There is no denying the emotional turbulence that was my weekend. Could have been the full moon. Maybe it is just what I have always said. There needs to be ups to go with the downs. If this is what the downs feel like then sign me up for the rest of my life. If you have followed along on the videos posted on my page The Prairie’s Passionate Pin-Up you can see the raw emotions spilling from me. People only like to share when everything is coming up roses. To me it is just as important to share the turbulent times as well as the good. It shows as humans it is in our nature to survive and of course no pain lasts forever. In fact the first initial blow is as bad as it will ever be and there is no denying that.
Determined not to have another day like the last two I reflect on the conversations with those around me to try and serve as an indicator to what went wrong. Looking closely though I can see most of it was nothing more then a reflection of the others insecurities. A classic case of instead of celebrating in each other’s success we want to rip it to shreds and destroy it cuz it seems that we are the only ones worthy of true happiness. Yesterday started out as no other than fighting from the get go. How else does one start your husband’s day off. To me I consider it to be a time where we all just relax together but then again that is only my mistaken assumption. One that should never be made.
In the morning it was disagreeing with my husband that spilled over into another family member. I will not mention who the member is because that is not what is important what is important is the recognition of who is casting stones and whether or not you need to fear them being thrown. Consider the source of the venom being spilled your way. Does there opinion matter? Just because they are family does not give them the right to talk down to you or threaten your family in any way. The worst thing about family is they usually know all your secrets. Not because you told them personally but because another family member you trust has spilled the information. Just because you love them less doesn’t mean somebody else loves them more. In times where people are hurting they will lash at you in ways to make you hurt. Realizing their true intentions should bring out a somewhat source of peace to some degree. To me the peace comes in knowing their true intentions and to take actions accordingly. The greatest thing in all of social media is the ability to block and delete. Deep breath. Big sigh.
The truth as we know it to be as such. Without pointing fingers we all must know somebody that is fully able and capable of working but simply refuses. I mean they have somehow convinced a doctor to sing their tales of woe to get all the correct government forms filled out. More to that they spend half of their time sitting on a beach in Mexico spending all of our hardworking tax dollars drinking margaritas and smoking mary j. Now this is the person casting stones at me saying my life is frivolous and of unimportance. In addition this person also said that they wanted to report us for having to many animals. The only response that I could think of was simple “if you can hurt your own family and put all of these animals lives at risk then you have once again proven why you aren’t somebody I want in my life”. What was the fight over. The ridiculous way in which life is lived knowing that there are families struggling with bills because of government cut backs and you get to relax and enjoy the beaches of Mexico on the government’s dime. It isn’t a one or two week vacation. We are talking a blatant misuse of government money. (Truth be told that the ailment started over an addiction to OxyContin but that is neither here nor there). To take up residence on a month to month basis when the whole purpose of the CANADIAN GOVERNMENT money you are receiving should stay in this country. To live at your parents when you are nearing forty so you can hoard all the money to take to another country of course it would make any hardworking Canadian mad. Why on Earth do they say you can be on disability yet leave the country for up to 6 months needs to change. I mean it should be like every HARDWORKING Canadian and be restricted to just two weeks.
So now when I reflect back on my whole weekend (not whole but 66%) I realize that all these arguments started because of an insecurity deep within. On both accounts listening to what was being said I could tell it was only to get a rise out of me. Emotionally I have felt drained. I try to do a lo in a day. Not for anybody but for me. Where some would take the day off and just rest I know that there is work to be done. There is enough resting that comes when one is dead. I am not ready to rest yet. I know that anything in life worth having is worth the work. I didn’t engage in these arguments meant to serve as a parasite in my determination of living and getting the most out of life. I always find it humourous though people get when you sit and absorb what it is they are trying to convince you of. I know that I am not the person that you speak of. Maybe I was once but I know for certain I am no more. To listen and believe anything else then what I know to be my own truth is a disservice to me. My decision to be vulnerable, to be raw means no looking back and no regrets because moving forward is the only way to be.