Recently I was asked about true love and how can it be found. True love. My most favourite and also most painful topic to talk about. In the absence of true love I had to banish the memories of it even existing from my mind. In addition to the experience it actually only glimmers for a moment. The intensity of the heat can not with stand too much exposure. It can’t burn the way it is intended to. That type of love gleams for only an instance like it was never there in the first place. True love is the enigma that will set your soul on fire and make you reach for the stars. When you experience it you will know but only after it is over. Making you question if it really began.

The components of love are so very complicated and has so many unique but dynamic layers to help you in your journey throughout life. Love is the capability of all of us and we should all have it in capacity for those we inhabit this time with. True love though. The type where your soul recognizes the other. That only happens truly once in a life time. You won’t quite understand the undeniable pull that comes when your thoughts go to that being. You can’t help the thoughts from spilling over when they take up residence in your brain. True love is dangerous and if not noticed it will slowly be the desire that kills you. It will eat away your heart and rot what is left of your brain as your toxic thoughts begin to control your every thought and move. You can’t think or do anything else. You count down the seconds, hours, minutes until you see them for only a second. It truly does drive you into a manic madness that left untreated will destroy us all.

What I know is that the feelings that awakened inside me when his presence is near is worth the risk every time of my heart breaking into pieces. True love isn’t something that is found. It is a gift given to you to help get you through the next phase of your life. It can never last. Like to positively charged ions at first you are drawn together but in the end you both get drawn away. It is the periods of absence that will destroy what is left of your heart. The only way to quench the burning pain of now once again being without is to try to deeply love yourself and build your fortress from with in. The fortress though must always have a secret entrance though that only has one key. To live miserably forever though is not our manifest destiny.

True love should not to be confused with lust or even just love. I have only experienced it once and never again. It is true what they say. In the presence of your other half it is like time stands still. You can sit in silence for hours and it will feel like the hands of time never moved. For me though sitting in silence is as rare as actually finding the one that your heart sings for.  Speaking from experience I remember the one of many times he made my heart skip a beat. It was after work one night and I was just chattering away and that was when I saw this look. This intense stare watching my every movement. I couldn’t tell if he was bored or lost in space. I said his name a few times and finally with a shake of his head and that crooked little smile I knew. Even know 10 years later that moment makes me feel like a little school girl. That memory reminds me what it feels like to be truly valued and loved and adored and my wish is for every one to feel that if only for a second. See now that I know about all those stolen moments and what I am experiencing now my heart aches just to hear from him. It’s not something that I would sacrifice for. Between me and you I probably would. See true love will make you risk everything for just one moment.  I would be lying to myself if I said anything but.

Yes I love my husband and my family and there is nothing I won’t do for them. But love is love and true love is once in a lifetime. I know now that the intensity of our union was never ever meant to me. When we finally kissed for the first time it was exactly what one would expect. The Earth moved and shook like it was ending only to appear brighter more alive when I opened my eyes. How odd to think that in both situations neither has truly ever being over run with passion. My marriage and passion or like the two never existed. But with him and passion I surprised I could start. I guess for me what would keep my heart alive would be the nervous excitement and apprehension that maybe just maybe one day the Universe will allow it to just be. He is the one that I long for that my soul recognizes just when he is around. So the answer to how do you find true love unfortunately you have to wait for it to find you.  What will cloud our ability to feel and recognize it is our inability to see who it is we truly are. For it isn’t the other half that we seek. It is who we are when the make us complete. Without truly understanding ourselves will never attract those with a mutual heart. It is impossible for the two energies to combine. Become your own first true love and radiate from within. Your energy your presence will become the beacon. The beacon of hope to draw true love in.