn’t know what it felt like I wold tell you that I couldn’t see how that would be even true. There is
this strange pull between you and the one who completes you. It is almost like any transgressions you make in this life they already understand why it was the only possibility for you. They love you even when you are at your worst and try to remind you of better days. Your life does feel better just knowing of them. You imagine what a life would feel like together but even you know that life was never meant to contain so much bliss. Life is about the journey. It is about growth. At times we need to find those that challenge us to make ourselves the best possible version of ourselves that we can imagine.
When you do experience true love it makes it easier to take a hard look at yourself. Wanting to ensure that you are becoming all that you can you look for ways that will both benefit your lives in the best way possible. You take risks that you normally wouldn’t because you know you have somebody there to catch you. Your dreams become even bigger because you are dreaming for two. All your hopes and desires are of the happiness that life and love can bring if only they can be brought together in the same space and time. When I think of the nights spent alone, crying, hoping and wishing for my knight and shining armour to come and save me I think about all the time I had wasted. I wish then that I knew I could save myself. That when the smoke and mirrors lift all that is left is me. Always me. Just standing patiently waiting my turn. Trying to get others to notice me. Noticing those that maybe don’t notice themselves. Singing their praises so they know they are not alone. All the awhile I am the one who has been left aside on the sidelines.
Being the one that is always on the outside looking in I can definitely so where I went wrong. I let others opinions of me taint my belief in myself. I allowed their own insecurities affect me in such a way that maybe I avoided such places or events. It is not that I am pointing that finger at any one in particular but for those that maybe have done me wrong I simply need to avoid. Like minded Gals stick together. I know. Never has there been a mention in history where a Dame can so consciously move between two groups. It can’t be done. With the black sheep looking in they will always be the target of some conversations. What else could there possibly be to talk about.
Honour those that honour you. For every one bad egg there are a dozen golden ones waiting to be discovered. Like mold it keeps on growing and takes over the bunch. Toss out the one affected and it stops the growth. Seems simple right? For the most part we all want to have a safe place to just be and embrace who we are. It isn’t about size, colour, gender. The only thing that matters is the purity of your heart. Your intentions towards your fellow beings. When your heart sings does it sing songs of bluebirds and happiness or is it filled with sorrow and despair? We have to have storm clouds every once in awhile it helps us to grow. What we all need though is the ability to enjoy the sunshine after the rain and a realization that not every downpour is out to get us.