“If I wear what is comfortable, I am not a woman. If I shed the layers, I’m a slut. Though you’ve never seen my body, you still judge it and judge me for it. Why? We make assumptions about people based on their size. We decide who they are, we decide what they’re worth. If I wear more, if I wear less, who decides what that makes me? What that means? Is my value based only on your perception? Or is your opinion of me not my responsibility?” Billie Eilish
We spend to much time trying to conform to the perceptions of the World. To often there is so much laughter when one wears the new dress they saved tirelessly for. I have been guilty of wearing a dress either to small or to big because I waited far too long for it to come. I had what I thought were good hair days only to hear the giggles coming from behind me. In a world where we preach inclusivety we only care for those that share a general mold. Who else has been the recipient of such negative backlash that at the end of the day the only way you can stop the tears from falling is to fall asleep or drink your sorrows.
How is it in a world claiming to be so far advanced that we get more satisfaction from somebody failing then we do in basking in their light. Where is it written and why is it believed that success is determined by those you destroy instead of those you build up? It’s hard to eliminate yourself from those people completely. Too often they are friends, family or others that run in your own social circles. Once though you recognize their patterns it becomes all you can see.
Some friends are only there when it is convenient for them. They use you as a stepping stone to get to the next level. Over and over I used to get thrown to the wolves. Now with a clear head and time away I can recognize the patterns.
1. They don’t celebrate in your victories. I will never forget the time when I placed second this summer. Not only was I ignored by these “friends” but there we were published in the paper with their looks of discontent throwing daggers at my back. I love pageants. Mainly because it takes a group of girls getting out of their comfort zone to achieve sonething greater than themselves. I do know what it feels like to win. My new pageant wish is to celebrate in each of our own successes. A crown doesn’t make you a Queen. It’s your attitude going in.
2. Never make time. Life is busy. People always make time for those who are important. If you are always on their back burner you will never have hopes of cooking a meal. We have this great information super highway that makes it so you can be in the same room even though you are thousand miles away.
3. They steal. I don’t just mean physical possessions. I mean your dreams, your beliefs, your personality. This is where your gut plays in. When it comes to those who try to infringe on your character it can be so that you might be the only person who recognizes. How can anybody else? Especially if these were dreams stolen in confidence. You an only you know the nature and context of those conversations.
4. They make fun of and ridicule others that aren’t in the room. We all have been present when somebody has gone on a tyrant trying to destroy somebody’s character. It isn’t up to me to sway a decision in my favour. But knowing what I know and seeing what I can see if you are friends to those that behave in such a way then maybe we had less in common then I originally thought.
So although the opinions of others have on us is somewhat impacted by our behaviour and the clothes that we are. Too often it’s the perceptions of others based on our interactions that come into play. Other times it is ocr⁵thers negative impressions of themselves that allow them to lash out in some way. What you wear doesn’t make you a slut. Just like what you wear doesn’t make you a saint. Ted Bundy was just a normal man with a broken arm looking for his dog before he brutally atracked these women. Nobody and nothing is ever as it appears to be. Friends become foes and foes become enemies faster than you can scroll through this post.
In a world full of billions of people trying to thrive and survive you think we would get it by now. That those who walk amongst us are struggling internally just the same. We cringe at our bodies. Reacting to those who fail to see themselves for who they truly are. Stopping throwing stones at others. Stop quantifying your worth based on somebody misconceptiond or failures. Its the lack of compassion that the world holds for each other that makes life hard to experience. Failure shouldn’t be an option. We all win when we live free in our existence. Free from the perceptions of fame and power and all that it destroys.
So for those of you who made it through know that you have me. I know that the perceptions created from before you were born is just that. That the only perception of you that matters is the one that comes from me. That together we can feel free to embrace who it is we are becoming to be with no preconceived notions of who we used to be xx