There is nothing more misleading then a wondering mind then a neglected heart. Combining both will lead to a certain mass destruction. rI can’t help but let the negative poison work through my veins as I consider the source. The source has always come from our misguided views of how we defined our definition of life. Life in all it’s glory numbed down to inaudible words that we can no longer comprehend. We are incapable of speaking in words that the masses understand. See most have been consumed with their own selfish desires to walk over the bones of those that they knew. There enemies long thrown into the fire to feed our sickness one more day. The sickness always being our own polluted mind and our own intolerance to believe the words the pass any others lips.
As death dances freely in our streets feeding on those that once taunted him from afar we are left as a nation impervious to our own design. From the time we were able to sail to another shores we have found new, creative way to try and make it so we were the only nation left standing. Like a sick twisted game of World survival we decided rather than make our foes friends we will begin to dig their mass graves and what for the eventual. Isn’t that what is at stake? The eventual? Those that are of a weakened state left out as the bait. Those that hold within themselves the keys to the past as well as those that hold they keys to our future. These are the ones who lay victimized and ravaged by what we as humans are deciding is nothing but a joke. Our leaders have been so gracious in their attempts to warn us. Here in Canada are leader is young. He didn’t sign up for this. No leader signed up for this. Nobody wants to see innocent people lining the hospital streets like a clip out of a horror movie. My husband’s grandfather being one of those separated and left to die in a tuberculosis ward. I Know it seems incredulous to fathom but we as mankind have dance before. We love to say how ignorant our leaders are they don’t know a thing. Yes when it comes to some they will seem like they are working more in their best interest then in the countries and towns they serve.
I am terrified. I fear our race will ignore all the warnings that have headed our way. Our own misguided source of self righteousness and freedom blinding our way to what is about to come. You see while most of us are taking this serious and limiting our contact to just our household others feel this is a free time to party. As government money is rolling in to help those who’s employers have closed their doors we are seeing more and more party goers take to the streets. Laughing at the face of social distancing they also laugh at us who are just trying to stay safe. Depression and mental anxiety will begin to thrive as we have no other choice but to witness the forfeiture of lavish rights for those of just basic human consumption.
Everyday I struggle with my own mental health. We are all in this together. For me just as I was granted my wings and was starting to fly I was grounded for what it feels like dreaming and hoping of a World that I was hoping to find. I wanted to create an illusion of a World around me that was tolerant of each other difference while creating a safe World to just be. What I got instead was another slap in the face as I was forced to witness just how cruel and selfish this World can be. The way we treat others that are not privileged enough to be in our circles. In fact most people don’t have circles. Just these square like objects where people stand on a point and don’t move. By moving you admit that maybe you were wrong. Why can’t we be wrong? Why isn’t their a tranquil serenity that comes when the light bulb is turned on. It isn’t failure to learn from our fellow man. In fact there is nothing more liberating or satisfying then to connect the dots from log ago to what is right in front of our noses.
For us there is not future. Not anything that we can bank on that is. When I try to think ahead to what was supposed to be a summer filled with laughter and friends it is hard not to let the swell of emotion over take me. In a World where you are either laughing on the beach or confined to our homes the outcome is still the same. Are we jealous of those that are still able to live freely or our we mourning the loss that is to come. To look at the news or to look away what are we supposed to do. Compassion can’t be absorbed at arms length. It is hard to feel the true intent of any one being from a distance. But a distance is where we need to be. Where we once were. Fort he record though the disease will take those that it has come for no matter how hard we try to distance. There are too many uncertain what ifs to be able to say for sure. The only for sure outcome that I foresee coming is the impact of change that is sure to ensue. How can one not be riddled with anxiety when considering the disease and filth we bring to each other while in close quarters. Maybe as a race we aren’t meant to be too close. Anytime we are there is the risk of loss of great life. Maybe those are the haunting ghosts trying to remind us what is important.
In our race to try and conquer the World the only true destruction that was waged was the extermination of our family dynamics. Our communities sat divided as the streets became empty as we all raced to our concrete jungles to sit in our hamster wheels. Nobody sits at home anymore in the fear that they could miss out in something good. The reality for all is what is missing from us all is the pure magic of a child’s laughter, the tight warm hug of a grandmother, even the witty banter between siblings as they both race around the game board filled with laughter and happy times. There was never an American Dream. Not for us. We were never truly meant too live freely. Being free meant a life with no divide. A life with no divide means no profit and how are we supposed to define success if not by the material possessions we keep. I am scared and I am fearful of the ignorant minds that think that nothing bad will ever happen to them. I can’t let their ignorance over take me. I still have to find a way to live in my own happiness free from the those that only are concerned with their own. We can’t even begin to adjust to a new normal because we still have to wait for the chaos to subside. These are a times of impervious indifference that runs the risk of tarnishing us all.