Did you ever wonder who we were meant to be before everything around us got in the way? I mean before there were the separation of classes. Before King’s beheaded those in their kingdom’s for practicing a religion they didn’t understand. Long before men desired to conquer the land and each other. Who were we before this toxic ideology polluted our minds and took control of our reality defying us to believe any different.
What I love about reading about the past is the realization that we all were meant to struggle. We have everything we need right at our fingertips (well we did anyways for a moment). Now with that accessibility fleeing we are forced once again to live our days under the rule of somebody other than ourselves. We are stuck once again living in fear. We fear each other. Worst off all we fear those we left in charge to ensure that we were all moving in the same directions. Or leaders were voted in to protect and minimize the economic and personal heartbreak of us all.
Our ego’s taking us places we have never journeyed before out of our diluted sense of value. We are all valued the same. As we should be. Just because some of us have limitless wealth and what appears power we always assume and lead with an iron fist. We are never truly satisfied with what we have and will acquire. More is never enough and never will it be. We have pushed ourselves so far from who we once were that we can not even see the shadows on even the brightest of days. My self conscience is what has been awoken first. Something always held me back from being the girl I was born to be. Maybe it was my ego all along. Coaxing me and taunting me to live offside the trodden path. I knew I wanted to live differently but in doing so I ended being coerced in my own thinking to living the exact same way.
I never knew that embracing my fear could be my salvation. That living differently didn’t mean that you had to live unhappy. When amongst a crowd of my peers I was destined to get lost. My shy, broken heart made it so that it was almost impossible to trust. I had to protect myself through humour and when all else failed I would just fade off into the background like I was never there to begin with. I don’t know where that thought process came in. I was never the most popular but I did have a handful of friends. Enough to keep my weekends busy until I traded them all in for my first serious boyfriend. Tying your value to another being is the wrong thing to do. It is such an old way of thinking that is really bringing the family dynamic to its knees. The inner sanity of families should always be preserved. There are those that will have no choice but to flee. No being should have to live in fear. I wonder how it happened that it was decided that the only way to communicate with those around us was through violence and abuse. Every where we look this is how it’s done. We prove too each other every life is disposable, I wonder why that is or more importantly how that happened.
Every throughout time it is written that if the body of people you are governing doesn’t agree it is ok to use brute force to get your point across. There is no way that that many people could be tyrants. Just like there is no why that if words were passed down throughout time from the discipels how can it be that all of a sudden a King is deemed more worthy and allowed to change facts. Facts can’t be changed because they then become fiction. My fear is that we have changed so many words to bend to our wishes that we will never be able to open our minds to the truth. How is it so that we believe that our teeny tiny lil existence should be able to use force, violence and ignorance to force the World to see things the way that we do? This is our greatest failure has human. We could help those that come after us to live better more enriched lives but we are so much more enthralled with the idea of having the most fame and riches.
The more time I spend in between these four walls the more I feel I am getting to know about myself and the World around me. For the first time in a long time I feel some sort of semblance to who I once was. There are a lot of moments of self reflection that make me feel weak. Like embarrassment from my past transgressions. “To err is to humane, to forgive divine.” If we could give ourselves the gift of forgiveness we will begin to heal or own hearts. So often the broken pieces came from our own hand. Knowing when to walk away or dig our heels in will always be one of last greatest obstacles. As the smoke clears the greatest thing we can do is love ourselves in all the madness. We don’t have to understand the outcome as much as we enjoy the journey.
To often we confuse quantity with quality. I have been learning that one great friend is worth a hundred bad ones. I mean a good friend will help bring out your natural talents. Like a shining star they guide you through the darkness. They also act like ear muzzles protecting yourself from the weak opinion of others. There is a natural raw talent inside of all of us. We all should have somebody who brings out our magic. If we can’t do that for ourselves at least let it be that we do so far each other. The simple life blessing that comes in each and every day. To be a friend or foe the life lesson never does stray.