In my dream like haze I think about the possibilities. All that is, was and can be. To imagine a World where your life sings from the moment you wake to the moment you rest your head. Imagining such bliss gives one hope and resilience moving into each other. It isn’t so much about the what is occurring in today’s reality but more what I hope that I can bring into my future. I live to daydream on cold days like this. Almost like a manifesting into being. A self revelation that I am not even close to being done yet. That the journey of this next chapter is just beginning and it all stems with these four letters HOPE.
I used to sneer when people used to say that all you needed was hope. To me hope meant that there was something missing in your life and you whatever it is losing sleep over you better start making moves towards it. Forgetting to facture in failure I was constantly disappointed and on a fast moving train into the abyss. Hope always reminds you to be humble because it is in the present of hope where true connections exist. The mutual feelings of warm togetherness mingled together with a small twinge of fear but open to the possibilities. One only truly feels the comfort of hope when it is shared upon mutual minds for an adequate existence mirrored only with the visions of what could possibly be.
Dreaming. That bliss like possibility of the World that we wished that we lived in. Feeling the internal pangs of bliss should make us motivated to achieve that inner peace while awake as well. To take risks to make the World a better place is always something that I dream about. It is not so much the journey I take alone but the one that we take together knowing that we have a friend by our side along the way. It is hard to imagine an existence where you are alone. Even worse when your life has come to such a place where living in a house full of life can still bring you great sorrow, you have to believe that your existence must be for something more.
I used to have this misguided illusion that the World worked on Ying and Yang. Evil and Good. Positive and Bad. Call it what you will. In order for somebody to receive a blessing somebody else had to acquire the pain. That the World needed balance. I convinced myself as young as 13 that if I could withstand the pain of my family that good things would happen to them. My belief was that if I could withstand living in the darkness then others could live their existence in the light. It seemed bad things naturally happened. The more bad things that happened to me in the outside World the better it seemed to be for those around me. Any time I strived to reach for a little slice of heaven on Earth I was reminded of the consequences. My parents divorce, my grandparents passing…all these incidences weighed so heavy on my heart. I withdrew not into myself but away from myself. I knew I was wasting time but I also thought that it was never in the cards for me. That in order for me to be happy it would come at a great loss for somebody I loved.
That is what happens when you shun hope from your existence and dwell on the negativity. Not one person is meant to absorb all the evil and hatred from the World. There is far to much of it interwoven into everything that we do. Don’t deny it. Look around. It is in the off handed digs that my husband makes that indicates to me that maybe he is not happy. It is the way we have idolized these sticks and twigs on our social media paving a way for even more anxiety, abuse and suicide. Without the possibility of hope all that we are is these nervous balls of energy rolling down the other side of the mountain growing more and more momentum until an Earth shattering explosion devastates our reality.
Hope runs parallel with our existence. It is in essence the backbone of who we are. It gives us the courage to take risks that will allow us to come out of our comfort zone in order to allow us to shine. Giving us a voice to reach the masses that can be heard only when we have enough hope to be heard throughout time. The greatest beings in our existence didn’t allow the misguided notions of those who didn’t understand or who were so overcome with fear they couldn’t see the power that they themselves held within them. I am not kidding you about the power we all hold inside of ourselves. My favourite activity is to compliment one person when I am out and about. Did you know something as simple as, “I love your glasses!” or “Great shoes!” can seriously alter the course of their day. Did you know them? No. Does it matter? No. Why not be the reason why somebody smiles today?
Hope is the idea that our loved ones who are no longer are helping guide us and provide us comfort in times when we are lost. It was in losing some of the greatest people that I have had the pleasure to know that inspired me to be open. Open to the possibility of connecting, of loving, of being a beacon of hope to others. To use my pain to make a difference in life instead of mourning in death. When we shed away our pride we can see people for the infinite beings that we are. One of my friends is struggling in his addiction. He has confronted his demons and decided no more. In his struggle for power he has reached this moment where he feels alone like he has lost everyone. This is all too true when it comes to an addict claiming to be clean. There is great risks involved. My decision to be open and raw with him in his recovery as been a great beacon of hope for us both. To watch a man overcome, so far, this battle that so many lose fills my heart with so much love and so much hope. That we as humans are filled with so much infinite power that only is released in moments of great weakness amongst the comfort of great friends. Everyday I try to tell my friend how proud we are of him (we as I am a mere extension of my family). I tell him how lucky we are to have him as part of our family and most importantly how much we love him. In him I see the potential to overcome any obstacle that evil may throw or way. He gives me the strength I need to move forward in these next chapters believing whole heartedly that the best is yet to come.