The more one can give themselves selflessly to another the more life will receive some of life’s incredible desires. Not the desires of those that you know. But that beam that you walk on when you discover your inner bliss. There is a demon inside of all of us that we have to admit lays in wait. Maybe they polluted and intoxicated our minds with haunting memories of before. It is hard to feel like you are safe to come out of the shadows when there is so much more evil walking around.
Some of us never gain control of the being that lays underneath. We forget who really is in control as we lay perfectly in content just living in the now. Not doing much more than agreeing to disagree whenever a political stance gets out of line. Life has become so busy at times. What do we do to try and change the World for the better. There has to be something that we are trying to leave behind. Who knows where all the stuff I treasured be 100 years from now. 500 years from now. I think of the toys that I LOVED as a child and how they are now in some landfill. Mainly because the treasures we kept at my Dad’s house got put into these teeny tiny boxes. You see after the divorce he couldn’t sell the place fast enough. Couldn’t even give us the decency to decide what we wanted to keep or toss. I get his point though. It was during a period when he decided he didn’t want to talk to us. We were told to pick sides. This is all happening in our 20’s. My Dad was the first to get married (rather quickly I might add). They didn’t even invite any of his family. But in the BIG BANG grander scheme of things. None of this matters. In 20 years who knows which ones of us will be standing. 30, 50 will the higher I go the more likely my son has hopefully become a young man and me a Grandma.So a little back tracking to 15 years ago maybe 10. It really doesn’t matter. The point is I met with an astrologist who charted my birth time and date with the stars on that date some years back. She told me some things about my pregnancy then (wasn’t going to happen) I wasn’t even going to be with that guy or the next guy etc. She said that I would find most success in my life when I was surrounded in fire. And it would be only then would I find my true bliss.
Could you believe I had no idea what that meant back then. I was still living in Vancouver back then. In fact I wouldn’t move to Alberta for another two years so none of it made sense at all. I guess when I lost the baby and the guy I was with turned into super douche I was like hmmmm I wonder what that was all about. After moving to Calgary I found I had a love for Pin-Up but wanted to be reborn. I went with Cherry Red hair. When I saw the final transformation I was once again reminded of the fire conversation. She said she thought she saw me as a fire fighter and now I was thinking why not a flaming redhead siren!! My love for Pin-Up, Vintage and everything girlie took off from there.
I like to think and reflect and ponder on how it is I got here. Can I inspire? Do I have a message? Can I ease somebody’s pain just enough to make it hurt less. To make it hurt less for who? Me? Them? For anybody out there who may have lost there way. Maybe that is what it is all about and has been since I met with that astrologist that day. He said that I would be most successful when he saw me enclosed in a burning ring of fire. Looking back the ring of fire that became my placenta that night. Well maybe that is what he saw written in the stars. I have the book still but I don’t know how to interpret the data. I am curious to see what facts that I had forgot about thinking that they wer to trivial to remember.
I know becoming a mother is my greatest gift I can leave the World. I can help nurture my son in becoming the greatest lil man that only he knows what he is capable of. I am ready to try and heal the people in my general vicinity as much as I can. I realize that it is hard to connect with those that I don’t know so in those times I will travel and use my strength and courage to see what I can see…and of course feel. Isn’t that also a part of the journey a place to feel and love and feel connected. Not in a raw animalistic way but as a pure love that bonds families together. We are told that primal love is the only one worth existing for. We forget that love built on loyal, honesty, trust and friendship will help bind the bonds till the end of eternity. That is if the heart is pure. Anything else will bring on sin and sins have to be reported and repented. We live in a World where we make it so the evil always wins. We embrace the evil like it is a long lost friend. We use him to do our bidding when we don’t have the courage to speak, he wipes our brows while we sweat and reminds us that we are doing a good job.
The more pain we can consume the more reward there will be for doing so. The Universe can’t punish those that try to keep other in living in harmony. I want o finish with a quote from Joseph Campbell’s, “The Power of Myth.”
“The demon that you can swallow gives you its power, and the greater life’s pain, the greater life’s reply”