I was never really born to fit in. Standing outside of the crowds I could see why everything was being done or said in such a way but I always just felt like an outsider. I felt like an outsider to myself because I didn’t even want to know me. Every breath I took was harder than the next while I struggled with why. Why me? I was this angry little girl inside who just wanted to be loved. Or maybe heard. Or maybe both. I don’t even know. I knew it hurt to just out of bed most days and for that I could never understood. Even my family would tease me at how emotional I was. It was a lot easier to point a finger and lay pain that maybe I was not mentally well. Maybe I wasn’t by definition but maybe all I needed was some tender loving care. Like maybe for even a moment my storey could have a happy ending…those still happened right?
Through the years I began to understand how your own self worth was everything. That maybe none of us were ever born to fit in because that was not meant to be our destiny’s. We all have these unique and interesting lives that are begging to be shared. Shared with those who understand you, those who don’t, and those who will never give a damn to know you but can see the value of your existence. To be vanilla in a World that doesn’t even recognize that as a flavour anymore you have to find your own creative way to use your voice. We have so many outlets and avenues that are right at our fingertips. Some of us though are just coming into our reality that it is far better to stand out then to blend in. Blending in is alright for some things. But not for your life. Your storey. Your theme song deserves to be heard for as long as you are on display. You can be somebody’s reason. Somebody’s saviour. Your life can give another hope. In all the timeline’s that could have been chosen this one is it. Your time is now.
In the shadows of those that walked before us we all were called for a reason. I couldn’t imagine that for the amount of time that humans have been walking the Earth that we should worry about anything else but right now. If living is dying and dying is needed in order for others to live. Then there has to be a connection to all of us. To all of us. Something tells me that the best way to live is one with intention and purpose and with as little negativity as you can. That in order for you to achieve happiness you would want to see the same happiness reflected back onto you. That there will be no winning without trying and there will be no shame of a little bit of envy. As long as that envy is put to good use. How can one use envy for good instead of the misguided and calculated evils. Yes envy is one of the 7 deadly sins. What that means is fixated on anything long enough to over exaggerate your faults will lead to an unfed jealous panic. Jealousy is a negative emotion that can spur on even greater negative events. I feel that each and every concept or being has a polar opposite so if jealous rage is a thing then so can be an envious euphoria of happiness for your fellow being.
Envy can be used as a positive way of being. My envy takes me to places of inspiration. That emotion reminds me of how glorious of an opportunity living is and how I too could possibly live my dreams. At least a version of one that fills my heart with happiness and makes me reach for even greater things. A small twinge of envy tells you to share your feelings with the one who stirs of such an emotion. By seeing the ones humble reaction to your compliment will fill your heart in such a way that will tell you how you even want to be. Compliments are the greatest form of flattery you can give anybody. I make a point to tell people when they have a positive reaction to my being. Don’t people want to know that their life is making a difference to another. There smile, their persona, their whole way of being has made you stop and catch your breath so why not share. In a World full of evil what do you have to lose. People need to hear that they make a difference to somebody else no matter in which way it comes. Sometimes a stranger means more than your spouse, family or loved one. A stranger doesn’t know you. You have nothing to lose.
Having any emotion is better than having no emotion at all. Being able to navigate through those emotions in a positive way will be your saving grace and best friend. I mean I stand out pretty much where ever I go these days. That’s kind of my thing though now. I want people to see my bright smiling face out and about and the community. I can’t sit around anymore waiting for people to come to me in the hopes that they want to be saved. My goal is to find a way to get into youth centres, shelters, people in need to let them know. That in times when you think everybody else has forgotten about you I have not. That your storey is something I want to read and be a part of because we are all here right now struggling to find reasons why. Reasons to keep on going, fighting, struggling, being. We are all bound together by life and emotions and the hope that maybe life is meant to not be this bad. It seems that we are always fighting. Fighting amongst each other like one of us is going to end up ahead some how. No sooner do you take a few steps ahead because you nudged somebody down. But you will also see yourself fall just as fast as well. Envy is only good when it is used to build up another. The jealous rage that will come after though is what destroys empires. We will eventually be struck down to our knees until more of us learn to step out of the shadows. We have a voice. We hold the power. Don’t let a few make you think otherwise. Each and every one of us was born to stand out. Now reclaim what was yours and radiate from within.