Say whatever you want about me. The more I learn who I am the more I know that the opinions of most don’t really matter to me. Laying her beside my dog I think the labels that were handed onto him without even a second thought. This big loveable teddy bear almost said his last goodbye. Luckily for all of us in our family we found more than a companion we found the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for. He challenges me every day to have a softer heart and not take everything at face value. He has an old soul you can tell. His eyes filled with wisdom and so much compassion and love. You would never know he was abused our had a scar from his nose all the way down to his throat. Indications that he was maybe possibly a fight dog. Laying here beside him though I couldn’t even imagine him hurting a bone in anybody’s body…not even a flea. Maybe that is why they surrendered him. He was old and had some tight hips and every so often his legs would cramp and he would limp but I don’t think his tail has ever stopped wagging for a second. This is love this is adoration. This is the only opinion that should matter. Our pets know all about us. Our movements. Our thoughts. Our feelings. They are rare to hold grudges and most of all just want nothing more than our love. They don’t care if one eyebrow is missing our your lipstick is smudged. What matters to them is you made it home and for them that is their little piece of heaven on Earth.
Imagine if we can be beings similar to our pets. To take a look at the World around us and see how painful we have made it all to be. Teasing, bullying, harassing all existed but now we have taken it to far. Everything we do is on display for the World. The good, the bad and the ugly. Facts are facts though. It seems we get far greater pleasure out of insulting each other than we could ever get from building each other up. If we don’t like somebody make a meme. Past their face on an (what you perceive) to be an ugly body and let the laughs come in. Guess what though. That ugly body belonged to somebody and now you are hurting more than your intended victim. Is that the way the World is? Eventually if you keep ripping on somebody they are bound to give in. I hate to bring it up again but the idea that a child has any idea what suicide is and how to go about it…we are failing. When children would rather taunt and beat the odd child out of a crowd…..we are failing. Any piece of heaven on Earth that we had a chance of every emulating is fleeting out of our desire to win at all costs.
What does winning even mean and what does it look like? To me my win is having my husband come home every night to a clean home and a fed child. It means watching the happiness wash over the animals and their lives we saved. To allow them an opportunity to live out their best life when others may have thought other wise. To me it means providing a safe place and community for each and every one of us because the World is becoming too hard as it is. It means making my World a better place in the hopes that maybe somebody else will try and do the same. Winning to me means taking the time to appreciate those that I had in my life, have in my life and all those that I hope to meet. Life and it’s anxiety used to make it so I was scared to move forward. Now I am even more scared of not moving at all. I couldn’t imagine coming to the end of my life wishing I was a better person. By better I mean my definition of better. I don’t want to sit here and say if only I was this or if only I was that. The reality is I will probably never be as skinny as I was in high school. In fact there was a time in my 30’s when I was skinnier. I am aging and at times my wrinkles drive me crazy. I try not to fast forward to far and imagine me at 80. I hope I get to 80. And then what? Hate myself again for all the same reasons as before?
Why is it as humans we don’t care too much to uncover the true person underneath. There are so many complex layers that encompasses a being. We all have these sides and personalities that long to come out to play but lay dormant out of fear. I am that shy girl in the room. I have been called fat, old, ugly…and I have even been called a whore and a slut. Please remind me again how you can define me with such heinous words without even knowing a thing about me. If I am fat it is only truly offensive to you. If you can’t stand my wrinkles then why are you focusing so close on my face anyways. When you look at my pictures and all you see is this ugly woman in front of you instead of the art and message I am trying to create then that’s ok I forgive you. Life is terribly hard and it makes it seem a little easier when you have somebody else to focus your insecurities on. You see laying here next to my dog, the one who sleeps in my bed and tries to be the little spoon I am the one who actually feels sorry for you. Not because of anything more than your own toxic thinking. I feel sad that the only place bullies want to live is in the nightmares of their victims. That is why I created Sweet Ruby Bluez. Sweet Ruby Bluez wants nothing more to remind you that you are loved. That whatever problems you are facing in the World you don’t have to face them alone. We can share in our insecurities together and make OUR World a better place. I know it is hard but it gets easier when you find somebody who believes in you. Somebody like me, somebody like my dog. Become the person that you believe yourself to be. At the very least become the person your dog already knows that you are.
Remember I am here if you need!!! Please write to:
SWEET RUBY BLUEZ
PO BOX 573 OKOTOKS
OKOTOKS,AB T1S 1A7