Did you ever wonder why our worries when we are younger are very vague? It’s not for any other reason than our brains had not developed the egos that our adult bodies contain. It takes a lot of conditioning and worrisome thinking to get to that point. Our parents sheltered our worry so all that was left to do was laugh and play. First with our sibling, then cousins, then the neighbourhood kids. Then all of a sudden we are off to a school where our worries began. It was here that we are taught just how different we are. That lil green eye monster though begins to feed on all the negativity. Like a festering blister waiting to be popped. Until all of a sudden it explodes and all you are is your ego.
This ego becomes your whole being. Your whole reason for existence. It feeds your mania in so many ways making you feel that you are inadequate or that your life will never amount to much. It will bring people close only to rip them away with your insecurities and jealousy. We always want what we don’t have till we get it then it becomes last year’s model or obsolete. There is very little happiness in our own being as we always look for the outward gratification we have been conditioned to seek. Bills have to be paid and bellies need to be fed and if you are lucky to be granted a roof over your head then life would be complete. But it’s not complete is it? There was a piece inside you totally forgot. The neglect of years of what you thought were self preservation has now become the very cancer that you fear.
Think about this. As children we lived day by day and in the moment. Yes life was different as there were supposed to be no worries but thinking now as soon as their shoes enter kindergarten they are no longer kids. Our kids are growing up in a World where school is now a thing of the past. We have altered the direction of the Universe with our obsessive need to get ahead. Not living in the moment that we did as very young kids. I remember that I thought I could be anything and do anything. Playing baseball I always believed I could hit like Babe Ruth, throw a ball like Randy Johnson or run as fast as Mike Smith (I know not baseball but eh those were my dreams). I thought growing up I could be anything that dreams could be real. I never stopped dreaming and reaching for the stars. Even now.
Yes it is hard to believe that there could possibly be a life beyond the rat race that we have become so accustomed too. See I was granted that serenity when my son was born. When he was born I needed to be near him. I wasn’t complete till he was in the room. To wake up with him missing from me was this surreal experience. Looking over and hearing my husband whisper that our son was born 2 months early I had already knew. I knew because I felt that piece of me that was inside of me was know missing. In the ICU recovering all you have is you. Your thoughts and toxicity. At least that was for me. I used the time to start a purification to try and save my soul. Rather than relive the nightmare and trauma of my past life I decided to use it as a tool of healing and a place to come clean.
Each and everyday I live within each moment. I value the time and the day that I am blessed wit to do so. I really truly have no worries. Oh I could have a ton to worry about if I choose too. I just no that my husband is the type of man to work hard and care for his family. Our bills will be paid and our cupboards will have food. If all I have to do is wake up each morning and love our son, care for our pets and tend to the house then what is the sense of worrying at the things I can’t control. That is why I have always tried to reach out to all of you. I know how cold and hard the World can be at times of extreme uncertainty. if I could help ease your anxiety I would. I think that is why I keep exploring for answers by reading and writing in my blog. Trying to be creative each and everyday on my Instagram is also something I try to do.
We almost lost our lives and I take that responsibility very seriously. Where others no longer walk amongst I still do. There has to be a reason that I am hopeful to find out. I live each and every day as a gift no matter what the outcome of each day maybe. At the end of every day when my head hits the pillow I know the birth of a new day is soon to be upon me. When my feet hit the floor I can choose my attitude and what I want to conquer each day. My biggest goals is to inspire a kinder World. To know that no matter how hard each day can be that we need to be grateful. There is something in our lives that we all want to fix. Trust me the worst thing that can happen for a lady with zero intimacy is to take away her ability to touch. I still will never forget that hug from a stranger I got at the Madisson Airport. Sometimes that is all we need to give us the strength. Now without physical touch and the need for social distancing I have already came to grips with that self isolation. It’s the harnessing of childlike wonder and amazement that I am most after conquering.