I always knew my journey was meant to be different. Not harder just different. My stance has always been from the outside looking in. The only salvation my soul feels is in the validation it receives in believing that true heaven on Earth is something that is born from within. It is so much more in the way we perceive ourselves. As much as we try to reinforce the idea that true salvation comes from loving many. It truly only comes from the love that you nurture from within.
The idea that another being, another entity is what can fire up your soul leaves me so confused. The air full of this self righteous entitlement that still oozes from all over my being has sent my body into a tail spin of high alert. If all we are are fragments of each other than I don’t ever want to feel hole.
The fragmentation that exists have left me feeling more than isolated and alone. The pieces that I recognize are the fragments from my past. I don’t need time to sit and reflect. That is interwoven into everyday. My fear is from the rose coloured glasses we adorned long ago. Living in these brainwashed bubbles that passed down horrible practices continuously. It wasn’t just a generation but ALL of them.
With a humble heart I ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness in my blind role and acceptance as I was a constant contributor to all our past regressions. If you consider the active role we all took in carving out history we should feel ashamed. Fortunately however we don’t. How can we feel shame for something we were encouraged to do? Have any of us tried to actually understand the severity of the clashes in the masses. The holes in our being that keep us from achieving true happiness.
We glorify our past existence by highlighting the facts that best suit our needs. The Europeans and Vikings who hit our shores had no honest intentions. How can any intentions based on the goodness of mankind engage in such horrible acts. No matter who each.of us are we are a living being. All the greatest scholars, philosophers and educators believe in the same. If we are all one wouldn’t the murder, rape and theft empoy that this can not be the case. Who here can and would cut off their own arm in the name of their King and country? What righteous man would do such a thing.
If I could turn back the clocks of time I wish the storey untold was different. I wish we could have talked to the new civilizations we were so eager to talk to. Maybe that is who I would choose to talk to. Those communities that perished at our hands. I have this desire to know everything about them before the carnage. The people we killed were our missing link between life and nature. The knew the ins and outs of our beautiful country that we destroyed. Even know we choose to discredit their honour and beliefs.
In a World full of unease and turmoil this can not be our existence. The food we now consumme tainted with chemicals. More natural then innatural we are content in how far removed we find ourselves then the inward connection we can achieve. Such beautiful, peaceful beings who asked for salvation and forgiveness in the lifes they lived. Honouring the self sacrifice of all living beings that kept their earthly bodies nourished and sustained. They warded off famine by regarding each kill as a sacrifice to be honoured with a ritualistic performance and dance.
Imagine being able to see the beautiful significance of the Buffalo bones that you gathered at the base of the jump. Neighbouring tribes would come together to help process the remains of each and every being. You would spend your winter with a full belly, warm furs, family and of course the bones to carve out your tales. Life is full of meaning as every fibre of your existence resonates and sings with each and everyday.
The Spring thaw brings a new enemy. A man who resembles yourself but the stench of death lingers on his breath. His evil misguided self righteous presence makes you bare witness to the most heinous crimes against Mother Nature you can ever imagine. I have to wonder though…when those who took their scalps of a source of fear and pride I need to know. What did you see inside these grotesque creatures that have taken mans form. Were their insides as black as their soul? Can you see the inherit evil that lurked underneath?
No matter the directional course that brought us to the point we are now there is only one thing that I know for certain. My life as complicated and as painful as it has been it has never reached the multitude of my brothers and sisters before. For the ones with a pure heart I recognize you. Not for who you appear to me on the outside but who I recognize you to be looking in.
I had this insane desire to want to be loved by everybody. Now I can see how diluted that idea truly is. It is not everybody I need but those who are just like me. To be the one to walk into a room blindly with only my keen sense to guide me. Its not just all people who need healing but all beings. To every living being granted the luxury of their first breath. It is up to each and every one of us to live right by them. It has nothing to do with the body that carries the gift to the World but the contents that are revealed when all that is outside is stripped away.